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Original poster

Coffee spiked?

50 replies

worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 12:47

I feel a bit worried asking this but it's got to the stage where I feel I must at least get it down in writing.
I have already separated from my husband and I have people around me so I am perfectly safe.
I separated due to his infidelity but I don't think I know the half of it and I am starting to wonder if he was spiking my coffee with a sedative in the evenings sometimes so he could stay up and watch porn/webcam etc.
The reason I wonder is since separating I've noticed I am nowhere near as tired as I used to be and I no longer have muscle aches. For a couple of years at least I would get tired and go to bed at 8pm and sleep right through. I used to feel really stiff and even turning over in bed would be painful.
He always used to make me coffee in the evening. He had a host of medication because he has complained of headache for over 20 years and he now just gets regular prescriptions from the GP. I wonder if he was putting something in my coffee.
I know this is a serious allegation. I have no proof and I have not mentioned it to a soul IRL. Nor will I. It just seems very, very odd.
I haven't made any changes to my diet since leaving. I don't think it's because I'm more relaxed because I've been through a lot of stress with leaving, moving, etc.
I know it sounds paranoid. Is it possible he was though?

OP posts:
almaonao · 24/10/2021 12:53

Sounds very possible. Be careful!

Winniemarysarah · 24/10/2021 12:54

Well it’s certainly possible. I know it’s hard but can you recall of any evenings where you didn’t have a coffee and you didn’t feel so exhausted? How long ago did you break up? A lot of drugs are out of your system pretty quickly, but if he was drugging you regularly over a long period of time then it should show up in hair samples. I do think it’s worth investigating just from a medical point of view, if not a legal one. The type of drugs that cause the effects that you had should not be taken long term at all, they could have caused damage to your kidneys/liver etc. I’d consider going to your doctor to get your organ function checked, and maybe paying privately to get a hair sample done.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:02

It's only been two weeks since I left. I hadn't thought about a hair sample. Thank you for the suggestion.
I really can't remember any specific evening.

OP posts:
BrunoJenkins · 24/10/2021 13:05

Are you still drinking coffee before bed?

doitwithlove · 24/10/2021 13:06

It could be you had been spiked, it could also be stress related tiredness and body aches from your mind overthinking your husbands infidelity.

Before my exh left, I was constantly stressed - neck, shoulder and upper body aches and pains along with being very tired, a few months after he left my feelings of tiredness and fatigue eased greatly.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:08

@doitwithlove

It could be you had been spiked, it could also be stress related tiredness and body aches from your mind overthinking your husbands infidelity.

Before my exh left, I was constantly stressed - neck, shoulder and upper body aches and pains along with being very tired, a few months after he left my feelings of tiredness and fatigue eased greatly.

No, I mean I'm viewing this after-the-fact. When he was making me coffee I was blissfully unaware that he was being unfaithful. Just thought I had a considerate husband who'd make me coffee every evening.
OP posts:
Opentooffers · 24/10/2021 13:08

It's possible, but you can never really know. The signs of being given stuff I think would be more pronounced than just feeling better though, as there would likely be withdrawal symptoms, feeling twitched and jittery. It's good that you are feeling better, it could equally be because you are out of a situation that you were unhappy in. Depression and stress could of equally been the cause of being tired and achey and some of that will have been lifted since though new stresses still occur
The important thing is that you feel better than you did and will have a brighter future Smile

category12 · 24/10/2021 13:08

Do you remember what drugs he had available to him?

Being so tired you went to bed at 8pm doesn't sounds right at all.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:08

Yes I still drink coffee.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:10

@category12

Do you remember what drugs he had available to him?

Being so tired you went to bed at 8pm doesn't sounds right at all.

Some sort of tryptinline - nortriptyline/amitriptyline I think. Gabapentin. There were others but I can't remember.
OP posts:
QuestionNumberOne · 24/10/2021 13:11

Whoa it does sound like it’s possible he did this. That would be so shocking. But falling asleep at 8pm and sleeping through is unusual.

Thelikelylass · 24/10/2021 13:12

I don't want to alarm you OP but my ex used to assault me when I was asleep. Go with your gut. People are capable of anything.

