please look up the youtube channel of Doctor Ramani. She is an incredible professional psychologist who specialises in this type of abusive partner - him not you - (Narcissistic Personality Disorder mostly fits this pattern of abuser and their tactics) She gives amazingly clear and insightful explanations as to why they behave that way. The do’s and don’ts of interacting with them. How to best separate from them and keep it that way. How to protect yourself, What not to fall for, How best to go about co parenting, what bad things to expect from them. She gives you so much warm and sensitive advice, and equips you with many tools to get yourself out of the thick of the initial (FOG) and how to come to terms with what you have been put through, and to gets you to see the REAL reality of the situation and who is actually to blame, how best to move forward. How to heal.
She does fairly short daily videos and it is like actually seeing an expert therapist that you wouldn’t have otherwise found with her skill set, nor afford her. I cannot recommend her videos enough. look up any buzz words you don’t understand like grey rock etc. She covers them all but you may be drawn to certain headlines/titles that resonate with you when you see the video list. There is a lot you can start with if you scroll back to her older posts that explains the terminologies and these personality types.
You will hear from her, and see the many many comments under her videos of others like you going through the same things, you will 100% relate, and come to see these manipulative pathetic creatures for what they really are, and that they are actually predictable all using the same tactics, and by reading other people’s stories and experiences are like reading your own life story you feel less alone, more understood, finally validated. Slowly but surely the penny finally drops, the crazy confusion and self blame clouds will part, and you will see and know for a fact it has all been him, and there is NOTHING that will change him for the better, nothing you could have said or done differently, because all along you were not with someone who has healthy emotions and behaviours.
I hope you read up and research as much as possible, knowledge is definitely power. It would be good to take a diary or notebook and write down all that resonates with you, and the most important and urgently needed tactics and advice for your exact situation where you are, and again for the immediate future in communication with them purely to co parent.
I hope this helps, and that you find ways to heal and cope from the trauma he has and will continue to try and put you through if you let him in even a little. Look out for particularly Hoovering, Grey Rock.
I truly wish you all the best and strength going forward. Listen to your gut instinct, it has served you well enough to protect yourself enough to leave. That is incredible and brave. Stay strong and do not let him suck you back in. 