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Original poster

Advice on relationship with partner

32 replies

Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 07:18

I need some advice but background information is needed. Around the start of lockdown my partner got full custody of her daughter so she went from living with us 3/4 days a week to 7. On top of this i ended up being quite ill and after blood tests I was b12 deficient, but extremely low. My levels were way below what the doctors considered low and even though I had the course and am on them monthly I still have the symptoms of the deficiency. Along with dealing with these I work two jobs, on in the day 5 days a week so I am around for DSD finishing school and then I work two nights til 12am.

The issue is my partner and I have only been having sex on a weekend and he finds this an issue and it is causing major strain on our relationship. I am absolutely exhausted during the week with work, school runs, homework, the daily chores in the house and picking my partner up from work which is about a 45 minute round trip. DSD is also in high school now so has a later bed time. I'm not sure how to work this issue out, ans it just causes arguments to talk about it. Does anyone have any advice or any experience of the b12 deficiency so I can relay these to him.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
category12 · 18/10/2021 07:47

What is he doing in all this?

Maybe you're exhausted not just because of a deficiency, but because your workload is excessive and he's not doing his part?

Is he working two jobs and doing housework and childcare?

Quartz2208 · 18/10/2021 07:52

Ok why on earth are you doing ALL of that you have 2 jobs, around for your DSD, pick him up (WHY!) and do all of the chores and he still expects you to be up for sex

You are going to burn out and this relationship isnt a healthy balanced one. I would see if you can change the balance and get him to step up or you need to prioritise you and rest and get yourself better

ALso high school why the need for school runs and being there for her - and why you. He has full custody he needs to step up.

He may have one issue - you dont you have a number all relating to him not doing what he needs to do. First off he can get his own way home and do chores and look after his own daughter

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 07:54

@category12

What is he doing in all this?

Maybe you're exhausted not just because of a deficiency, but because your workload is excessive and he's not doing his part?

Is he working two jobs and doing housework and childcare?

He works 10 hours in a demanding job which I greatly appreciate but because of this he can not understand why I am so tired
OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 07:56

He needs to be doing half the housework/cooking and all the running around for his DD.
I’m scared to ask what you and he are paying towards bills/ food etc ?

category12 · 18/10/2021 07:56

If your dsd is in secondary, can't she make her own way to and from school?

With the amount you're doing, he's getting a lot of sex.

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 07:57

@Quartz2208

Ok why on earth are you doing ALL of that you have 2 jobs, around for your DSD, pick him up (WHY!) and do all of the chores and he still expects you to be up for sex

You are going to burn out and this relationship isnt a healthy balanced one. I would see if you can change the balance and get him to step up or you need to prioritise you and rest and get yourself better

ALso high school why the need for school runs and being there for her - and why you. He has full custody he needs to step up.

He may have one issue - you dont you have a number all relating to him not doing what he needs to do. First off he can get his own way home and do chores and look after his own daughter

He sets off for work at 6am and I would have to set off at half past 7, and due to the distance from her school I have to drop her and pick her up from a friends house. I don't mind doing the stuff I have to do because I chose to take her on as my own. I just don't know how to make him understand and see how tired I actually am.
OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 18/10/2021 07:57

Other than working 10 hours in a demanding job what does he do. Because if he isnt tired and you are because you are doing everything else.

He has custody of his daughter, an ill partner, a house to run a demanding job isnt a get out of doing anything else when you have those types of things.

And why are you collecting him.

The fact is sex aside you are doing too much. Keep on at that and your health is going to suffer.

GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 07:57

Why can’t he get himself to and from work ?

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 07:59

@GoodnightGrandma

He needs to be doing half the housework/cooking and all the running around for his DD. I’m scared to ask what you and he are paying towards bills/ food etc ?
We split the bills evenly between us. I work two jobs as my first doesn't pay a lot and I like to have my own money without having to ask.
OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 08:03

Does he get maintenance for his daughter ?

Quartz2208 · 18/10/2021 08:03

So if money is split 50/50 shouldnt everything else be

Wake up OP, he pays 50% of the bills and has a demanding 10 hour job and that is it.

He then complains that his girlfriend who works two jobs, collects him from work, looks after his DD, does all the housework and is ill is too tired for sex. Something which he doesnt understand.

