Why wasn't I enough?

[Mermaidwaves]

I've been separated two years now from exH and still very much single. He has now married OW and they've had a baby, another is on the way. I try so hard to move on but I see how happy he is with OW, a totally different man to how he was when he was married to me. He was sullen, distant, abusive to me, now he's lit up like the sun and turned a corner. I spent 20 years trying to make my marriage work. She is younger and more attractive than me but I gave him my best years.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

I completely feel for you OP and understand every emotion, the hurt, the anger, the despair etc. However all these thoughts about him now being the man you wanted him to be and comparing yourself to the OW only serve to hurt you and keep you locked in the past unable to move forward.
Every single time any thought about him or his new partner pop up, say to yourself/ out loud "we weren't right for each other, time to move on". If someone mentions him, say "we weren't right for each other" like you don't care any more. You won't feel it initially but it won't take long before you do start to believe this. Fake it till you make it. You need to find your inner strength, its there I promise. Its time to move forward and not let that selfish arsehole take any more of your precious time.

Also I got married (for the first time) when I was 40. 40 is young especially nowadays. You have years of fun times ahead. I know its really hard but find strength on your own first before attempting to date. Do some things you wouldn't normally do. Arrange some weekends away with your friends. You can do this OP 💪

Yes a lot of people have said to be on my own first and I do think that has value. I feel quite sick and anxious when I now think about dating as I found it quite harrowing when I tried it last year, there are some really dreadful men online.

I will try and fake it till I make it

I read this post, and I have had similar. In two instances, I started to take It personally. I'm a nice woman, confident, ambitious, and like doing nice things in life. Self-sufficient. I'm 45 now and still attractive. My ex-husband cheated after 10 years together he is the father of my two teenagers. My recent ex left me, after 3 years and was with someone else quickly. Whilst I was a heap on the floor. Both of them changed for other people, and my last ex lost his job when I was with him. I paid for everything for 3 months. He left when he got a new job, and then I've just found out he went to Mexico with the new woman. I didn't even want to know what he was doing, I have no social media, and did not try to look, yet the woman he is still with Nastily emailed me a photo of them on that holiday. I threw up as thought her doing that was bloody cruel. I was fuming, as to why the hell he get off his arse and earn money to do that with her. Yet I had him sullen and moaning, that I would not pay for his tobacco when he was out of work. Yet I was paying for all of his other living costs. I feel bitter and I am not even ready to be with anyone as fed up with getting cast aside by the people, I waste my life with, who don't appear to value me. Really upsets, actually stings me a lot, especially when I know my most recent exs partner is horrid, as she sent me a really nasty message threatening me, that if I ever tried to get back with him. She would ruin my life! Yet he stayed with someone that horrid, and I'm single because he chose her over me. She doesn't even drive, has a rubbish job, and her house is tiny compared to the one. Me and my ex have together which I still live in.

Chell, your ex sounds horrible, and as luck would have it he’s found an equally horrible girlfriend! I’m sure life in their household is sheer bliss 😂 😂

The trash took itself out, leaving your way clear to find happiness. I hope you’re soon enjoying life in better company xx

I can guarantee you that she paid for his ticket to Mexico. Also, they haven't skipped off into the sunset without a backward glance, have they? Whilst they were miles away from home, and meant to be having the best time, YOU were in their thoughts. Now, why is that? I would suggest that he either talks about you too much, or she is very insecure where you are concerned. Again, why would that be? Clearly she sees you as a threat, as does the other woman. That should really bolster your self esteem. They see you as a credible threat and a danger to their relationships. And in that case, their relationships must be pretty shit.

Op, what you see with your Ex, isn't what goes on behind closed doors. People rarely change. Add to that the stress of babies that don't sleep and all that goes with little kids, I know full well that the couple you see for a 5 minute snapshot will not be reality. Add to that, they will be eager to present themselves as perfect to you.

Me and DH bumped into a couple we hadn't socialised with for a few years. They looked really happy. Their social media is full of happy family posts. We got together a few weeks later, and at the end of the evening DH and I agreed that you could see their marriage was in real trouble, the vibes were bad. What you see in 5 mins, is not reality.

My first H treated me terribly, cheated lots of times. I left him (also after 20 years). He has cheated on every subsequent partner since. Leopards don't change their spots. Even if they try hard for a while, they will revert to type in the end.

Yes my mum did say, she probably had paid for that holiday.

I didn't engage with that woman's threats, yet I did text my ex, and said why the hell would you let that woman pinch my email address and send off a photo. To be honest the woman looked awful in the photo, I wasn't jealous of her appearance at all. Nor have I ever tried looking at what he's doing. As I really did love him. and we had a nice life of travel ourselves, then he was made redundant and it knocked his confidence and he was struggling with his mental health when he left our life.

I sent my ex a message as too why on earth would I want to see a photo, of him and some woman in Mexico. It was never a place we even talked about going to, as he went there once before with his long-term partner he was with before me,

As I wanted to piss off the woman who sent me the photo. I did say well If your trying to make me jealous you have majorly failed, as A) I would not recycle a holiday he went on with his ex. B) I would not even have saved the picture you sent me on your phone, as you're just highlighting to me that he still must have depression, with the state of you in that Bikini!!! I'm not normally horrid and I am better than sinking to that level. Yet I was so angry I blurted that out.

"I can guarantee you that she paid for his ticket to Mexico. Also, they haven't skipped off into the sunset without a backward glance, have they? Whilst they were miles away from home, and meant to be having the best time, YOU were in their thoughts. Now, why is that? I would suggest that he either talks about you too much, or she is very insecure where you are concerned. Again, why would that be? Clearly she sees you as a threat, as does the other woman. That should really bolster your self esteem. They see you as a credible threat and a danger to their relationships. "

EXACTLY this, and I was going to post similar. Balls to them Chell. You've got to her without even trying! 😆

As you've said your piece, block her 🙂