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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is your dh there for breakfast or dinner? or both

56 replies

fio2 · 12/11/2004 07:16

Very very self pitying post.....

but are they there for breakfast or dinner? or both?

do they sometimes take the kids to school/nursery or pick them up?

Do they bath the kids? read to them and put them to bed?

I do all this on my own ALL day every day and it's really getting me down. I have started to think I would be better off on my own. last night me and dh had a row because I wouldnt cook him his dinner even though I hadnt had mine. I went to bed without eating. But suprise suprise he made his own tea bfore coming to bed, even though he wouldnt make us any. \

I am just so fed up and lonely.

I know he is tired but things never seem to change Just wanted to know if everyone else got help like this and am I unreasonable to dream about having that one day?

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 12/11/2004 09:26

Just breakfast - he does the kids while I'm at the gym having a swim !

He's never in for their dinner as they eat at 5.30, so we eat together later on about 8pm if possible.

I hate the kids tea time cos they are terrible eaters and it ends up being like a war zone - so stressful. I would LOVE to have help at that time but alas, it is not to be!

spacemonkey · 12/11/2004 09:26

well you're not the only one fio so don't feel bad about it

what's the course?

Hulababy · 12/11/2004 09:27

Sorry you are feeling so down Fio (((hugs)))

Gobbledigook · 12/11/2004 09:30

Fio2 - sorry, I've been a bit insensitive because I didn't read the original post so didn't realise you were down.

I can see why, his behaviour seems a little unfair - not to cook you both dinner but do his own??? That's terrible but good on you in a way for not giving in and doing it yourself. YOU should have made your own!

I don't think you are in any way unreasonable to want more help. Could he not get in from work early enough to do the kids bath and bed and then you could cook/prepare dinner while he's doing that (plus he would gain some quality time with his kids)?

I know that doesn't really give you a break but at least dh would be doing something.

Original poster
fio2 · 12/11/2004 09:35

sorry i am feeling really guilty now. because he does work very hard and it is not his fault that he works long hours. he spends 5 hours a day travelling. i just cant see how we can acrry on like this and I need to get it off my chest, sorry

sm, it is a craft course! you know the one where I need to rtake my sewing machine with me

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 12/11/2004 09:40

Don't feel guilty, you've every right to have a moan!

Did you buy one of those lovely old woman trolleys to transport your sewing machine to college and back?

luckymum · 12/11/2004 09:41

I wish you still lived up here Fio - I'd come and get your dd off the bus But then again if you were still here there wouldn't be a bus!!

charliecat · 12/11/2004 09:48

Awww Fio...Since coming to the end of my tether I have had a HUGE clearout of clutter as the mess of the house that is always left to me was getting me down and although its not perfect, and the place is still a sht hole, its not such a big shthole since I got rid of 9 blackbags of toys and a load of other clutter. Its a more managable mess. I really feel for you xxx

charliecat · 12/11/2004 09:50

Oh and dp nearly choked at the thought of being left to the mess and the kids and the toilet cleaning and the school run if I dropped dead so you may want to try that line

Original poster
fio2 · 12/11/2004 09:50

well i am slowly getting through my clutter charliecat but sometimes i just seem to move somethings from one room to another and sometimes i just dont know where to start, its a nightmare isnt it?

OP posts:
Original poster
fio2 · 12/11/2004 10:02

and no sm, i am dead jealous i want a shopping trolley like your

OP posts:
charliecat · 12/11/2004 10:03

Oh yeah, thats what I called shit shifting...shovelling it from one room to another day after day after day...and it never quite gets put away....SIGH

suzywong · 12/11/2004 10:04

both, since you ask

fairyfly · 12/11/2004 10:06

Things will change for you fio i guarantee it. You are just too lovely for them not to. He wont always be in that job, you will both find things that suit and make you happy. Your course starts tomorrow and i reckon thats the beginning of things falling into place. Just don't talk to anyone.

suzywong · 12/11/2004 10:06

both, since you ask

Original poster
fio2 · 12/11/2004 10:08

thanks FF

suzywong, there is no need to rub it in posted it twice too, huh!

OP posts:
suzywong · 12/11/2004 10:08

Oh dear
I think I have entirely misunderstood the tone of this conversation - sorry Fio2

Hulababy · 12/11/2004 10:10

Sorry - I didn't read full message when I posted either; didn't mean to make things seem worse Fio I focused on answering the questions, without rading on. Only read rest after it was too late.

Sorry Fio

marthamoo · 12/11/2004 10:18

Sidetracking but...I didn't know you were pregnant HoxtonChick - congratulations!

And yes, it is bldy annoying, isn't it? I get up around 5 every day (even at the weekends because if dh gets up at that time even when he isn't working he is so grumpy we have a crap weekend). I get me ready, the kids ready, all breakfasted, empty dishwasher, clear up breakfast things, usually stick some washing in (all the time I am doing times tables or spellings with ds1), and we have to be out of the door and on our way to school by 8.30. Dh has to leave the house at 8.45 so he gets out of bed around 8.15/8.20, breezes downstairs, and leans against the worktop in the kichen drinking coffee and eating toast while I run around like a headless chicken finding shoes and getting a recaltricant ds2 in his buggy etc.

In fact, I HATE him in the mornings! Usually arrive at school muttering about divorce...

harman · 12/11/2004 11:06

Message withdrawn

Uwila · 12/11/2004 13:23

Fio, I think these threads serve a much greater purpose than a self-indulgent sulk from the original poster. I think that there are loads of MNers whor read and lurk because they are in the same boat. We just don't always respond.

And if that wasn't transparent enough, I'll add that my h is painfully unhelpful. He leaves for work on Sunday, returns when he feels like it, usually Thurs or Fri. And then he leave the childcare for me on the weekend. He sists around reading his bokks, magazines, websites, whatever he feels like doing. I work full time (leave the house around 7:30, return by 7:00. And when do I get a weekend? Sadly, I will have a weekend when either the kids are grown, or I walk out the door to start a new life...

Oh, I said way more than I should have. But, I just wanted you to know that you should feel guilty about a sulk. You have probably heped more than those of us who have made ourselves known by posting.

Uwila · 12/11/2004 13:25

Bloody typos. That was meant to say you SHOULDN'T feel guily about a sulk...

ScummyMummy · 12/11/2004 19:38

Oh sweetie. How crap. I wish I could suggest something and wave magic wands cos you always sound so great. Lots of hugs. Your dh doesn't realise how fab the person he is pissing off is, clearly. Hugs to you. xxxxxxxxxx

posyhairdresser · 12/11/2004 19:46

What does your dp do for a living, fio2?

If he is in a high powered, big earning job then this probably goes with the territory?

tortoiseshell · 12/11/2004 23:00

Neither. He goes out before kids get up, and usually comes home when they're in bed, or about to go to bed. It's hard work!

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