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Original poster

Is he interested or not that bothered?

68 replies

Strawberrydessert · 14/10/2021 07:44

I met a guy through a social hobby 2 weeks ago... really hit it off, great chemistry, laughing the whole evening etc..

  • he text me immediately the next morning saying it was nice to meet me etc...
  • we have text every day since then (90% initiated by him). We have had one phone call which was last Wednesday where we told eachother we "like" each other.... he said that he wanted to keep getting to know me, and didn't want to push anything... since then he has continued to text me every day but hasn't asked me to meet up! We have never hung out just the 2 of us.
  • he is very flirty/playful and teases me a lot, so much so that it is confusing to me how he actually views me and if he likes me! I know boys would tease girls in school when they like them, but he is 32!
  • we have seen eachother 5 times in a group setting for our hobby over the past few weeks, I feel like he isn't that interested to speak to me in a group setting...i can't tell if he is playing it cool, or just not bothered. But as soon as I leave, I will get home and see that he has text me saying it was nice to see me even though in person he just didn't seem that bothered about talking to me
  • last Friday we almost kissed, he walked me to my car and he kinda went to kiss me, but I kind of pulled back because I don't want to kiss him when he hasn't asked me on a date... I really wanted to kiss him but I don't want to be used
  • he never asks me any questions about myself, or questions in general! Although he messages me every day, they are just silly messages... I feel like he isn't interested in getting to know me on a deeper level. When I have tried to throw in conversation topics, he doesnt run with them. It makes me feel like I'm just there for him to flirt with

I know the simplest thing here is for me to just ask him out myself, but I feel resistant to that. So many people say that if a guy likes you, he will tell you and show you. I've chased guys before and it has never worked!! I'm not worried about him rejecting me, I'm worried that he will say yes, but I will feel like I like him more than he likes me and I don't want to get hurt or be used

What do you think?

OP posts:
todaysdilemma · 14/10/2021 12:40

*date, not hug

Poppins88 · 14/10/2021 12:40

@CoronaPeroni Oh God! Please don't lump me in with her Grin I'm genuinely not humblebragging, it's only happened once or twice, I was just making the point!

CoronaPeroni · 14/10/2021 12:42

Ok @Poppins88 I believe youGrin

Original poster
Strawberrydessert · 14/10/2021 13:23

Yeah that's my thoughts @todaysdilemma he didn't lack confidence to try and go in for a kiss, so why would the lack the nerve to just say "hey you fancy doing x,y,z tomorrow?"

Because he doesn't want to formality and seriousness of dating me...he just wanted to see if he could get a snog. Eugh.

I'm just gonna bin this situation off. I feel disappointed but hey ho. What should I do? Do I just stop replying? Do I say something to him? I'd rather just say something in person tomorrow as I'd rather let him know what I think and be honest

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/10/2021 14:14

@Strawberrydessert

Yeah that's my thoughts *@todaysdilemma* he didn't lack confidence to try and go in for a kiss, so why would the lack the nerve to just say "hey you fancy doing x,y,z tomorrow?"

Because he doesn't want to formality and seriousness of dating me...he just wanted to see if he could get a snog. Eugh.

I'm just gonna bin this situation off. I feel disappointed but hey ho. What should I do? Do I just stop replying? Do I say something to him? I'd rather just say something in person tomorrow as I'd rather let him know what I think and be honest

He's probably not sure whether you like him because you're not communicating with him very much other than when he initiates things.

His attempt to kiss you was him seeing how you feel and you didn't kiss him back so he'll think you're not interested.

Just ask him out. He clearly likes you.

Original poster
Strawberrydessert · 14/10/2021 14:44

@girlmom21 he knows I like him because I told him already, and he said he likes me too but wants to "take it slow"... so he knows I like him, I flirt with him, he knows I'm attracted to him. I don't think he has any reason to be worried about that at all.

He has just text me saying that he hopes I'm having a good day... not sure what to even reply.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 14/10/2021 15:02

He has just text me saying that he hopes I'm having a good day... not sure what to even reply

If communication even at this level with him is baffling you, he's a no-no. Find somebody conversation flows with.

