Coffee spiked?

[worriedbutfree]

I feel a bit worried asking this but it's got to the stage where I feel I must at least get it down in writing.
I have already separated from my husband and I have people around me so I am perfectly safe.
I separated due to his infidelity but I don't think I know the half of it and I am starting to wonder if he was spiking my coffee with a sedative in the evenings sometimes so he could stay up and watch porn/webcam etc.
The reason I wonder is since separating I've noticed I am nowhere near as tired as I used to be and I no longer have muscle aches. For a couple of years at least I would get tired and go to bed at 8pm and sleep right through. I used to feel really stiff and even turning over in bed would be painful.
He always used to make me coffee in the evening. He had a host of medication because he has complained of headache for over 20 years and he now just gets regular prescriptions from the GP. I wonder if he was putting something in my coffee.
I know this is a serious allegation. I have no proof and I have not mentioned it to a soul IRL. Nor will I. It just seems very, very odd.
I haven't made any changes to my diet since leaving. I don't think it's because I'm more relaxed because I've been through a lot of stress with leaving, moving, etc.
I know it sounds paranoid. Is it possible he was though?

I think you'd be aware of being woken or disturbed or discomfort at night, if that was the cause of your fatigue.

Being so tired you were going to bed at 8 and sleeping through isn't natural unless you have some kind of health condition.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You say you are still having to see him-is it because you have children together? Please be aware that if (if!) he drugged you he may well do the same to them.

If you think he was doing this up until 2 weeks ago you can ask for a urine test to see if you have any in your system.

It's probably too late for a urine or blood test.

You would have withdrawal symptoms if he had drugged u with any of those

@Dddccc

You would have withdrawal symptoms if he had drugged u with any of those

Depends on the dosage.

But I do think it's possible that OP was drugged.

He had means and motive. You have anecdotal experiences that support the possibility. I think I would report this.

@Dddccc

You would have withdrawal symptoms if he had drugged u with any of those

The withdrawal symptoms on a couple of those are very similar to the side effects of long term use and generally don’t last long. There’s every chance she’s come out of the other side of withdrawals without knowing what was happening. Op I was on 50mg amitriptyline a few years ago, 1 pill knocked me out for almost 24 hours, anyone could have done literally anything to me and I wouldn’t have known about it. Before you left did you look through any devices he may have had, chances are if he was drugging and assaulting you then he’s taken pictures or videos

Please say you don't have children with him OP?

Low dose triptyline (10mg) are prescribed for insomnia. Withdrawal effects would be minimal to zero. If given to someone who does not have any trouble sleeping, the effect would be drowsiness which would wear off by the morning if given in the evening.
If there had been any instances of spiking during the day, the drowsiness would be noticed probably within the hour, and it would be much more noticeable than at night.

Not sure if ok to post links here but this is some advice from a US site on what to do if you suspect an intimate partner has been drugging you: www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/drugging-an-intimate-partner-as-an-abuse-tactic

Might be worth going to GP in first instance to explain situation and ask for toxicology testing. Even if they're not sure what to do they can put it on your record and seek advice from other agencies on your behalf if necessary. Maybe also contact Women's Aid for advice. Echo PPs about kids if you have them - if he's been covertly drugging you that's a potential safeguarding issue for kids in his care too. Sorry you are going through this

It does sound possible.
Any sea sickness or travel sickness pills around? They can have an extreme effect of drowsiness for some people. And easily available.

A person must have a strong dislike for you,if he did things like this, which was not the norm,at other times in your relationship.But you never know how a persons mind works sometimes..

Op I think for your own peace of mind get a hair sample tested to see.

Was the kink he developed about non-consensual stuff?

Kind of @category12

Putting hand over my mouth 'sssh be quiet' when DTD. Wasn't aggressive. Sorry if TMI.

Realised I do need to speak to someone about this now.

@worriedbutfree - yes, you do need to speak to someone about this. How terrifying for you. It’s very odd that he just accepted you being so tired and needing so much sleep because needing that amount of sleep over a prolonged period would generally indicate a serious health issue. The fact that it doesn’t seem to have bothered him suggests it suited him and actually also that he may have been doing something to bring it about.

It sounds like he was starting to act out rape-type fantasies with you. The fact that you woke up with unexplained pains also suggests things may have been being done to you overnight.

Good luck working this out, OP.

The teen author Helen Bailey was a victim of spiking by her then partner, who eventually murdered her. It's perfectly plausible, given that you had body aches too, that he was doing things to you. Please get yourself checked out - a thorough examination if you are comfortable with that. I hope you are OK

I'm glad firstly that you're out of this relationship but sorry it ended up the way it did.

It sounds plausible that your ex could have been putting something in your coffee. I mean, there could be another explanation, environmental or linked to your mental or physical health but you may never know for sure. Coupled with the pains you have been describing, would you consider going to the GP, explaining your suspicions and the reasons behind them and asking if there is any test that can be done (specifying which medications you know he would have had access to). They may be able to advise on any longer term risks, as if you were given something, you don't know the dose or duration.

I also wonder if rape crisis, womensaid or the police could advise you (if you wanted) on whether an physical examination would show anything at this stage. You wouldn't need to report your suspicions if you didn't want to, but an examination may at least be able to give you some answers

Did you get a hair sample test op?

How did you feel in the mornings? When I was on amitriptyline I felt horribly groggy in the mornings - I only took it just before bed - and this was the main reason I stopped taking it. I had no side effects stopping a 20mg dose.

Be prepared to be told you are paranoid.

Because despite the numerous and widespread examples of men doing exactly this type of drugging, rape and, I’m sorry to put this to you, but also filming these attacks and monetising them online, some people just refuse to believe it.

Make contact with a therapist, it is vitally important to look after your mental health because ‘oh if you don’t remember how can you be hurt’ is total bullshit.

The breach of trust alone can leave you with significant issues, and there is an added factor that if filmed/put online, then the rapist puts victims into life-long danger from other perverts who see it & want to assume you consented/were pretending to be unconscious.

My ex has essentially ensured I will never have a ‘normal’ life again.

Did you have any unusual moods during that time? Amitriptyline made me really uncharacteristically angry; I've since been told that's a common side effect. I was prescribed it for sleep.

Thought I'd post an update because it occurred to me this morning that seemingly normal men can go to shocking lengths to feed their porn and escort habits.

I am happily separated from him and NC as much as possible. I am even more convinced now that he was spiking my coffee as my rosacea that I had for about 3 years has disappeared, and rosacea is a known side effect of one of his sleeping medications.

Thinking more rationally now, I remember the odd times where I used to stay up late, or would try to stay awake, and he would say things like making jokes, 'you! still up at 9pm!' and asking me 'what's wrong with you?!' when I would occasionally decline a coffee.

You would never suspect this man of such a thing IRL. He is charming and most people would assume I'd gone crazy to suspect such a thing. Since leaving he has fluctuated between being nice, being suicidal, but very occasionally being what I would describe as evil. I think this side comes out of him when he feels annoyed that I am no longer by his side to provide a veneer of respectability; that balance he must need to counteract his seedy side.

I have not told a soul about my suspicions IRL. I use this site to self-soothe and am so grateful for it and for being provided with the strength to break free and to start to rebuild my life.

@worriedbutfree glad you found out for yourself what he was doing. Stay free and well!!!