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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship advice

33 replies

Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 21:42

I moved my children and myself 200 miles to start a new relationship in my hometown. I had an emotional abusive husband for years. However my new partner said I should rent so all our kids could mix and get to know each other. I totally understand this. But I feel I left everything for this and I don’t feel I get the same back. He never stays at ours, even when he doesn’t have his kids.. I spoke and he said his job is crazy and he needs sleep. This really hurt.. I moved 200 miles yet he can’t spend one night a week with us… it always feels like it’s in his terms..everything we do…and about his kids.. he’s brilliant with my kids and an amazing dad..
Tonight I have his daughter for a sleep over yet where is he? At his house. I’m not sure how to feel or think about this. If anyone has any words of wisdom please say thank you x

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 24/10/2021 22:25

Did you use him as an escape route from your abusive ex? If so it's kind of understandable but not the answer

Sittingonabench · 24/10/2021 22:37

Focusing on the good - it’s a fresh start, you have space to figure out what you want and whether where you are will give you that. Sounds like this guy won’t but that’s ok - broaden what you’re looking for from a step up in the relationship with him to building security and happiness for you and your dc.

Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:46

Thanks all xx life hey

OP posts:
Rutherwyke2006 · 24/10/2021 22:46

Close your eyes… I don’t know

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 25/10/2021 03:33

I was going to ask why you moved you & your DC 200 miles, but it's obvious from this -
Tonight I have his daughter for a sleep over yet where is he?

  • that you've been suborned for unpaid childcare.

How did you meet this charmer?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2021 04:23

You're being a doormat. Stop it.

Tonight I have his daughter for a sleep over yet where is he? At his house.

Are you mad? Have you no boundaries whatsoever?

MsDogLady · 25/10/2021 05:20

Rutherwyke, in January you wrote about this unstable relationship. Posters cautioned that you had jumped from one disastrous relationship to another.

You had a phone relationship with your Partner (an old flame) from February-July 2020, and you filed for divorce from your abusive Ex in June of that year. Later, issues arose when P would act like a single man when out with you—flirting with an OW and getting her number, and, another time, receiving repeated calls from an OW and messaging her ‘xx’ when you left the room. You also displayed faithless behavior by sexting an OM for a few weeks before having a word with yourself and stopping.

During this train wreck, your Ex was tracking, stalking and hacking you, for which he was arrested and forbidden to come near you. He sent your sexts to his sister, who forwarded them to your P.

By January both of you mistrusted the other. On top of that, you were his big secret, as he was divorcing but still lived in the family home.

You received wise advice to take time out from relationships, strengthen your self-esteem, and create a stable life with your children. It is troubling that you instead became further invested in this man who is not equally invested. It sounds like he is using you for sex and child care now that you’ve uprooted your family and become more convenient. As you say, it’s all about him.

You don’t have to settle for so little, Rutherwyke. The previous advice still applies. Walk away from this relationship and work on your boundaries. Your children are learning from your example. Flowers

Shoxfordian · 25/10/2021 06:12

It sounds like you’re his free childcare, not his partner. Have you done the freedom programme or had some therapy? Probably better to be single for a while and figure things out rather than with this loser

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