This man is already not providing you with what you need, which at this point should be clarity, understanding, and excitement. If you get into a relationship with somebody who bewilders you, that's how the relationship will feel: bewildering.

Your question was about whether he is interested, but I think you need to look at whether you are actually interested. Fancying someone physically isn't enough, unless all you want is sex.

What do you want from him? Relationship? Dating? Marriage and 3 kids? Friend with benefits? What are you looking for, and can he provide it?

sospspsp · 14/10/2021 15:51

[quote Poppins88]@TheFoundations well I have to say I wouldn't know what a woman from the 50s would think or feel given that I was born in the late 80s. I've lived in several countries as well as cities across the UK and currently live in London, so your ever so slightly patronising comment re. it being a big world isn't really needed. My high self esteem is precisely the reason I would never resort to chasing after a man or initiating contact with him. I would wager you aren't currently dating or at least haven't for a while? I am and have been for the last year and I can assure you that across the breadth of experiences I've had in this area one thing has been consistent: the men that were interested in me made themselves known, the ones that were on the fence and were bored acted in exactly the manner described by OP. I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this.[/quote]
I agree with this.
The op is experiencing what I have from guys I've 'met' online dating - happy to be in a texting/sexing situationship - but in not hurry or desire to be in a actual real-life relationship.
They will of course shag you if you put it on a plate for them (which I don't do as I'm not interested in having random shags from random guys I haven't even been on a date with)

Sakurami · 14/10/2021 16:14

Honestly op, he's not really interested in you. He's just playing/passing the time/flattered/wanting sex. This man isn't interested in a relationship with you and he's stringing you along. Don't treat him like he's special or he deserves anything.

I would reply 'your messages are boring and lacking substance. Can't be arsed with this so either start taking properly or I'll just see you around the hobby'

mewkins · 14/10/2021 16:29

I think I would just be slower to respond to messages and brush the flirting off. He will then either lose interest because all he wanted was someone to flirting with or else actually ask you out. Currently he is treating you as an option so I would do the same back to him. Match his non committal attitude.

todaysdilemma · 14/10/2021 21:20

Take a few days between replies. And be friendly and chatty at the hobby group but unless he actually asks you out on a date, just slow down the reply times and he'll either lose interest or sort a date.

RaisedByPangolins · 14/10/2021 21:35

Yeah agree with others - if I were you I’d match his (lack of) energy and either not reply to such a boring message or just reply tomorrow with “good thanks” and see if by stepping back a bit he tries to up his game.

TBH it would frustrate the hell out of me and id have got the ick by now, so maybe just let it die a natural death, but if it’s going to be weird seeing him at your hobby it might be better not to lay your cards on the table and tell him he’s boring you and that you want something deeper as it doesn’t sound like he’s capable of that.

tickertock · 14/10/2021 21:37

This sounds so frustrating, I'd just want to get to the point of it all, find out his intentions, I'm not normally one for asking the guy out but as he's given you attention that he likes you and has even said it, just ask him out after the hobby for a drink/food. If he backs away from your offer then I think he has a secret gf

WatieKatie · 14/10/2021 21:38

Why don’t you reply suggesting going for a drink after the hobby ends? If he’s interested he’ll jump at the chance? If not you have your answer.

Dancingonmoonlight · 14/10/2021 21:49

I'd stop replying to his texts.
He is entertaining himself by sending you text messages and getting his ego stroked by you.
He isn't interested in pursuing you in any potential meaningful way.

Honeyroar · 14/10/2021 22:00

I wouldn’t reply much to his texts. If he says it was nice to see you I’d reply “well why didn’t you come and talk to me then??”

Lovestoned · 14/10/2021 22:12

The biggest red flag for me is:

  • he never asks me any questions about myself, or questions in general!

Think you have bagged yourself a narcissist.
Sounds like he is mirroring you too already.
Be careful.

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