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Original poster

Relationship advice

33 replies

Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 21:42

I moved my children and myself 200 miles to start a new relationship in my hometown. I had an emotional abusive husband for years. However my new partner said I should rent so all our kids could mix and get to know each other. I totally understand this. But I feel I left everything for this and I don’t feel I get the same back. He never stays at ours, even when he doesn’t have his kids.. I spoke and he said his job is crazy and he needs sleep. This really hurt.. I moved 200 miles yet he can’t spend one night a week with us… it always feels like it’s in his terms..everything we do…and about his kids.. he’s brilliant with my kids and an amazing dad..
Tonight I have his daughter for a sleep over yet where is he? At his house. I’m not sure how to feel or think about this. If anyone has any words of wisdom please say thank you x

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 24/10/2021 21:52

Why would you 'mix your kids' when you are 'starting a new relationship'?

tobedtoMNandfart · 24/10/2021 21:54

And if I had a pound for every time someone describes a selfish arse on MN and then follows it up with 'he's an amazing Dad' ... 🙄

StopPissingAbout · 24/10/2021 21:54

So, you're his babysitter? Where is he?

tobedtoMNandfart · 24/10/2021 21:55

Sorry I am tired and don't sound very sympathetic.
I think you need to live your life for you and not wait around to fit in with him.

Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 21:55

Sorry we’ve been seeing each other for over a year

OP posts:
StopPissingAbout · 24/10/2021 21:56

Stop having his dc and set clear boundaries and expectations or walk. I feel you may need your boots...

Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 21:56

But I agree

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 24/10/2021 21:57

How long have you been together in a relationship for?

StopPissingAbout · 24/10/2021 21:57

You've moved your dc 200 miles and he can't stay the night??? Polish those boots op

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2021 21:57

How long have you been dating and how did you meet?

Why have you agreed to having his DD over without him?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2021 21:58

X post. So how often have you been meeting up if it’s been 200 miles?

Itsbeen84yearss · 24/10/2021 21:59

He’s a next

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/10/2021 22:00

How long have you and he been together?.

I presume his daughter is over at your house also because "his job is crazy and he needs sleep".

This comment he made, "However my new partner said I should rent so all our kids could mix and get to know each other" seems weird as well. Note he did not mention his own self there.

Better to be on your own OP than to be so badly accompanied. Think this man is playing you for a fool frankly. What happens if and when you say no to him?.

Is he really being a Disney dad to your kids?. Why did you describe him as, " he’s brilliant with my kids and an amazing dad". The man's managed to palm his child off on you and he never stays in your house.

Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:01

So been dating for a year, and I sold my house and moved here in august. We see each other r most days he doesn’t live far away but every night I’m on my own and I miss my friends so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:02

Maybe I need to say no and take a step back?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 24/10/2021 22:02

You sold up and moved 200 miles for a guy you've been long distance dating for a year???
What a crazy decision. Your poor kids. Go back to where your friends and theirs are and never do anything so foolish again.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2021 22:04

What do you want to do then?

He’s got what he wants and isn’t going to change because he doesn’t want to.

Shame you uprooted your children who’ve presumably moved schools and lost their friends and isolated yourself. Now what?

catsandhens · 24/10/2021 22:05

He's leaving his DD to be looked after alone by a woman hes only known for a year and the child has potentially only known since august? Im sorry but he sounds like a terrible dad as well as a terrible partner. That poor child coming to see her dad and being fobbed off on someone else.

You are probably lovely to her etc but honestly thats shocking, would you do that to your kids and consider yourself a good mum?

dont spend your life waiting around for this man whilst providing free childcare

Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:05

It’s my home town and I had to
Leave for personal reasons. My ex was arrested

OP posts:
tiggerwhocamefortea · 24/10/2021 22:05

It was a bit naïve to uproot yours and your kids lives over a long distance relationship of only a year....how did you meet??

Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:06

Thank you I think your all just saying what I know deep down

OP posts:
Original poster
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:07

I’ve known him since I was 18, yes I know x

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 24/10/2021 22:07

Well that's quite a drip feed...

Kutekittens · 24/10/2021 22:10

Trust your feelings and experiences op. If you would like the kids to mix, may be you both need to take respective kids out together. In a way it's good that you are renting, take your time to make any major decision.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 24/10/2021 22:11

“Tonight I have his daughter for a sleep over yet where is he? At his house.”

That is some serious CFery! Are you his partner or his nanny?! Of course everything is on his terms as he’s acting like your employer.

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