CagneyNYPD1 · 24/10/2021 13:12

It wouldn't even need to be a prescription medicine. If I take a Pirton before bed, I am out for the count within the hour and then can feel quite heavy limbed the following day.

The evening coffee... Decaff?

BrunoJenkins · 24/10/2021 13:13

@worriedbutfree

Yes I still drink coffee.
Perhaps he was "spiking" you with decaf coffee, whereas now you're making yourself a strong real coffee before bed and wondering why you're not tired.
CagneyNYPD1 · 24/10/2021 13:14

Amytriptiline would most certainly do it. Very small tablets. Can be easily crushed. I'm really sorry.

Stringsnthings · 24/10/2021 13:16

Is it also possible that sharing a bed with someone meant you didn't sleep well? Plus only having half a bed meaning your more cramped and muscle aches. Do you have a new bed/mattress?

It's possible you were drugged but irs quire a leap. Do you have any other reasons to suggest he was the type of person to drug you? Was he abusive in other ways?

category12 · 24/10/2021 13:16

I think both amitriptyline and gabapentin can cause drowsiness/sleepiness.

It sounds possible. If you think he's capable of that, then you're well out of it.

Gavinandstacey32 · 24/10/2021 13:16

I used to be on amitriptline (sorry know that’s spelt wrong) and had to be very careful about the time I took it because I’d be in bed within the hour, go with your gut!!

FoggyFeb · 24/10/2021 13:17

Amitriptyline has a strong sedative effect. It can have other side effects too. Also, depending on how much you had, there can be withdrawal if you stop abruptly. A low dose probably wouldn't give withdrawal symptoms though.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:18

I drink just normal instant coffee from the supermarket. Not de-caff.

I'm trying to avoid him as much as possible although full NC is not possible.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/10/2021 13:19

I'm sorry. And I do not think you are being unreasonable to wonder.

He might not have been spiking your drinks so he could watch things on his computer. He could have been doing it so you had no opportunity to consent to or memory of anything that happened overnight.

13 hours' sleep wasn't enough for me when I was with an ex. These days, I can get by, albeit tired, with four. The difference is that I'm not being repeatedly woken up for brief periods overnight by a foul piece of shit.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:22

@category12

I think both amitriptyline and gabapentin can cause drowsiness/sleepiness.

It sounds possible. If you think he's capable of that, then you're well out of it.

No way would I have thought him capable of that before I found out about his infidelity. As far as I was concerned he was my best friend, had my back, no way on earth would he do anything to hurt me. Only the aftermath of finding out, the details of it and his behaviour following that has shown me that he has two faces, possibly more than two. I'm well out of it yes, just still a bit worried.
OP posts:
Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:27

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I'm sorry. And I do not think you are being unreasonable to wonder.

He might not have been spiking your drinks so he could watch things on his computer. He could have been doing it so you had no opportunity to consent to or memory of anything that happened overnight.

13 hours' sleep wasn't enough for me when I was with an ex. These days, I can get by, albeit tired, with four. The difference is that I'm not being repeatedly woken up for brief periods overnight by a foul piece of shit.

I am sorry you had to experience that.

Your suggestion is possible I guess. Hope not TMI but I occasionally would wake up with anal cramping which was very painful but I thought it was being in a sleeping position for too long.
Surely there would be other signs though.

OP posts:
antwacky · 24/10/2021 13:27

It is indeed possible, I actually know someone who's H did this to her. It might be worth seeking a professional opinion and maybe look into the possibility of hair analysis showing something as suggested by a previous poster.

Original poster
worriedbutfree · 24/10/2021 13:42

@Stringsnthings

Is it also possible that sharing a bed with someone meant you didn't sleep well? Plus only having half a bed meaning your more cramped and muscle aches. Do you have a new bed/mattress?

It's possible you were drugged but irs quire a leap. Do you have any other reasons to suggest he was the type of person to drug you? Was he abusive in other ways?

Bed explanation is possible. I was trying to think of other environmental issues like water type as well. I thought he was one person, he has turned out to be another. Don't want to give too many details but his manner of infidelity is certainly abusive towards women. He engaged in risky activities. He'd developed an odd 'kink' with me too just before I found out about his infidelity.
OP posts: