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Original poster

Online dating - would you date someone who has no hobbies?

77 replies

thefourgp · 26/10/2021 22:57

I’m giving the online dating another try for my sins. Been messaging a guy for a couple of days and he’s told me that all he does is work and watch tv and he’s looking for someone to inject some fun back into his life. Red flag?

OP posts:

madisonbridges · 26/10/2021 23:56

He wants you to inject some fun into his life? He means sex.

WhiskyXray · 26/10/2021 23:57

He could be OK.

Really, would a trainspotter, boomerang collector or model plane enthusiast be better?

Spidersinmyhair · 26/10/2021 23:59

Uhh yes this a massive red flag for me. Can't believe ppl saying it's not. He's essentially saying that his weak points are going to your responsibility. Fuck that.
It's like partners that say 'You're a good influence on me'. Seriously, fix your life before you come and talk to me.

Unreasonabubble · 26/10/2021 23:59

@thefourgp

He has ‘just ask’ on his profile which I wouldn’t normally reply to because there should be something there to indicate what he likes to do. I listed a few things I like to do and asked him what he likes and he replied that he just works and watches tv. I don’t think it’s a good sign.

No! He is not even trying. He wants you to beg....

Spidersinmyhair · 27/10/2021 00:00

*to be your responsibility

samesign · 27/10/2021 00:00

Sounds lazy and probably means he expects his date to come over to his house watch tv and sleep over, rinse and repeat.

Buggritbuggrit · 27/10/2021 00:06

@WhiskyXray

He could be OK.

Really, would a trainspotter, boomerang collector or model plane enthusiast be better?

Honestly, yes! I can obviously only speak for myself, but I’d prefer any of those to someone with absolutely no interests. As long as they weren’t obsessive, I actually think those particular interests are rather sweet.

PermanentTemporary · 27/10/2021 00:20

I did once stop contacting a guy because his hobby was painting warhammer figures, I couldn't imagine being with someone who thought that was fun. But bf now has a hobby I would have seen as pretty nerdy but actually his passion for it is beautiful and it's a lot more interesting than warhammer figures.

YerAWizardHarry · 27/10/2021 00:21

Can’t win on mumsnet every second thread is women moaning about their husbands obsession with cycling

Clandestin · 27/10/2021 00:24

@PermanentTemporary

Not a red flag, no, as I associate that with danger.

But... I'm completely uninterested in being somebody else's manic pixie dream girl who brings the fun into their boring life. I want someone with interests, passions, friends, something to share. It doesn't have to be labelled a 'hobby' but it has to be there. So I wouldn't pursue this one.

Exactly. It’s not my job to spice up the life of Mr Beige.

In my experience, these guys have no friends or interests, they just adopt those of their girlfriend and when they get dumped, they just go back into hibernation on the sofa.

It’s the equivalent of dating a bowl of semolina.

PermanentTemporary · 27/10/2021 00:28

When I go on those cycling threads I say how much I wanted my dh to be well enough to go out cycling.

Those threads aren't about husbands having a hobby, they're about husbands who leave their partners to do solo parenting for enormous chunks of the weekend.

CatonMat · 27/10/2021 00:36

I don't think I have hobbies, but I am interested in things.
I wouldn't list them as hobbies though.
Then again, I'm a boring bastard.
I have more fun at home than I would cycling somewhere and then cycling back home again.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 27/10/2021 00:40

Probably means 'my ex organised everything at the weekends, all social events, all wifework, all shopping, cleaning and gardening and would be waiting to leave at 9am Sunday morning. I frequently stayed in bed until 1pm just to show her who was boss'

greenlynx · 27/10/2021 00:48

I don’t have hobbies neither my DH. However we are interested in many things so each of us would have a lots of ideas what to do for meet up with a friend. With this guy it looks like he hasn’t got any interests and that’s a red flag for me.

bluejoeythesailor · 27/10/2021 03:05

Surely it depends on other things like a having an interesting and consuming job?
Some people are fortunate to have work of this sort.

