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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A RANT MUCH NEEDED!

30 replies

PEONY1318 · 10/12/2007 17:04

I just need a rant about this which my other half does not seem phased by at all! Maybe I am being too sensitive!!??

Before I met my other half I was friends with his sister first.. which was great at first... we both got pregnant at about the same time and now both have little boys just four months apart.. I am now expecting in two weeks with no.2... I have always been on about routine routine routine after reading the baby whisperer, and it's worked superbly for us with no.1 whereas my SIL is the total opposite in parenting style to me and whose son never slept properly since born.... Throughout this pregnancy both SIL and BIL have said the most cruel comment ever... that they wished that my no.2 will be much worse than their LO!!!! in terms of sleep, etc etc... I just cannot understand how people can be so evil!!! They keep thinking we were lucky having a baby who slept through from 3 months.. they don't realise that half the time you as the parent have to put in the work... when they first said that to me I was in absolute shock because it made me self doubt myself.. maybe I was just lucky first time round and that this time I may give birth to a hellraiser (!) but after them saying it numerous times I am determined to show them that it can be done again!!! My friend who has recently had no. 2 also self doubted herself (she too had put her LO into a good routine from 3 months) and when she heard what my SIL said she was infuriated...as her no.2 has been a more difficult baby to settle... (when SIL found out you should have seen her gloating face!) but now 4 months on she too has him in a good routine and has been sleeping through since 3months old ( personally cannot wait till my friend tells her this)

anyways... it has been annoying me so much... and I am sure that once no. 2 arrives they will have much to say...

OP posts:
Mich10 · 10/12/2007 17:14

Maybe lack of sleep has just made their brain diengage from their mouths. Hurtful sentiments to be voicing but as you say the "proof is in the pudding" just do it with lo2 whilst smiling sweetly and talking about the benefits of "routine, routine, routine". As for your dh, I can understand why you need to let of steam but lifes too short to be pissed by his reaction. He probably is feeling less shaken in your joint ability as he is not dealing with the hormones.

Mich10 · 10/12/2007 17:15

diengage - evidently a Fraudien slip, I meant dis-engage.

Original poster
PEONY1318 · 10/12/2007 17:19

Thanks.. I suspect that too... bless them they haven't had much sleep in the last 2.5 years...

OP posts:
CarmenerryChristmas · 10/12/2007 17:20

Really people should stop worrying about how others parent their children. No one knows how to do it 'properly', only what works for them. You may well find that your second doesn't fit well into your routine, particularly as there will be an older sibling around the place. Wait and see and stop setting yourself silly goals just to show your inlaws that you were right. Concentrate on what is important and that is enjoying your pregnancy and new baby.

ItWasOnlyAWintersTellus · 10/12/2007 17:26

Or perhaps they're fed up with you always "going on about routine, routine, routine" and suggesting that they're simply not trying hard enough?

I was massively smug about ds's estinghabits. Then I had dd...

LoveAngelGabriel · 10/12/2007 17:55

Sorry, but I do believe that babies are often predisposed to be 'good' or 'bad' sleepers, and that those parents who congratulate themselves a little too enthusiastically on how well they've done with putting their babies into a routine are often cruising for a big shock with future children (not always, but often). That said, there is no need for your SIL to be bitchy and bitter towards you. Are you sure she wasn't saying it in jest?

HappyWoman · 10/12/2007 18:50

I am a mum of 4 and agree that there is no hard and fast rule - it is all about persepection(sp?).

With 2 I thought I had it all figured out - lovely routines and very settled DD whole slept through from 2 weeks!!!!

But then lulled into a false sence of security had DS - what a shock to the system. He did not sleep through until he was 4 and I think he just hated being a baby becasue once 4 he was wonderful and still is.

Number 4 needless to say was not a planned extra!!

If sucess of your parenting depends on sleep and routine I fear you are in for a major shock as they grow and deveolop their own ideas.

They are all different and bring different things (and problems) for you and they dont get any easier as they get older either - they just change.

Anyway good luck and if the routine works for you then go for it but dont judge others failings by your own standands.

Original poster
PEONY1318 · 11/12/2007 12:46

Gosh alot of harsh critics here while I was only looking for some sympathy !!!

