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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner anger issues

41 replies

ilovebrie8 · 15/10/2021 18:25

Partner is like a Jekyll & Hyde he can change in a split second his mood...and it makes me feel anxious often. Tonight I was filling the dish washer and rinsing the plates unknown to me he wanted to wash an apple at the sink...where I was standing . He threw the apple across the room at me ...he seemingly thought I was going slow to annoy him. I’m stunned and was unaware I was in his way ...his behaviour is becoming more erratic...I asked him what the heck and he told me stay away from him or he’ll punch me...out of nowhere an erruption of anger😞

OP posts:

Original poster

ilovebrie8 · 16/10/2021 08:44

@Tapta I haven’t posted about him since then that incident was in 2019 ...I’d actually forgotten about that as I have meno brain...and sadly can’t recall what happened last week never mind two years ago. But yeah your advice is right I don’t want this and feeling like I do ...the apple incident isn’t how normal people behave it’s shocking

OP posts:

MintJulia · 16/10/2021 09:07

Op, his behaviour is escalating, you need to get out and you know that.

The money is a lot less important than broken bones or worse. Turn to family or friends, women's aid, anywhere that can help.

Original poster

ilovebrie8 · 16/10/2021 09:35

I know I feel foolish having loaned him ...I’m not thinking straight at the moment

OP posts:

layladomino · 16/10/2021 09:55

Do you have any record of the loan? Like a bank transfer? You may need to seek legal advice on what to do about that.

You said you're 'in too deep'.... other than the loan, what do you mean by that?

Even before this recent event it sounds like he is aggressive, makes you nervous, shouts, doesn't treat you like someone he loves. So you know you would be much better off away from him.

But the recent event, and especially the threat, is very serious and you need to get out as soon as possible for your safety.

Even safety aside, this man clearly doesn't show you any love. It isn't a partnership. It isn't a good relationship. He adds nothing to your life. In fact he makes it much worse.

Is there someone you can talk to IRL? Someone who can be on call to come around quickly if they need to? To help you get him out or move yourself out?

Original poster

ilovebrie8 · 16/10/2021 10:05

I have a record of me withdrawing it from my bank account ...I was going to do a transfer but he said no for me to just withdraw it and give to him .
I wish I hadn’t...when I was standing in the bank my gut instinct was saying no 😠 wish I’d listened
He kind of brow beat me into the loan he says he will pay me back
I’m dealing with meno and depression so I’m not on top form
@layladomino you are spot on with what you are saying
Today he’s acting like it never happened that’s what happens he’s a split personality I never know which one it will be he can flip like a switch in seconds ...

OP posts:

Animood · 16/10/2021 10:34

Do you have any texts/ whats apps of you 2 talking about the loan? Get screenshots of the conversations and send to a friend for safe keeping.

How much did you lend him?

LIZS · 16/10/2021 10:38

He sounds controlling. Was it much money? What for?

layladomino · 16/10/2021 10:41

Are you getting the help you need for meno and depression? You need to be as strong as you can, and if you aren't already getting help from your GP then I urge you to make an appointment asap. I went on HRT and I was amazed at how much it helped.

Is there any way (whilst keeping yourself safe) that you could get him to mention the loan in a text or recorded conversation? Be really careful with this, as you don't want him to cotton on to what you're doing, so only do it if you're certain it won't give the game away.

If not, don't worry about that - you can worry about it later, and seek some legal advice about that. The most important thing is to get away from him. If in the worst case you don't get the money back, it would still be better to have lost the money and be away from him, than to stay with him.

Are there any practical barriers to leaving him?

Itstimetoquit · 16/10/2021 16:45

He sounds awful,LTB x

beautifulview · 17/10/2021 02:15

How much money are we talking about? I think you need to leave for your own safety.

yacketyyak · 17/10/2021 02:19

Fuck the money. It's not important. Get rid of him.

urbanbuddha · 17/10/2021 02:23

You can try and sort the money later. You need to help first. Call Women's Aid or, if you're in England, www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
This is no way to live.

Original poster

ilovebrie8 · 17/10/2021 10:27

It’s a few thousand pounds...the situation is unpredictable v up & down ...he can fire up over nothing or small things he sees as a slight...

OP posts:

LIZS · 17/10/2021 10:33

I doubt you will see the money again whether you stay or go. Of course he will hold it as a ransom to persuade you to stay , even if he has no intention of repaying. What was it for?

MoreStuffingMatron · 17/10/2021 19:15

Get out of the house and into a safe place. text him asking him when he will repay the loan of £x thousands.

Keep the responses as evidence. Get out then sue him in the small claims court.

bluejelly · 17/10/2021 19:26

The money is nowhere near as important as your safety and well-being. Please make plans to leave ASAP

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