ok need some sex advice from someone who is a bit kinky[fgrin]

[dressedupnowheretogotilxmas]

lol i hate the word kinky

but i'm quite a demanding person and i would like nothing more than my dh to take the lead i have tried quiet suggestion watching films that suggest this you know secertary etc

i think what i want is to be submissive and him being the dominating one for a change and i trust him implictitly so i know if i said stop he would

but how do i get him there we so desperatley need a change

couldnt be bothered to name change and ifanyone would prefer to cat me i dont mind

deffo agrree with rudeolph lol

lube and wine and fingers

i love it know cant imagine not doing it

will do rudolph

replied dressedup

woowoo, one word re your question RELAX lol, then you will be fine.

Rudolph i am , although im not sure i could carry it over into everyday life, im too scary assertive for that. But sometimes, i wish i could pass ALL the control over to DP, because lets face it, with control comes responsibility.

Can't believe this is being discussed on Mnet - i feel so naughty

one thing dressed up, my DP does indulge me from time to time, like a little treat (When i can get him into that mood its out of this world) but he isnt entirely comfortable with it so i am happy for the occasional sojourn into the world of D/s. To be honest, i prefer it that way, my fantasies are always far better than real life for that sort of thing anyway and sometimes it is best that most fantasies stay that way.

I find the whole fetish scene a bit cliche for my liking but whatever floats your boat is good.

May i suggest some reading material: Try the secret garden by Nancy Friday. A very intimate examination of female fantasy. Read some of it out loud to your DP, most of the time you will be in fits of giggles but there will be the odd entry that will spark off both of your imaginations. Its meant to be a feminist book (i think) but for me its like girl porn. I tried black lace - daft!

Oh it's only subtle little things, whispered comments etc, but it works...

I would also agree with the 'reading naughty literature' advice. A lot of the Black Lace stuff is a bit too fluffy and/or too full of impossibly gorgeous rich people which can be off putting. I'd sugest a book of short stories - Cleis Press put out lots of anthologies by various authors. And, actually, seeing as it's nearly Xmas, if you want to email me your address - to decadentz at gmail.com I will post you a nice little book in a plain brown envelope - it's an anthology I helped edit years ago and I have plenty of copies. it's a right mixture of stories but reading through them might give you some ideas - and give him some ideas.

wicked article i found my dh has said has helped

right me and my dh have sat and read this after we trawled millions of bondage site which scared us

any ideas where we'd find a dvd guide at all my dh says he will not go to any fetish clubs and im not allowed to go on my own either [he is becoming dominant all of a sudden]

i found article was very informative i dont know how you regular subs/ doms feel about it

me? a regular sub?? In my dreams But occasionally for real - hey hey

Madamez, what is it exactly that you do for a living, im intrigued .

I have to say, i am in total agreement with your DH re the fetish clubs, do NOT go alone. Not that ive ever been, but its not somewhere you want to be putting yourself i dont think. This must be a journey you make together, totally, as i think D/s is the most intimate form of sexuality there is, it really does transcend vanilla sex, on so many levels.

Most of my fantasy stays in my head, our sex life is vanilla. I prefer it that way. But tonight, well..........maybe tonight

Most men give their women a playful smack on the bottom at some point, don't they? Even quite hard?? Reassure your man by telling him you want that sort of intensity, without the playfulness Oh, and definately start of gentle, get the blood flowing, you would be surprise how much better it feels if you get the adrenalin pumping first.

read the article, men are so sweet aren't they - rotfl.

You should get the story of "o" out on DVD.

Try not talking about Dom/sub and BDSM. Why not try the phrase "Tie 'n' Tease". It's a bit more novice friendly.

Bondage tape is easy to use stuff for the beginner. Bit sexier than clingfilm.

WHile I appreciate the OP's DP's reason for not wanting her to go to a fetish club without him, they are not dangerous or scary places to go by yourself: at a big one you might be bored and have no one to talk to (just like goin ng to any big nightclub on your own) but at a smaller one there will be enough people around to notice that you are new and befriend you. Sorry that's just FIY for anyone who fancied going but was nervous

LEM: I do lots of things but one of them is writing for assorted top-shelf magazines and some years back I used to run the Guild of Erotic Writers: we put out an anthology of short stories.

well i got it woohoo

it was fab he loved it i loved it had the most most amazing sex and he initiated it too

i think i may have unleashed something he says he had a good time too

so glad i started this thread

can anyone recommend any videos????

all the ones online look a bit scary

madamez my email is jayneallportathotmaildotcodotuk

id love a copy

fantastic dressedup, so pleased for you

Oooh MADAMEZ can I be really cheeky and ask for a copy too? Happy to pay for the book and p+p

me too madamez mean t to put that b4 was all excited at my spanking

i love those stories

OK those of you who want a book just email me your postal address and I will shove a copy in the post at the weekend cheers

Madamez, what's your email address? Mine is further down thread if you don't want to give yours out, for some reason it will never allow me to pay for CAT

My email is decadentz (at) gmail.com for anyone else who wants it - I will do a big post office run either tomorrow or Monday

she's a lovely lady, that madamez

There is nothing more erotic than love. Where has your love gone? Try that first before some schoolgirl spanking fantasy.

refuse to engage in sex until he pretty much forces you to.

you will not only get to be submissive but he will be so eager with frustration it will be dirty as hell

Hi just read this thread I live in the west midlands. So not a million miles away. My span of experience for the past eight years is one of discovering new and interesting pursuits and people lol. An excellent way to add to scenes/play is photos I have many!! and dresing up and themes is very good. I would recommend you to read some S&M books and watch films like Story of O,which is lighthearted. If you want any advice i`d be happy to give you my email. Or go somewhere like the BBB with you in birmingham. Which is a toy/clothes fair and good introduction to things that might interest you.