In my defence I never intoned the routine thing into said SIL , i believe i only mentioned it once and that was ONLY when SHE asked me for some help... I am not one to gloat over successes as I always think it 'jinxes' you , but never once during this pregnancy do I expect no, 2 to be exactly the same as my first!!! and of course I am aware of my toddler... I have seen other friends having no. 2 and am not stupid enough not to notice the difference... all babies are different!!! My said friend is pure example, so please thanks Happy Woman for your perspective which I will take into account when no.2 does arrive ...and BELIEVE me LoveAngelGabriel... my SIL has been repeating herself everytime we meet so in jest .. I don't think so.. but all in all... thanks everybody for their input and hopefully no. 2 will arrive soon!!! Merry Christmas everyone! .

OP posts:
missingtheaction · 11/12/2007 18:33

As the mother of two non-sleeping non-eating babies i found it very hard to sympathise with anyone whose baby ate or slept - irrational and unsaintly I know but I was so jealous! Just pity them, poor sleep deprived green-eyed monsters that they are, Rise Above It, congratulate yourself for doing so well so far, and get on with it your own way.

Here's hoping for a Christmas Baby

Original poster
PEONY1318 · 14/12/2007 16:13

Thank you missingtheaction... my sympathies... just hope this one arrives before Christmas!!!!! Am now 39 weeks and am fed up!

OP posts:
micegg · 14/12/2007 19:09

They are jealous. My DD was 6 months before she slept through. A friends baby was 8 weeks. No difference in routine it's just the way it was.

Original poster
PEONY1318 · 04/01/2008 15:09

tHANKS MICEGG at least there are some sympathetic people out there

OP posts:
colditz · 04/01/2008 15:16

pmsL it is only about 20% to do with the work you put in, and about 80% to do with the type of baby you get. And if you keep barbling about how you have put more work in and that's why your baby sleeps more, then i think they are entirely justified to wish a non sleeper on you!

colditz · 04/01/2008 15:19

I did exactly the same with ds2 (slept through at 11 months) as I did with ds1 (slept through at 8 weeks)

yab too sensitive

hunkermunker · 04/01/2008 15:20

Really the most cruel comment ever? I can think of far worse, honestly.

I do think it's naive that you think it's all down to how you parent as well.

But you'll either discover this or not, depending on nature of second child. Good luck.

jezzemxmas · 04/01/2008 15:26

Don't worry I have a SIL who does this. She very rarely has a nice word to say about anyone, is constantly slagging people off.
She often has little "digs" at me about my children. I just try to ignore her for the sake of my DB but I have to admit she is getting worse and I don't think I can ignore it for much more.
My dds have always had a routine and have slept through since they were babies whereas her son is still in their bed at 5year old and is supernanny material. I think sometimes it is jealousy.

jezzemxmas · 04/01/2008 15:30

Of course I am also the best, most wonderful mother in the whole wide world

tangent · 04/01/2008 15:30

was just about type my comment when realised colditz said exactly what i wanted to say. sounds like you've been pissing them off for ages.
but it can't feel nice that people are wishing difficult children on you.
maybe you should apologise to them for getting on their nerves with your routine rants and made them feel inadequate. you might even get an apology in return. job done, calm restored, new baby born into more friendly environment.

Piggy · 04/01/2008 15:34

My favourite bit was "they don't realise that half the time you as the parent have to put in the work".

All those attachment parenting fans really are lazy cows aren't they? Snort.

tangent · 04/01/2008 15:36

Piggy, i've heard this 'attachment parenting' phrase a lot recently, what is it? Think i'm one of them

Piggy · 04/01/2008 15:38

I am too. I have always gone to my children when they cry, I fed on demand, I held them most of the time etc etc. Personally I think it's much harder than putting your baby into a strict routine. Hence the irony in my post.

tangent · 04/01/2008 15:44

Yes, I am one of those. Got lucky with DS2 though, not as demanding this time. But haven't done anything different so can't take the credit.

Piggy · 04/01/2008 15:45

Mine were both hard work. Perhaps I should have put in more effort.

tangent · 04/01/2008 15:46

I'm going for a lie down. So lazy.

jezzemxmas · 04/01/2008 15:47

Piggy, We have done all of that too (can't stand the thought of little babies feeling all alone and screaming) but we both decided when it reached 7 o'clock they were in bed (luckily they were nearly always ready for sleep at this time and mostly stayed there all night)
Would have driven me and DH up the wall if they were still up at stupid o'clock. We needed time for us and to relax ahhhhhh