Are all two year olds like this?

[bloodytwirlywoos]

I feel completely burnt out and at the end of my tether. My ds is almost two. He tantrums non stop over everything. If he doesn't want to do something or I try to stop him doing something he loses it.

Nothing is simple and by the end of the day I want to cry, every day. I feel like I'm just trying to navigate his tantrums all day.

Tried to go to playgroup and he wanted a little bike to ride. Didn't want to give anyone else a turn, I understand that, he doesn't get sharing yet. But the meltdown was so bad that I couldn't calm him and all he would do is throw himself around and hit out at me.

Go to the shops and he screams if I try and put him in a trolley.

Decide to go for a little walk down our street to stretch our legs. Keep repeating that we need to hold hands. He refuses and keeps trying to run off. When I won't let him he just lets his legs go loose and falls to the floor.
If I pick him up he will thrash around and hit me.

At home he wants my attention all the time. I play with him a lot but I can't play 10 hours a day. He will follow me around crying and holding onto my legs.

Please help

My DD is 28mo and I'm seeing glimpses of her not doing this anymore.
Today was a good day for walking.

Every other day before today hasn't been. Doesn't hold hands (if she does, will slip easily and sprint, and/or goes floppy). Goes floppy on reins/backpack with lead, hates any form of wheeled transport for her.

She will just sit. Do you want to walk? No! Do you want me to carry you? No! Impasse. Makes me just want to sit at home and watch frozen on repeat with endless coffee until I die.

I have one DS who had one proper meltdown tantrum. I now have DD, she is also nearly 2. She throws herself on her front the ground and kicks her legs and whines multiple times a day. She screams and refuses to do things. She is not chilled, she is exhausting, but I have time restrictions such as the school run for DS, so her life is different. I try to let her have some autonomy. She insisted on walking home from a class today, it's painful but I let her.

Oh and she's extremely verbal. Talks brilliantly. Thought I'd skipped terrible 2's with her elder sister as she was so different, yet spoke well but just personality I guess.

Have you got reins to walk him on? That way he feels like he’s walking independently 😎 but you can keep control.

Also how do you respond to his moaning? (Be honest, no judgement here!)

Also we have backpack reins, but getting them on her leads to a battle and then she pulls the handle away from me constantly and shouts NOOOOOO. So that is going well. I do remember DS being about 20 months when he started to refuse reins too, but friends had ones that would wear them at 3. My Ds didn't shout but would too pull them off me or just try to dangle, so I've done quite well with DD 😬 Honestly OP kids vary so much.

I have 2 year old twins and have daily battles/meltdowns/tantrums over sharing toys, even when they have one each.

It's utterly exhausting, but I do find that being outside in the wide open really helps. If I spend too much time in the house the fights/squabbles start and I find my voice getting louder & louder with each altercation.

Also, if you want to go for a walk, put him in a pram, if he cries zone it out, he can't hurt himself and you get fresh air

One of mine was like this (I have four). I wore him on my back in a Tula toddler carrier A LOT as he was happy there and it cut out a lot of tantrums. He felt he had me/my attention without my really needing to interact with him a whole lot.

Try ignoring the bad behaviour and try and be more confident when you deal with hiM. If he doesn't want to go in the trolley and you want him to then put him in there. If he screams at toddler group and hits you then give one warning that if he doesn't stop he is going hoMe and mean it. He need to know you are in charge not him. If there are no sen then you need to nip this In the bud now by being more firm with him or he will get worse as he gets older. Toddlers aren't supposed to make your life miserable. Yes they all play up at times but if it's all day then you must change your approach. Being confident and firm goes a long way. Do not give in to tantrums. Walk out of the room and busy yourself take no notice. And when he is being good go over the top on praise None of mine ever tried to hit me. The fact he thinks this is ok tells me you are being a pushover

Have you got a good routine so he knows whats happening, and do you give him a warning before a change - like in 5 mins, in 3 mins we are going out etc, thats a game changer.
You can get fab little little life backpacks with one rein lead on them to keep him safe, but for me holding hands by the road was an absolute non negotiable due to safety, and then its defo pick your battles - for us its safety rules are the non negotiables. if hes struggling to walk far take rest breaks, its slow going, and you can wait until hes ready to hold your hand etc when fed and enjoying a snack its a different dynamic. Parent with playfulness as much as you can.
And defo cut out taking him to the shops completely, shopping with kids is no fun and will be detrimental - can you just get it delivered for £1 from sainsburys it is so so worth it if you can. I long gave up taking kids to the shops its not worth it, although they are still completely able to go to shops when we do so hasnt done them any harm by avoiding shopping.

