Hello, I'm currently in a women's refuge with my 2 children. I didn't realise how hard it was actually going to be leaving my abuser. Him and our relationship is all I've known since I was 15 years old. He was controlling, abusive, manipulating, violent, angry, narcissistic just very very hard to live with.
Last year we split up for 4 months and whilst I enjoyed my freedom I also didn't know how to handle being free to do what I wanted when I wanted and we got back together. During those 4 months I slept with somebody else, I did tell him before we started out relationship back up just so it was in the open. We weren't together however he said I cheated so often in the last 11 months of being back together the arguments are always based on me cheating. I just took it and took it, all the horrible names, words, the pushes and shoves, the fact I couldn't have a phone or leave the house without him because I loved him. I must add at this point out relationship has been like this for years before the 'cheating'
Last week again it kicked off again it can be a tiny little discussion that causes him to flip if something is said he doesn't like or if I say something out of turn for instance. It was a small matter that quickly escalated into a whole 'was he better than me' 'did you shag him more than once ' 'you don't love me'. He ended up cornering me in the living room and smashing our glass door pane, our son got in the middle to try and separate us (he's 5) and that was the last straw for me.
I waited for him to take himself upstairs, got on my daughters tablet and got the police on live chat, they removed him immediately and although I had a bruised back and arms I didn't want to press and charges. I left the next day to a refuge but I'm missing home so badly. Missing him, why do I miss him? why do I even care about him? I just can't understand why I don't feel elated to be free.