Different love languages but I'm struggling with it

[coolcahuna]

So I've been with my boyfriend just over 2 years and it's been great and we really click. We said how we felt around the six month mark and told each other that we love each other, all good.

Fast forward to now and I think he's literally said it twice since then in passing. I say it more and he responds positively but it's making me hold back from saying it as it feels like I'm forcing it. I've spoken to him about it and he's said he shows his love rather than saying it...which I do feel but also a girl needs to hear it from time to time also. Got the same issue with compliments, non existent so I've also been giving him way less compliments as it's just awkward. So just doesnt feel great as i feel like I'm not being myself and holding back.

Just not sure what to do, it's a great relationship in all other aspects including the physical side. I'm thinking I need to raise it again and explain how this is making me feel.

Do you feel loved generally (other than all of this)? I wonder if part of the reason why you need to hear it is because despite the fact that you can reason that he's great in xyz, and he does xyz for you, you still feel that something is missing, and you still don't feel loved. Even if he tells you he loves you more often, I'm not sure if that is going to fix things. I think what you're looking for is deeper than surface level compliments.

Sorry not very good on this at tagging people in responses. Thankyou for all the comments. I think what it boils down to is that his actions are not making me feel 100% loved on their own, otherwise I wouldn't be looking for more. I do need some words from time to time when it feels right.

I don't feel like I'm being insecure in needing a bit more from him as it's off a low base. If we've both made an effort on a night out, i'd like him to notice and say so like i do with him.. I don't want to be smothered but I don't think the odd compliment wouldn't go amis. I have told him what I would like but what I haven't done is told him how the lack of it makes me feel so I'm not sure he's taken it in to be honest.

I've been very light hearted about it so far as he is good egg and I don't want to muck it up or put him under loads or pressure or force it.

I'm not wanting to use his language or him to use mine just a bit more effort to acknowledge what I need and I need to recognise his actions also.

@AlbertBridge

I recently revamped my appearance. Lost weight, got a different haircut, updated my clothes. I was in a rut and felt minging so I changed. My DH loved me before and after but he definitely says, "You look lovely!" more often now. Similarly I only truly feel moved to say how gorgeous he looks when he's wearing certain clothes, and hasn't just had his hair cut. 😆

Could it be that he doesn't think you look as good now as he did back in the days when he was being more complimentary? I mean, have you changed how you look? It could just be that.

This is an interesting point actually as I have lost weight and possibly he found me more attractive before. I personally feel a million times better now which you would think would increase the attraction.

@EarthSight

Do you feel loved generally (other than all of this)? I wonder if part of the reason why you need to hear it is because despite the fact that you can reason that he's great in xyz, and he does xyz for you, you still feel that something is missing, and you still don't feel loved. Even if he tells you he loves you more often, I'm not sure if that is going to fix things. I think what you're looking for is deeper than surface level compliments.

Yes I think you might have a point here on something deeper.

@coolcahuna

To tag people, just type @ then a list of names will come up, then you just click on the one you want.

This is an interesting point actually as I have lost weight and possibly he found me more attractive before.

Were you bigger when you very first met him? That'll be how he most fancies you, when you first got together.

I personally feel a million times better now which you would think would increase the attraction.

It'll increase your confidence but that doesn't automatically increase your attractiveness. If his type is bigger girls, it'll always be bigger girls.

I think the thing is that YOU feel so much better, sexier, and prettier now. So you're expecting him to appreciate that too. But he's not reacting like he does. And so you're confused and almost resentful. Like, "Look how I upgraded myself and you don't even notice!"

He might even feel a bit threatened now you're slimmer. Like the two of you are no longer balanced in attractiveness. Couples subconsciously judge each other on their status and feel happiest when they believe they're equally matched. When one person changes, it puts the see-saw out of kilter.

I wouldn't do anything. You love the new you - that's the most important thing.