I am fairly sure that I want to leave my husband.
There are varied reasons, we’ve been married for 18 years and since the dc he’s never really been involved or taken on any of the dc stuff - or anything around the house although that bothers me less.
I couple this with a, what I feel is, vaguely unhealthy dynamic where he has always had all the money and all the say - it’s never been an equal partnership and the relationship has functioned been superficially in my opinion. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same, I don’t know, because I don’t really know him.
Also we never have sex, it’s been several years at a time and I definitely don’t want to sleep with him again.
But there’s no abuse, there’s no fighting, he loves the dc and me, the dc are happy - it functions day to day.
I’m not happy and I’m not really sure why, because it should be enough that the dc are happy and that DH is happy. We aren’t poor. We aren’t fighting. So it should be enough and I try and make the decision to stay - at least another 12 years until my youngest is 18 anyway but it never feels like a proper decision or a final one. I’m still back and forth in my mind all the time.
I spoke with DH last June and said I was leaving if things didn’t improve and since then he has been doing some of the school runs and some of the bedtimes etc where prior to that the count over the previous decade had been zero. He is trying.
Why isn’t enough?
I cannot reconcile staying and feeling as I do, one foot out the door or leaving and upsetting the dc and my DH so hugely.
There’s no good answer here. How do I find one?