Why wasn't I enough?

[Mermaidwaves]

I've been separated two years now from exH and still very much single. He has now married OW and they've had a baby, another is on the way. I try so hard to move on but I see how happy he is with OW, a totally different man to how he was when he was married to me. He was sullen, distant, abusive to me, now he's lit up like the sun and turned a corner. I spent 20 years trying to make my marriage work. She is younger and more attractive than me but I gave him my best years.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

[Jurassicparkinajug]

I completely feel for you OP and understand every emotion, the hurt, the anger, the despair etc. However all these thoughts about him now being the man you wanted him to be and comparing yourself to the OW only serve to hurt you and keep you locked in the past unable to move forward.
Every single time any thought about him or his new partner pop up, say to yourself/ out loud "we weren't right for each other, time to move on". If someone mentions him, say "we weren't right for each other" like you don't care any more. You won't feel it initially but it won't take long before you do start to believe this. Fake it till you make it. You need to find your inner strength, its there I promise. Its time to move forward and not let that selfish arsehole take any more of your precious time.

Also I got married (for the first time) when I was 40. 40 is young especially nowadays. You have years of fun times ahead. I know its really hard but find strength on your own first before attempting to date. Do some things you wouldn't normally do. Arrange some weekends away with your friends. You can do this OP 💪

[Mermaidwaves]

Yes a lot of people have said to be on my own first and I do think that has value. I feel quite sick and anxious when I now think about dating as I found it quite harrowing when I tried it last year, there are some really dreadful men online.

I will try and fake it till I make it