I don't really know that many people in their 30s who have 'hobbies' they maintain relationships which keep them busy: seeing friends/family/eating & drinking on the weekends (socialising). Or, the ones with younger children usually are consumed with childcare/child-related interests.

I'd say give him a chance, he may have a lot more to say for himself than about working and watching TV. I'd be more interested in how he communicates/relates to the world than his hobbies.

teaandakitkattodunk · 27/10/2021 08:13

If he has no hobbies, maybe he is a teacher?!

ufucoffee · 27/10/2021 08:22

I don't really have any hobbies but when I was single and OLD there were things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go, I just needed someone to do them with. I'd give him a chance. Just meet for a coffee. It's no big deal.

Lampan · 27/10/2021 08:42

No no no. The ‘just ask’ should have put you off. It’s a way of saying he expects you to start the conversation, he can’t be bothered to think of anything to say, isn’t that serious about meeting anyone or doesn’t feel he has anything interesting to write. Just Ask is awful. It’s for men who expect women to do all the running.
Aside from that, I think I would differentiate between ‘no hobbies’ and ‘no interests’. I can see that someone might temporarily not be pursuing hobbies for some reason, but having no interests would definitely put me off.

Kiitos · 27/10/2021 08:46

It’s not your job to inject more fun into his life. Him saying that implies to be he would expect you to make all the effort

ChaToilLeam · 27/10/2021 08:48

Grey flag. He sounds dull, and as if he would expect you to make all the effort.

lastqueenofscotland · 27/10/2021 08:58

Sounds dull… my ex didn’t have a “hobby” but followed football and used to go to a lot of gigs so had stuff to talk about. Met lots of interesting people too which makes for funny anecdotes!
I couldn’t put up with someone with no real hobbies or interests I’d be very bored

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/10/2021 09:00

I’m on the fence on this one, I wouldn’t list any of my interests as hobbies. I think of hobbies as something you go to a club for. I enjoy many things like travel, fashion, reading, scandi noir, photography, art etc but don’t consider them hobbies. Maybe he is the same. If you’re not sure about him now don’t bother, there’s no requirement to give him the benefit of the doubt. However you could be ruling him out for no good reason.

gannett · 27/10/2021 09:07

He sounds incredibly boring.

I don't really call the things I'm interested in "hobbies" because it's a twee word. They're more part of my lifestyle as a whole - passions that are also intertwined with my career.

But you can be damn sure if someone asked me what I liked doing I'd have a better answer than this "whatever" shrug.

"Watching telly" is actually the giveaway. It tells me nothing. TV contains a vast spectrum of shows. What do you like watching? What are your favourite shows? Why do you like them? Or do you just watch it mindlessly, consuming whatever's on with no thought? And if so, is it because the rest of your life is so busy and interesting that you need to switch your brain off sometimes? Or is it because you're just fucking dull?

You don't need a range of various quirky hobbies to be interesting. You just need to be interesting about what you DO do. Have opinions, have aesthetic tastes, know what you like and why you like it.

Fadingout · 27/10/2021 09:14

I’m on the fence. I don’t have hobbies especially. I read, watch TV, I like to travel (but kids with disabilities means it is more difficult). I’m not sure I’d be very good at writing an OLD profile and I’m sure I’d sound boring. Maybe he thinks by asking you to inject fun into his life he’s being sweet. If you don’t completely dislike him I’d consider meeting him to see what he’s like in person. He might be a diamond, he might be the more boring person on the planet but if he seems okay it might be worth an hour of your time. I don’t think I come across brilliantly online but I’m much better in person.

TheUndoingProject · 27/10/2021 09:17

It would put me off. Not because he doesn’t have a range of hobbies (I don’t either) but because he couldn’t make an effort to at least sound interested or engaged.

If someone asked me what my hobbies are I’d at least tell them the last book I’d read, what I like to cook, that I enjoy running, that I enjoy cinema, socialising etc.

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