Friends discussing my housing / financial situation: odd ?

[52andblue]

Old School Friend got back in touch via SM (we are mid 50's now).
We dated briefly in 6th form so when we've met (x2 for lunch, in 2+ yr) I made sure it was with his wife & teens in tow & my teens in tow too
( I am separating & negotiating a Divorce so I wanted to be clear to ALL concerned that I am OSF 'material' only!)

Both Lunches were a bit awkward - she didn't seem to like me much, perhaps due to ancient history, perhaps there is stuff in their marriage I know not of or perhaps she just didn't take to me much (which is fine, and her prerogative of course). During Lunch she made a number of comments about money / housing etc (they're quite well off, the money was from her side I gather & they have a few rental properties). In contrast, I am on the bones of my arse & fighting exH to stay in my house. I had told OSF about that but not discussed with her as I don't know her so well. It's not a 'secret' as such but it is fairly private info.
Anyway, I paid for my /kids share of lunch & ignored the (seemingly fairly pointed?) comments as maybe I was being over sensitive?

OSF has just contacted me & suggested 'Lunch before Xmas'.
We live a long distance apart so some travel costs are involved for me so I said I'd have a think about it but immediately he then sent a text saying he 'has asked his wife if he could go' (odd phrasing / just him?) He said 'he had then got the Spanish Inquisition about how could you afford it when you are on benefits or had you not got a council house & endless free help by now. Sorry I realise that might be annoying. I try to keep you apart as much as I can as you will never see eye to eye'.

I was taken aback / annoyed, so replied: 'sorry, why are you discussing my finances / housing situation with anyone else - you don't know all my circumstances & those comments are factually incorrect anyway'.

So he replied: 'I'm not, but what do I say?'

Me: 'well, you clearly have previously?. And you could 'say' it is my business, not anyone elses - which it is'

Him: 'And I haven't discussed it with S. But she knows you are separating from your husband & don't have a job & have 2 kids. It doesn't' take a brain surgeon to figure it out, & I cant stop her thinking'.

I regret replying so quickly & did so because I was annoyed.
Should I be though?
I am at a difficult juncture but I've behaved well & I don't have anything to be ashamed of re my personal circs. so I guess they are not some big secret or anything - there is no reason for her not to know the basic facts. I just feel there is something a bit off about him reporting back her (less than kindly meant?) comments to me like this ?

He was behaving more like an ex BF from school, than an OSF. I think if you're honest, that's what he is. He probably got in touch with you when his marriage got a bit rocky. This has caused more tension for his wife, understandable really. The level of contacting you during your day out was OTT for a casual friend and intrusive.
Glad you've blocked him now, best way. Be glad you're not married to him either, he's already shown that his style is to belittle women to make him 'the big man'. That comment about you being prone to 'minor crises' was out of order and designed to put anyone in their place. You are well rid.

In my experience, male OSFs don't contact you out of the blue just to arrange a nice civilized lunch for the festive season. My guess is that there is some discomfort in his marriage and he is using you to pamper his ego, remind his wife that he might have other options, perhaps make her feel insecure... He is reporting her alleged comments with the aim of getting you on his side and making you dislike her.

I agree with this - an old BF contacted me in a similar way a couple of years ago and was overly chummy for someone who'd binned me quite awfully after he'd two timed me for a while. He made what I'd call an intro comment - just asking if I go to [hometown] often and jaded and cynical old boot I now am, just read it and thought 'next this fucker will suggest meeting for coffee, which will somehow turn into some sort of an unwitting date and he'll make a move on me. I've been there too many times to count to be honest. I have yet to meet a man from my past who looks me up out of the blue after years, gets into involved chatting as friends where that's literally all they want. Not saying they aren't out there but I've not met one. Even the nice guys and always married or separated or 'separated'.

Like you OP, I was conditioned to be nice and many men hone in on that. I'm not nice any more and it's fucking brilliantly liberating. Men aren't falling over themselves to be nice to us when there's no potential for shags in it for them so why should we?

Just block him and don't feel a single bit guilty about doing it. He's a snob and a wanker and you can pick better friends than this.

He's not available and far worse, he's rude and insensitive to both you and his wife. No wonder she's got a bee in her bonnet .

Keep him away from yours.

Oh, well aware hes not 'available' and if he were I'd not be interested.
But they are not 'friends' either I think?

My boundaries were a bit 'down' as I'd known him so well a long time ago and imo there is no reason why a person can't be )lunch once a year at most) friends with a couple but lesson learned.

Honestly she sounds like a complete snob and he sounds like a complete knob.

I think in the background he likes the fact being in contact with you winds his wife up.

Step away, you don’t need this and get nothing from it.

I don't judge people on their circumstances but whether they are kind

Get judging then, these people are not kind. I’m glad you blocked him.