Going Teetotal Today

[Makemineaprosecco]

So it’s midnight which is pretty appropriate actually as it’s the start of a new day and I’ve been lying in bed trying to sleep, let’s just say I’ve had a tough time recently my relationship was in a really bad place, I lost my youngest cousin to alcoholism ( she was 38 when she died alone in her flat ) I have finally reached the point in my life where I recognise that despite not being what anyone would describe as an ‘alcoholic’ I am/ was a problematic drinker a person whose parents and relatives regularly used alcohol to solve problems I suppose it’s not entirely surprising that I grew up and at some level thought this was just what people did if life was hard. I’m married to a wonderful man have two insanely beautiful clever and funny children and I’ve reached the point where I actually don’t think I can be a good mum if I’m drinking every night.
It amuses me in a wry way the lies we tell ourselves about alcohol I know I have done it especially this last year, ‘ I’ll only have 2 glasses when you know you’ll finish the bottle so many mini deceits to kid myself that it doesn’t matter when it does. I have a significant mental health history due to trauma and I’ve been self medicating for years with bloody prosecco of all things it has to stop now
I have too much to lose so dear mumsnetters reach out if you can as I’m alone just now and offer me some words of encouragement as I’m sure it’s not going to be easy but I’m damned if I’m going to let addiction define me, it’s time.
(By the way if anyone can tell me how to change my user name I’d be grateful as for obvious reasons it’s now inappropriate!) maybe it should now read make mine a bitter lemon as that’s going to be my drink of choice from now on.

I quit about 6 months ago. I cant say Im tea total as I do enjoy a random gin every now and again.
I was drinking 1/2 bottle bourbon a night, every night for years. I held down a good job and have 4 kids, didnt realise how unmotivated/tired I was till I stopped.
I LOVE this, I can actually sleep at night and get things done during the days. Weekends are not spent on the couch. I feel fresher if that makes sense. I have not dropped any of the weight I hear you drop when you quit drinking but I do look better, clearer skin and eyes, different shape not so bloated round the middle.
I didnt have any issues stopping once I decided that I was going to and after a week when I started noticing I felt better that was the motivation to continue.
Good for you making that decision, you will manage this fine and in a few days you will feel so much better and not want to drink any more. I took to drinking fever tree tonic over ice of an evening to start with. Dont do that any more, just tea or water.

Assuming you’re ‘just’ a heavy drinker and not dependant physically on alcohol, then from my own experience I hope the following helps you.

Firstly, it’s great that you’ve recognised you have a problem with alcohol. Well done. That’s half the battle.

Secondly, buckle up for a bit of a bumpy ride as your brain and body adjusts to no booze for the first few weeks.

Next, don’t think you can have just a few glasses in say, a month, to celebrate your abstinence. It’ll lead to more.

Embrace the imminent health benefits from being without the booze. They show to you first, and others soon after, that you’re better off it. For good.

Make sure you’re completely honest with yourself about your abuse of the bottle and the lies you’ve told yourself and others about your consumption. Know that if you do reach for the wine again that it is highly likely to lead to problem drinking and you’ll be back to square one.

Once you’ve proved to yourself that you can live happily without it and that you were actually in some ways dependant on a liquid drug for years (like I was, and many reading this still are) decide whether you want to abstain fully, or whether you wish to drink a minimal amount perhaps socially, infrequently. You’ll know, if you’re honest with yourself if you can do that.

Have a look at Scott Freda on TikTok and understand his story. Booze ruined his life by taking his wife’s life and very nearly his own - in their forties. They were hugely successful people who got one thing majorly wrong in life - booze.

I’d also suggest understanding the story of how AA came to be. Maybe buy the Red Book on kindle.

Good luck. I reckon you’ll smash this.

@theoldtrout01876

I quit about 6 months ago. I cant say Im tea total as I do enjoy a random gin every now and again. I was drinking 1/2 bottle bourbon a night, every night for years. I held down a good job and have 4 kids, didnt realise how unmotivated/tired I was till I stopped. I LOVE this, I can actually sleep at night and get things done during the days. Weekends are not spent on the couch. I feel fresher if that makes sense. I have not dropped any of the weight I hear you drop when you quit drinking but I do look better, clearer skin and eyes, different shape not so bloated round the middle. I didnt have any issues stopping once I decided that I was going to and after a week when I started noticing I felt better that was the motivation to continue. Good for you making that decision, you will manage this fine and in a few days you will feel so much better and not want to drink any more. I took to drinking fever tree tonic over ice of an evening to start with. Dont do that any more, just tea or water.

