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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Social media!

30 replies

random68 · 19/10/2021 15:30

Hi, I'm not actually a teenager although this thread will sound ridiculous!! DP complained that I never put any photos of him on Facebook/ Instagram and that he feels like a secret although my family and friends all definitely know about him and see him regularly!! There are photos on my social media of him but I don't put loads of photos as I can't bear that sort of thing! I use it to communicate with family and friends I don't see often or who live abroad. I don't know why I had to justify this to him but pointed out that he never puts any photos on of me! I really don't care but the whole conversation was ridiculous. He said he never posts anything but as I do post, the proportion of photos of him is not many. I realise this sounds utterly ridiculous but is he nuts, controlling?!!!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/10/2021 15:32

What do you post? I mean generally.

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 15:35

Pictures of my children or random places!!! Nothing exciting.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/10/2021 15:40

I think posting DH pictures in SM is a bit like a wedding ring. Men like women to wear them to advertise their 'takenness' but are frequently unwilling to wear them themselves. Is he insecure or jealous?

Also, IME the people with all the #blessed #myhusband posts are in really unhappy marriages. I love DH but almost never have pictures on SM.

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 15:40

I tried not to put too many photos of him as his daughter said she felt upset seeing him with my children! But he does feature.

OP posts:
Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 15:41

I just found the whole thing ridiculous!

OP posts:
Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 15:42

I think he's jealous although he has no reason to be and maybe insecure. I just don't like him having a go at me for something which is ridiculous.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/10/2021 15:47

@random68

I think he's jealous although he has no reason to be and maybe insecure. I just don't like him having a go at me for something which is ridiculous.
I don't necessarily think it's a red flag, but it's definitely a pink one.

See how he reacts when you tell him no, you aren't posting differently because you don't want to.

DuvetDayIsEveryDay · 19/10/2021 16:22

He is being a prat and needs to get over himself. I wouldn't say controlling.. more jealousy.

I do not feature on my DP's social media or him on mine at all. My choice because I don't use social media like that.

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 19:36

That's what I thought. He has nothing to be jealous of, it's his own insecurities and I don't see why I hv to continually justify myself when I haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:
DFOD · 19/10/2021 19:53

How long have you been together?

What’s his relationship history?

Do you share many SM friends? Just wondering who you think he needs to see his relationship status?

Pay attention to your irritation - it’s information. As PP has said - tell him definitively “No” and pay even closer attention to his response and behaviour.

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 20:07

About 5 years but we don't live together because we live about an hour from each other and have children. He met his first wife at 18 so was with her on and off for 18 or so years? Most of his friends on SM are my family or friends!

OP posts:
DFOD · 19/10/2021 20:18

V odd for a man in his 40’s in a long term relationship. Was it a one off conversation - or is it an ongoing issue?

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 20:28

I would say an ongoing thing otherwise it wouldn't bother me. He has no reason to be jealous, I basically go to work, look after my children, see him and see friends occasionally but it's pretty tame and he knows them! I told him the whole thing was absurd re the SM but he couldn't see my point of view.

OP posts:
DFOD · 19/10/2021 20:32

Are there any other precious / entitled behaviours that might indicate a sensitivity?

Anything in the 18 years “on and off” marriage and his DD not happy with photos? Wonder if he wants to show off to the xW?

Sakurami · 19/10/2021 20:50

Well aside from everything, he's not posting pictures of you is he??

Original poster
random68 · 19/10/2021 20:59

His ex wife doesn't have any social media. He does frequently say things that I feel really aren't true and make me question myself but then he has some sort of convincing argument. And no, he never posts pictures of me (and I don't ask him to because im not 12), his argument being he never posts anything. The whole thing is ridiculous.

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Original poster
random68 · 15/11/2021 20:26

Gave him the benefit of the doubt and one month on he's cross as I posted photos of myself with my elderly parents and my children at my sister's birthday. Took the photos before the party when setting up and before he arrived so he wasn't in them. There are precisely 5 photos. No photos taken during the party as we were enjoying ourselves. He was so cross when I posted them that he unfollowed me on social media. Again, it sounds like we're teenagers! He maintains that because he never takes any photos or posts them, he cannot upset me like I upset him apparently! Do I leave him?! This is not normal behaviour?

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 15/11/2021 21:04

Yes you are right to end it, his attitude and response is not ok.

category12 · 15/11/2021 21:13

He's behaving very oddly and frankly, if you posting pictures of him can upset his daughter, I'd expect him to be pleased you don't post lots of them and are respectful of her sensitivities.

Seems one for the dumperoo.

Original poster
random68 · 15/11/2021 21:43

That's what I said. I can't win either way and it's very odd behaviour and totally unfair.

OP posts:
bellissimiaow · 16/11/2021 07:15

Really weird behaviour. But now he's stopped following you presumably it won't matter as he can't see what you post any more Grin I'd block him so he can't re-follow you.

TeeTotaller1 · 16/11/2021 07:20

I'd be posting a meme saying something about being single from now on....

uqueen · 16/11/2021 21:26

Most of mine are of my dogs and kids, my partner doesn't care and I don't care if I'm not on his, my ex was like this and it's controlling

Original poster
random68 · 17/11/2021 16:19

Mine too. My kids and my parents. Lots of little things made me question whether he is controlling but thank you for answering and confirming.

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Cloudfrost · 17/11/2021 20:28

i am gonna disagree with previous posters, i post on social media, not loads but things i want to share with distant family and friends. i wouldnt be impressed if my partner didnt post pics of me and him together. the whole thing of ur sisters bday, could be interpreted by someone as u purposelly took pics before he arrived because u didnt want him to be in them. after 5 yrs my thought would be oh ok, i guess she doesnt see me as close enough or serious enough to be featured in family photos. however, its hypocritical of him to tell u to post more when he doesnt post at all, i wouldnt be happy with that at all.