Lonely, anxious & depressed with unsupportive gambling partner

[MinxE78]

2 years ago I quit my job and moved 150 miles away with my daughter to be with my partner.
During lockdown 1 I was made redundant and that month I discovered my partner has a gambling problem. He’d gambled his entire wages leaving me to pay the rent, bills and food. This has happened a few times. Not once has apologised or tried to make it right, in fact he’s been extremely unkind to me.
In my new job I have been really bullied which has caused me such anxiety to the point I got signed off work.
This month he had a planned birthday trip away but 3 days before he was due to go he said he’d not booked as he had no money left. I gave him my last £120 and let him book his flight & Covid test on my cc and said you must pay it Bk on payday which would be while he was away. He got back, fobbed me off for a few days why he’d not put the housekeeping in my bank and then said he’d gambled the lot on payday.
I’m at such a low point, he doesn’t seem to care what this is doing to me emotionally or financially.
The other day I just sat crying telling him how I feel and I need a hug or comfort from him, as usual this was denied.
My mental health is my problem and not his.
I just don’t know what to do, since moving I still know no one, I have no friends or support.
Any suggestions

Massive congratulations, I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed right now but you've done the best thing for yourself and your daughter. Wishing you a happier future

Addiction is a selfish place to be. It's not fair. My boyfriend is an ex drinker. I never knew him.as a drinker. I've only known him on this side and he's never relapsed. It did destroy his last relationship and they still have emotional ties due to this. They only text but I know there's some deeper feelings somewhere even though he insists she was never right for him.

My experience of being with him is it's hard! He's awful with money. He struggles with highs and lows. His moods are shockingly poor at times. He's made me cry more times than I care to remember. He's selfish at times when ge can only think of himself. But there's reasons we work and love one another. Uts not exactly my job but I'm the opposite to him. So I bring him comfort. Like you I lend him money and he pays me back most of it. This is due to him being self employed and due to his personal struggles he's been off work recently and universal credit doesn't even cover half the cost of living.

I feel you pain. I think people who have dated an addict or married one! We understand the difficulties faced. They can be the most lovely people but then they have this massive fault which causes anxiety and loneliness and alot of misery.

He's got to want to help himself. He won't stop until he wants to. But you need to ask yourself where your limit is? I almost reached mine 6 weeks ago. He was going to loose me if we didn't talk about his ex and his past. I was emotionally exhausted by him and feeling like I didn't understand. I highly recommend you get firm and say we need to talk. You tell him exactly what you need from him or you will be done. You need to find your limit and push back. It's sad really because I still think in my mind he will loose me one day if he pushes me enough.

@MumE78

Just wanted to give an update.

We made it safely to the refuge this week.

It's been a strange few days not sure if I'm feeling happy or sad or feeling anything at all, just abit numb.

My daughter has already been offered a space at the school she chose which has an Ofsted level 1 Outstanding grade.

Don't think it's going to be an easy ride but I think we will be fine.

Well done you!

Well done. You have done the right thing for both you and your DD.

Zombie thread!