Well done to you too! It makes such a difference doesn’t it - being without. Have you found that your relationship with your children is better because you’re not parenting through the usual hangover that became almost normal?

Booze is a very funny substance. Very engrained in society as acceptable and from a young age.

What chance do some people stand when it’s everywhere.

Wow congratulations- you can do it

Thanks for the support folks, you know I really believe that I won’t drink again as the actual thought of it really frightens me, I’m already trying to mentally prepare myself as I know at times it will be very hard as I would say that this country in particular has a very weird relationship with alcohol. I’m hugely motivated at the moment I just pray that I can maintain it

I'm with you, this is my day 1.

End of a terrible relationship where I was escaping into the bottle every night.

This is actually my second go, I managed a couple of good weeks not drinking before things came to a head with my ex and fell of the wagon.

I've read a few books which have helped motivate me:

The unexpected joy of being sober
The sober diaries
The sober revolution

I've started going for a walk in the early evening instead of pouring a drink, the change of routine has helped a lot, I'd usually start drinking around 6 while cooking dinner.

I also started a quick 20/30 minute walk or run in the mornings, it was a motivator as I was waking feeling refreshed rather than a bit tired and crap.

Good luck, we know this is going to improve our lives and relationships

Hey well done. I'm doing this and it is amazing. Gone from drinking every night to not thinking about it or wanting it. Still only a few weeks in but I highly recommend it. It's free.
learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration

I stopped drinking Alcohol in May 2003,not a drop since.

Just do one day at a time,or one evening at a time if that is when you drink.

Find something to do that keeps your mind busy.

The book “Living Sober” is the one I used in early sobriety,£3 from the AA website.Really is full of good information for those early days.

Wishing you well.

So I guess I’m not the only one struggling to sleep !! Thanks so much for the support I really appreciate all the suggestions, I think replacing alcohol with exercise is a really good idea I would ideally like to lose 4 stone so hopefully going sober will really help

I stopped drinking in July 2016 and haven't had any since. Im 41 now. I didn't plan to stop forever though but said to myself I'll drink again when I feel I no longer need it to help me with XYZ (lots of different things depending on emotional state). That day hasn't come yet!

I had a 'final' drink at 1am and took a picture of it!

My advice would be

If it's helping you cope with trauma then you will need something else to help you cope with trauma. Therapy/a supportive community/etc. Think how you're going to approach this and put something in place.

Be prepared that it might affect your social life and it can take time to find alternatives you genuinely enjoy.

Same with relationships. You may find you don't enjoy the company of some people as much and it can be hard if it's a family member or close friend.

Be honest with yourself when you really would like a drink and make a mental note of what triggers it. Be prepared for it to take you by surprise. For example I generally don't miss it much at all these days or even think about having a drink - but occasionally when I'm on holiday in a warm country I have found myself longing for a drink while watching the sun go down. The feeling always takes me by surprise and I've found myself thinking for a moment that I could have just one small glass.........

I hope it goes well for you

@Makemineaprosecco

Thanks for the support folks, you know I really believe that I won’t drink again as the actual thought of it really frightens me, I’m already trying to mentally prepare myself as I know at times it will be very hard as I would say that this country in particular has a very weird relationship with alcohol. I’m hugely motivated at the moment I just pray that I can maintain it

People will react in all ways. The less of a deal you make of it the easier your ride will be. Have a low calorie zero alcohol spritzer in a wine / gin glass when you’re out. Don’t let others ignore your efforts and ruin them by bringing you a Prosecco with a grin on their face, driven by lack of understanding for your journey.

Don’t make it the topic of conversation with those who won’t understand or for those who booze clearly isn’t an issue. Don’t be one of those new tee-totalers who make it the topic of conversation on a night out with drinkers.

Enjoy keeping some of your success a secret and watch from the sidelines as people cut their own path with their own take on what booze is.

My father, an habitual daily drinker for 50 years who is now tee-total after a major health scare relating to his habit, is proof that it does damage your health long term. That said, even with the scare he’s still far easier to be around now he’s clear of the booze fog that we as a family in part obliviously suffered from on a daily basis.

Even after that I got sucked in to the booze vacuum myself and used it to self medicate through various ups and downs which really I just needed to face sober. Sadly I did a good enough job of masking my habits and my close family were oblivious as to my booze risk profile.

