Apologies, this is my first time posting on a forum so bare with me.
I am in a good relationship, however I feel I am in a bit of a limbo. I just don’t know where I stand. Just to give you a back story, I have been in a relationship with my OH for just over 2.5 years. Absolutely adore him and for the first time in life I feel very much loved. I get treated well and taken care off. OH is 39 and has 2 kids, I am 33 no previous marriage or kids. He has been married before but he left within 6 months.
I came along 8 years after the end of his previous marriage. You’d think that by then someone would have made their mind up about what’s next. However I don’t think OH knows what he wants!
There are a few issues here. To start, having any serious conversation with him never ends well, about 6 months ago I tried to have an open discussion with him about where he thinks we are headed, I simply asked if he saw marriage in the future for us, no pressure but just to find out if we are on the same path. Sadly the conversation ended because he said he felt like I was forcing him into marriage…. Ummm okay. At that moment I decided to take a few steps back, I collected a few eggs out of the basket, if you catch my drift. From then on I have been very weary of any serious conversations because I don’t want the tension that comes afterwards, but thoughts of it are constantly floating on my mind. It’s as if there’s questions I can not ask because they are above my pay grade!!
He’s not exactly the easiest person to talk to because you never know which way a conversation can go. Recently I’ve come to notice that at times it’s “I” then other times it’s “we”. It’s as if he forgets that we are a team, it’s we not I.. anyway those little things are nagging at me now more and more.
I have noticed that he has a big problem with trust, he trusts no one in life, myself included. Which is really upsetting to see. Some days I feel there is a future, other days I wonder what the heck I am there for. I feel as though I am just floating along hoping something will happen. Some days are so tough, especially when I see colleagues, friends and old school friends getting engaged etc and I have no clue if that’ll happen for me. Marriage and commitment are important to me. I’ve had 2 previous serious relationships which have both ended badly, 1 cheated and I did not see it coming and the other married someone else behind my back.
When the first lockdown was announced he asked me to come and live with him until everything was okay, which I was happy about, it was great and we definitely kept each other sane. He asked me to stay as he said he loved living with me. However in May he suddenly decided that I should find somewhere else to live, because he will be starting building work in June/July (he is building his own home) and there would be so much noise plus also because he didn’t recall asking me to permanently move in. This took me quite by surprise but I didn’t react, I went and found myself a room to rent in a lovely home. Now, whenever I leave his to come back to mine, only a few miles down the road, he seems sad, he has made comments about how much he hates it when I’m not there.
I definitely think he has issues with people being in his space for too long, it’s a pattern, even with his kids. I am now questioning other things like his refusal to post/ be tagged in photos of us on social media, he says it is because he’s a very private person, then the next time he’ll say because he doesn’t want to upset his kids and ex wife. I do spend time with him and his kids now and then, so it’s not as if there is no clarity about us being in a relationship.
Now to my question, I am not the cheating type nor do I condone it. However I am beginning to wonder if maybe I am better off keeping my options open because I can see myself in this same place in 5 years time. I am not getting any younger and I certainly don’t feel secure.
Apologies for the long post.