Help me throw some light on this ?

[Thighdentitycrisis]

Talking on the phone with DP
After a long talk I was just about to say something about X and he cut me off - to say “I wasn’t talking about X, I was talking about Y (the thing we had just discussed for the last hour)
I told him he interrupted me and I wanted to make a point and that it had evolved out of our conversation.
He said no he didn’t interrupt me
I said yes he did
He then countered with- do you think you haven’t interrupted me in the last hour ?
I said that’s not what we’re talking about. I raised the fact that you cut me off and you denied it, now you are trying to divert attention with this “noise”
He then told me I was difficult to talk to
I then said you are now telling me there is something wrong with me, can you not see what you are doing? And you think you are enlightened about control in relationships?
We ended the call then
Am I being unreasonable? Can you explain it to me? Basically were we still meant to be talking about X because I hadn’t agree with him 100%?

It all just feels exhausting and the pair of you sound aggressive with each other.

You live in separate countries? I could not be bothered with all this.
On and off for 35 years? It's not really a relationship.

More like a long dragged out feud.

@Thighdentitycrisis

Thanks, part of me wants to say it like that. I’m sure we both feel that we are incompatible in many ways but in other ways we are very compatible and close It’s just not as simple as “not working, end it” for me. I wish it was and I’m not doubting that there are situations when that is appropriate, I’ve been in them and acted accordingly. Can’t seem to be so decisive in this. Something I can’t put my finger on what holds me and him back.

We’ve been on / off and very good friends in between for over 35 years. We don’t love arguing though, and have never argued so much as during this iteration.

Didn't you want to get married or be partners and live together in the same country during 35 years of on and off?

How often do you meet each other and for how long?

Quite often subconsciously we attract partners similar to our mums and dads as something familiar from our childhood even if they were toxic sometimes.

It sounds like you are competing with him instead of being a great team.

Is it true in your case?

The thing is he will keep on saying his thing like a broken record and eventually I usually blow up, say something rash and hurtful and then I am rightly seen as the perpetrator and him the victim and he takes no responsibility for his part in the exchange. I think.

No - you are not "rightly seen as the perpetrator".
You are not the perp.

He sets you up for disagreement, needles & winds up & repeats & dismisses your input ... keeps doing it til you understandably explode, & then DARVO's you.

I think it's deliberate.
I think he's Lundy Bancroft's 'Mr Perfect' -
exploringyourmind.com/10-types-of-emotionally-violent-people/

If you haven't been made aware of Bancroft's stonkingly illuminating & helpful book yet, fill yer boots here OP - www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

35 years of this?

Sounds utterly exhausting.