Most people are not compatible with most people. Otherwise society would be very different, and everybody would find it really easy to find a perfect mate and be happy all the time.
Not being compatible with him has nothing to do with you, or your qualities or traits. It's the most likely outcome of 2 people meeting, and it happens all the time, to pairs of wonderful people, who turn a bit 'monster' when they're together, because they bring out all the wrong things in each other.
That's one side of it. The other side is that people whose relationship MO is to abuse, don't change from partner to partner. What they do, if they're clever, is they find partners who are increasingly good at looking like they're not abuse victims. If you're an abuser, the last thing you want is a partner who walks into the street and says 'My spouse abuses me.' The partner you want is one that will make you look like an angel to the outside world, but who you can treat like shit behind closed doors.
If you were in a relationship with an abuser, those were not the best years of your life. Some people have their best years in their 50s, 60s, and onwards... when they've learned not to give a flying fandoodle about what any boring old exes are up to, because they're too busy skydiving or running a marathon or playing the timpani in an orchestra.
Work out what you love love love to do, now. Start doing it. Fill your life with it. You are upset about your ex because you have nothing better to do, and it's your responsibility to find something that's more fascinating to you than spending time thinking about him.