My decision to quit came from educating myself about the damage persistent intake in fairly high doses can have, plus some weight gain which was only going to get worse if I carried on.

That was three months ago. Here I am 20 pounds lighter, emotionally far happier, nicer to be around, sex life improved, lower cholesterol, lower liver fat content, financially better off - the list goes on.

You knew it was time and you were right. So did I and in a short time you’ll be where
I’ve just got to.

Wishing you luck.

Can I join you, midnight tonight x

OP I've got a few social occasions coming up. I'm just going to say that I'm on antibiotics. I have never hidden when I've done dry months before but this time I don't want to tell people. What I consumed or not is noones business.

Well done for taking some action. You'll feel better for it!

How are you doing op?

Gave up totally just over three years ago. I reached a point about a year ago where I see it as normal behaviour when I'm out and others just accept it.

I need to do the same. Day 1 (again) will think of 1 day/night at a time.

I cut down a lot about 20 years ago when someone I knew died of breast cancer in her 50s (alcohol drinking increases the risk) and also don't drink much because I'm trying to keep my weight controlled.

I'm luckier than some as it wasn't a case that I couldn't have just one. But most of the time I'm just not drinking tonight (agree with PPs, by the way, "not today I'm driving / on meds" is a good low profile way to go that doesn't ruffle feathers).

If you're used to "something nice" have a hot chocolate or fruit tea or something, or some grapes or berries (healthy sugar hit). Given a bottle of wine is £6+ there's room in the budget.

Well done, @Makemineaprosecco. Join us over on the ongoing sober thread if you fancy: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4364798-The-Freedom-Thread-Enjoying-the-positives-of-an-alcohol-free-life

To change user name: click on little person icon (top right on my phone), click on Settings, your username is there and you can click in and change it, then save.

Hi everyone well it’s the end of day 2 and I’m feeling pretty good I’m amazed that I don’t actually miss it I’m also pleased that I have more energy and it felt good tonight not to rush through things as I did previously to get to that first glass I’ve got to keep going as an feeling healthier already thanks for all your lovely messages with great tips and support too it’s great to know I have company !

End of day 3 for me. I have quit before and done a few months and for me, it is very rough before it gets better. I have not slept a wink since Sunday, stomach ache/constipation, headache, ravenous for sugar, generally very sad mood. I've not spoke a word in work, I have told them I have got a sore throat.

From previous attempts, its about a week before I can sleep better, then I sleep 12 hours a night for a few weeks before the energy picks up around 3 weeks in. Bring it on, this is vile, the temptation of a night cap to knock me out is awful.
Hope it's not as rough for everybody else!

@Halloaten the alcohol experiment talks about that. Something to do with your body trying to keep you stable with it's own natural drugs and hormones. So because after a while alcohol is a powerful depressant (which is when you start sleeping) the body releases stimulants to balance it out. But after about 5 hours the alcohol is processed so you're suddenly stimulated which is why we wake up and struggle getting back to sleep. The problem is that even those initial hours you're not getting proper REM sleep so you're not resting and regenerating properly.

And the reason it takes regular drinkers once they stop drinking some time to start sleeping properly is because the body has become used to us using alcohol to wind itself down and it takes between 2 and 5 nights for the body to get used to doing it again.

The alcohol experiment is incredible. Once you understand the science and biology behind it all it empowers you in a way that nothing ever has before. Highly recommend it.

I’ve pretty much given up. I’m going to a party this weekend and I’ll drive to make sure I don’t drink. I’ll drink Coke Zero. I also will order tea in a restaurant/bar. Don’t care. Actually don’t like the taste of wine anymore. I sometimes have a gin and it’s alright but there’s nothing about it that I enjoy now.

Good luck op. I went sober for about 3 months at the start of the year. I was drinking too much and out of habit and wanted to break it. I didn't lose weight unfortunately and I run anyway but it did re-set my relationship with booze a bit.

I do sometimes feel myself getting back into bad habits but think I am better at recognising it now and have a break and a re-set (currently haven't had booze since saturday as was having glass or two most evenings recently).

I have thought about giving up entirely but in all honesty, I enjoy a glass of wine and the social aspect that comes with having a drink so I am just being more mindful about when and how much I drink and if I feel I am using it as a coping mechanism I will have a word with myself. When/if I can no longer do this, that will be the time to quit!