OP you need to realise this is ruining your health - you have to have it stop. He needs to either do 50/50 or you have to walk away. He is totally taking advantage of you

kikipie · 18/10/2021 08:04

Why do you need other peoples B12 deficiency experiences to tell him? Does he not believe you, or can he not read up on it himself?

Niater · 18/10/2021 08:04

I am B12 deficient and manage it very well now with sublingual sprays, supplements and diet. My doctor keeps a blood diary for me and I have regular blood tests to keep on top of my levels, when they drop very low I will have a course of injections from my doctor every day for a week (they are quite painful so I’m very strict with my diet to reduce the amount of these). I would suggest he look at his lifestyle entirely and ensure he is getting enough water and good sleep. There will be times when his levels are low that he will struggle to do anything which can lead to frustration/depression etc.

It’s an annoying condition but one that can be managed and once you’re on top of it play no effect in every day life.

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 08:07

@Niater

I am B12 deficient and manage it very well now with sublingual sprays, supplements and diet. My doctor keeps a blood diary for me and I have regular blood tests to keep on top of my levels, when they drop very low I will have a course of injections from my doctor every day for a week (they are quite painful so I’m very strict with my diet to reduce the amount of these). I would suggest he look at his lifestyle entirely and ensure he is getting enough water and good sleep. There will be times when his levels are low that he will struggle to do anything which can lead to frustration/depression etc.

It’s an annoying condition but one that can be managed and once you’re on top of it play no effect in every day life.

It is me that is deficient and at the minute I am struggling with it. He does not seem to understand how tired I am with it
OP posts:
Niater · 18/10/2021 08:07

Apologies just read that it is you with the deficiency, you will need to keep on top of it not him.

litterbird · 18/10/2021 08:08

It sounds like he got lucky with you. You do everything and pick him up from work. Trouble is his scivvy, housekeeper and nanny is too tired to have sex during the week and only at weekends. He must be devastated that his plan for a slave woman in the house is not working for his sexual convenience. Wake up OP you are being taken for a huge ride here. You need to seriously reconsider why you are doing all this and what you are getting out of it. Your partner won’t change, the pressure he will put on you will get worse. You are only useful to him if you comply to his demands. Think OP, think….step back and re read your post.

WeAreTheHeroes · 18/10/2021 08:09

If you earn less than him why are you paying half the costs of living together? It should be split proportionate to your respective incomes.

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 08:09

@GoodnightGrandma

Does he get maintenance for his daughter ?
No, we get the child benefit what everyone receives but this goes to her extra curricular activities
OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 08:12

@WeAreTheHeroes

If you earn less than him why are you paying half the costs of living together? It should be split proportionate to your respective incomes.
But it’s not up to her to keep his DD, so he should pay more.
BeMoreHedgehog · 18/10/2021 08:15

Look for a FB group called vitamin B12 Wake Up. It will give you lots of information. By the sounds of it you could do with daily/every other day injections. A ten hour day however does not exempt your OH from helping out in the house. Time to change things I think!

femfemlicious · 18/10/2021 08:16

Wow poster i think you are finding it hard to see the wood for the trees. Probably due to brain fog?.

How come you are paying for half of everything when his daughter livss with you?. Also you cannot afford it with out having 2 jobs?. Just stop and takr a deep breath and analyse your situation logically. You are not well. You are the one in charge of school run. You drive 45 mins to pick him up from work. You are probably in chargr of housework and cooking. Why is that?

Original poster
Lucyloo1234 · 18/10/2021 08:26

@BeMoreHedgehog

Look for a FB group called vitamin B12 Wake Up. It will give you lots of information. By the sounds of it you could do with daily/every other day injections. A ten hour day however does not exempt your OH from helping out in the house. Time to change things I think!
Thank you. I will look at this
OP posts:
JustThisLastLittleBit · 18/10/2021 08:28

‘He doesn’t understand’ eh? He doesn’t WANT to understand. He WANTS more sex and that’s all that matters to him.

WeAreTheHeroes · 18/10/2021 08:31

@GoodnightGrandma - even more reason why she shouldn't be paying 50%.

Shoxfordian · 18/10/2021 08:36

It shows you what he values you for: sex

He sounds like a knob