Briefly, Have met nice person, seemingly. Person hasn't had a partner for years, gut feeling for me isn't good, am I being too judgementla or saving myslef grief?

[gutfeeling]

Long and short (yes I am changing my name here also)met online. Only chatting atm. Seems genuine in responses, articulate etc...

Yet when I found this fact out, and its about 10 yrs since last proper relationship it freaked me out. He is currently back at uni teacher training. Is mid 30's, so has been on own for 'a reason' to my mind!!

Yet has said he is not proud of the fact, just hasnt met someone worth while getting to know.

Small town scenario, yet this also makes me feel like he must be extremely fussy, or have a high opinion of himslef which has yet to surface. Or as another mumsnetter said, commitment shy.

Yet seems to come from big happy family.

For me, this worry is spoiling me wanting to get to know him more. I feel I am being judgemental, yet I this is a huge deal trusting someone again.

I know that had he broken up with some one 6 months ago I wouldnt be thinking this is odd.

Surely you won't be able to tell whether he's the man for you until you know him better?

I think the fact he appears to be careful about relationships is more appealing than a man who sees a string of unsuitable women just because he doesn't want to be alone.

Take things really slowly so you can trust him bit by bit. Sounds like that is what he wants to do too.

I'd be more worried about someone who'd just split up after a long-term relationship, tbh.

Hmmm. I would feel the same. My vote would be commitment shy but is less onerous imo than if he was mid-40s.

Maybe he had a serious girlfriend in his teens/twenties thought 'not yet!' and has been having the odd fling since then but feels ready now. You never know, he might be a good 'un. I like the fact you've obviously asked about his family!

I think you are being judgmental. When I met dh, he hadn't had a long-term relationship since uni - and he was in his 30s when we met. He is a wonderful man and there was no sinister reason for the lack of ex-girlfriends. He just wasn't very confident about approaching girls and, I suppose, fairly comfortable with his life of work and nights out with his friends. Until he met me, he didn't have any burning need to be part of a couple.

We've now been married for almost 15 years and have 3 children. That wouldn't have happened if I'd been worried by his past. And at least he didn't come into the relationship with any baggage or ex-girlfriends likely to pop up at any time.

Give the guy a chance. He might be great.

Dp's friend is a great bloke but has just started a new relationship after 10 years of being single. He had developed very low self-esteem and was unable to approach women in a way that would make him appear attractive to them.

Please don't judge this man too harshly.

just what you needed, someone to confuse you....here i am

I have to say that i am a gut-instinct girl. if it is something you can't put your finger on, but it has a 'funny' feeling to it, then your instincts are usually right and you only figure out what the "it" was much later.

sorry if

good luck whatever you decide

But what does gut instinct count for when you've only chatted on the internet and haven't actually met? You are judging someone by words written on a screen.

The OP's gut instinct relates to the situation, not the man because she hasn't met the man.

ummm, i agree that gut instinct works better in person

but if something doesn't seem right, even online, then it is right to be a little bit sceptical IMO

well it doesn't really matter at this stage does it..meet him and take it from there, it is what happens from now on that is important..and just take it easy, see what happens..quite possibly not a lot and you may end up with a good friend or a relationship or nothing at all..but don't worry about it

Freckle, "But what does gut instinct count for when you've only chatted on the internet and haven't actually met? You are judging someone by words written on a screen." - hey, we all do that every time we log on here Some of the people here know more about me than I care to think about...

In answer to the op, I think you need to meet to make your mind up really. With usual caution about meeting people from the internet.

Well of course, but I wouldn't go making any potentially life-changing decisions based on what anyone writes on here.

I think the OP needs to meet the chap in person before going on her gut instinct. Who knows, her gut instinct then might be to rip his clothes off and have her wicked way with him in a coffee shop .

I think you're being cautious, which is a very good thing. But you're also letting this (understandable) caution clouding your real judgement.

Take it very slowly and give him a bit more time.

You never know, you might enjoy it!

lol at freckle saying rippin clothes off

Hmm, its is difficult.

I was thinking downstairs. I have been a little startled by his 'need' for me already. He is always there when I go msn for instance. Now this might just be 'normal', i have no idea, yet there is aprt of me that somehow (with his not having met anyone) doesn't wnat to be put on a pedestal?? That prob sounds crazy, yetI feel like he would have very high hope for this meeting. I get the feeling form his wording he is a bit 'too' into me, after such a short time, and this if you think of his history of 'not' finding anyone to click with rather makes me feel he is desperate for 'someone' poss not me.

please don't read too much into the way I have worded that, it is difficult to convey.

For instance, in the first contact, and yes I contacted him, he replied with his home phone number and address.

We have been talking for about 2 hrs in total, and there already refs to meeting etc...

arghhhh

think there are lots of ways people do this internet dating stuff..yep pretty unusual to give his home phone and address but maybe he is just naive

people do meet up quite quick they also take ages to

they also have sex on a first date or not for months (years?)

it's all different..meet him with the usual precautions and just see what happens if you don't get on then it's no loss, it depends if you want to find out how you do get on

have you been in contact with many guys? if not then up the numbers and get a feel for the thing

i find people can be quite intense or quite indifferent, if the intensity is from someone you don't think you really like that much then just drop off their radar

in msn terms block them and just unblock them if you feel like talking

hi cna't be bothered to name change so am outing myself pmsl.

ok, i was just checking my mail on the dating site, and there was one from him. I knew he was msn messenger but I had just got up/online and didn't feel like talking to him. (speaks volumes???)

Hi Piratg,Lovely day, saw you online no IM so guess your busy talking to friends hope you managed to get your book read last night.
I really do like talking to you is an exceptionally refreshing experience probably because you reach the parts of me no other woman can lol.
x chat soon

its too heavy. ihave to get otu of this.

I have never had a long-term relationship. It is 5 years since I left my one and only relationship (due to abuse) so I'm gonna be one hell of a catch eh!

Why is that message heavy? you may just be on his level (intellectually etc) and he hasn't experienced that for a while...?

the message isn't heavy its the waiting for me, and thats what he talks like after so little time. He 'wants me' to be perfect somehow.

If you already feel that way imagine how you'd feel if you were together.
I met DP online and spoke to him every day for hours, I never felt like I couldnt be bothered to talk to him.
I'd say get out now.

BTW dp has only ever had 2gf's before me, one for a little while at school and one for a few months at uni. Relationships or lack of dont make any difference IMO.

my gut feeling is right then, i could be naive and think, oh someone really wants me, but I dont want to upset him or lead him on if i feel like this now.

I will have to email him.

ok are they a member of MN?
if not they are not nice so avoid!
if they are on MN they are not nice so avoid wonderful

do you fancy him from his photo if not and he is too keen then bin him

i have people i talk to from time to time that probably think i am too keen..they are not potential dates really

i have two i am seeing one for sex and one who i met once a while ago and have just been exchanging the odd friendly email with missed our second meet but he has just told me that he is interested in more than friends, had a wobble at that but i have just said to him i am open minded rather than jog on as he is a nice bloke..no idea about his past relationships as at this stage i don't really care..think he is quite an innocent tho

i contacted him, so yes i did fancy him from the picture. He has similar creative interests etc...

I have been feeling stalked.

thats the bottom line, form him always being there, and lets face it its only been 2 days, and by his comments.
'thats what I like about you' etc...

too much, he doesnt know me to make sweeping statements. Yes i may be being very critical, but I am too far down the track, to deal with someone who is well intentioned but also naive. hard work imo.

ther feel better now