My first could be like this and agree with everything @BertieBotts said it their post, really good advice there.

No mine was pretty chilled. He had funny twos tantrums now and again but not mega meltdowns.

Yes. My 18 month old is so bad at screaming, moany, refusing, climbing, and generally making my life miserable that I actual consider just leaving him with Dh some days and moving out myself so I can have 2 minutes myself to breathe.

Today he’s been awful so far. Woke early as usual. Tantrums and climbing out things all morning whilst I tried to take him outside to walk, park and supermarket. He was so terrible in supermarket he threw stuff out trolley ( damaging fruit and eggs), and climbed repeatedly out of seat. I was this close to leaving both him and trolley in supermarket.

I think i was quite lucky with my two year old son,, many years ago though) he never had the so called terrible two's tantrums, and no tantrums at all that I can remember. But my then two year old daughter did later..

Many many years ago, I was in a Boots chemist somewhere,with my son, who was wearing reins, and we came across a woman and her little son, maybe two years old, The little son was having an awful tantrum in the aisles,he was screaming and lying on the floor,kicking his legs all over the place and writhing about. It was so funny, as the Mum then got down on the floor, and aped all the actions of her son, as in , pretending to cry, and lying down, and kicking her legs about.

The two year old,immediately got up, stopped his tantrum, flung his little arms out to his Mum, and told her to stop crying, and tried to pull his Mum up off the floor. One or two other customers witnessed this, and my own son said, Mummy,look at that lady on the floor, !!

That isn't normal all day, no.
I have 3 children, all good communication skills so nothing to do with that, 2 were relatively well behaved, the third is 2 now and she has thrown herself onto the floor in the supermarket refusing to walk and screaming for pringles because she wants pringles and wants them now. Can be quite determined to run into the road. Amoung many other tantrums of a similarnature, I havebknowm many families with small children and my youngest is naturally inclined at the extreme end of normal. Toddlers do have tantrums, some more than others, but I would find spending all day trying to navigate his tantrums concerning. I would talk to HV, it sounds like there's something else going on.

RE taking turns, have you got any board games? My 2 year olds favourite is tumbling monkeys (knock off kerplunk) and is getting quite good at taking turns. It sounds like he is your first, does he have any cousins he can visit more frequently to get used to being around others/ turn taking?

Is he potty trained? If not, could he be frustrated by being in a dirty nappy causing him to be grumpy? Any suspicion of allergies?

Make sure you don't give into whoever it is he wants, or he is learning that is how he gets what he wants. I would talk to HV about any possible referrals. Toddlers can be very demanding, hard work but literally navigating tantrums all day is not normal.

I also echo people asking about your daily routine. What's it like? Does he know what to expect?

We have a really solid routine down to the minute (with spaces for 'free play' or doing something nice or whatever, but wakeup, nap time, meal times and bath time and bedtime are all set in stone) and I think it really helps as his day is predictable, he knows what to expect. We've had it for so long if on the very rare occasion I'm five minutes late taking him for his nap he'll take me by the hand and start pulling me towards the stairs to go up and get his sleeping bag. You don't have to be as rigid as us but toddlers thrive on routine, it helps them to feel secure.

So much of being a toddler is life outside of their control, we always tell him where we are going when we set off somewhere or if we have plans later that day so he knows what to expect. Imagine getting in the car and someone driving you off and you have no idea whether to expect to arrive at the supermarket, a friend's house, work, a swimming pool, a medical appointment etc. It would be incredibly disorientating.

Tantrums are completely normal, but it’s unusual for it to be all day every day.
I would say that as a parent of a child with ASD there is a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. Tantrums and meltdowns are handled completely differently. Tantrums can be more to get their own way or to communicate their displeasure over something, whereas meltdowns are a complete loss of control usually due to the child being overwhelmed, sensory overload etc.
A few posters have mentioned routine and it can be a lifesaver for managing a child of that age. It doesn’t have to be an exact set routine but sometimes it can help them when they know what to expect.
My DS wouldn’t get into his buggy at that age to leave the house unless I told him where we were going. He couldn’t talk at that age but was able to understand me. Once he knew where we were going he would usually cooperate.
Best advice I ever got for managing ‘bad’ behaviour was that you need to look past the behaviour and find the trigger/cause. You then address the trigger/cause. Also it’s important that you never label the child as bad but you talk about the behaviour itself.