Why can't we talk about ££ without falling out?

[twofishes]

To cut a long story short I have a poor credit history (from way back when before I met him due to failed IVA, debts accrued trying to pay bills etc)he has a good credit rating , has credit but pays off early etc when he can
However this really affects how we deal with ££, we have separate accounts I work part time, him full time..I get Tax Credits in my account.the deal is I pay Childcare, Food , Petrol and 'so called' incidential (clothes, shoes dinner money, school stuff etc )the credit card payments, he pays Mortgage, insurances, council tax and utility bills insurance, gas & elec so we pay out about the same, but he has more ££ left over each month and has managed to accrue about £1.5K in his account ..I always have £0 by end of month but usually manage okay.
However last two months due to extra Childcare costs and Xmas I have been short to pay things so have to 'ask' hime for ££ which always results in a lecture from him about 'chucking money' away and a huge row!!
This month I have listed everything I have paid for (take outs, shoes for kids, xmas shopping etc) I need to ask him for ££ tonight and know it will end in huge row in fact I am actually NERVOUS about bringing the subject up..have even thought about borrowing money from Provident or someone instead of asking him ..how bad is that ?
Anyone else have the same problem or any advice how to deal with it all without arguing each time...my friends say he is a control freak and he is using the ££ to exert some kind of authority over me...I think it is just different ways of looking at ££

[millie865]

I think whatever else you do you need to get a new job. I think it is always difficult working with/for a partner (although some people manage to make it work very well) but in your current situation it must be impossible.

The 'you are hysterical accusation' is just a distraction. Ignore it. Don't get drawn into an argument about whether you are or are not being hysterical. Just keep stating your case. If he doesn't like your proposed solution ask him what his solution is.

For what its worth I wouldn't accuse him of caring more about his lunch and magazines than his children's lunch - it will only get his back up and won't help. Try to focus on what you would like from him in future rather than what he has done wrong in the past. A good starting point would be that you both have the same amount of personal spending money after all the bills have been paid. You may have to compromise too - for example if he is worried about a joint account becuase of your debt history you might have to agree a budget together for household expenditure and promise you won't spend more than that.

Good luck

[twofishes]

he has rung and have spoken briefly to him( although very busy as short staffed cos I am not there!), his suggestion (rather dramatically) is that he hands over all his wage to me then I can give him X amount back and I then keep the rest to 'do what I like with'..I said that wasn't a solution and that all I was asking for is a fairer divide of money leftover and a fairer divide of who pays what. That I didn't expect him to have to ask me for money anymore than I should have to ask him and that we should get a proper budget set up and work it out fairly ..the reply to which was 'we'll talk about it later, you work it all out and I'll have a look at it..' whatever that means ph'raps we are making a step in right direction