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Original poster

Should I dump him?

56 replies

kilolik · 12/10/2021 15:54

Back in January I ended up sleeping with a good friend of mine. One thing after the other led to this being a regular thing, and we both caught feelings for each other. I wasn't sure if we should date, but we said we'd give it a go.

We've been together since. But I've suddenly sort of got an ick. I've realised that I really care for him, but I don't love him. I've had moments over the past six months where I've started to feel it. My friend has been telling me to end things for some time, which tbh is putting me off him .

The problem is, he is my best friend. We are so similar and we share friendship group. I will really miss him if he decided to go nc. Our sex is amazing, some of the best I have ever had. But the problem is, I don't get butterflies.

I've told myself that because we started dating from friends, it won't be the same as the usual dating. I'm really torn. I have only once had the whole butterflies and true love thing with an ex. I don't know if it's cruel to keep this going as I'm not one hundred percent sure this can last for ever. But equally, I don't know if I am just getting cold feet with ' the grass is always greener'.

He is handsome, in shape, smart, and has a great career.

OP posts:
DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 12/10/2021 17:14

I’d dump him

Leave him to let him find someone other than you who will appreciate things and perhaps has more emotional maturity and can distinguish between a friend as opposed to someone who is anything but.

If you’re that easily swayed with no basis to be so whatsoever then he deserves better than you

Iflyaway · 12/10/2021 17:30

He is handsome, in shape, smart, and has a great career.
Our sex is amazing, some of the best I have ever had.
he is my best friend

My friend has been telling me to end things for some time, which tbh is putting me off him
The friend is single, someone I met a while back and had a disastrous few dates with.

Do you really need to ask?

I know which I would choose.....

Regularsizedrudy · 12/10/2021 18:03

You haven’t listed anything you dont like about him… ?

HappyDays101010 · 12/10/2021 18:30

Butterflies is just another word for nerves.

TheFoundations · 12/10/2021 18:33

@HappyDays101010

Butterflies is just another word for nerves.
That's too basic. We get butterflies from excitement, which is the positive side of the 'nerves' coin.
kwarantina · 12/10/2021 19:11

Only you know why you want to break up with him. If it really is only what you’ve told us then it sounds like a typical case of the grass is always greener. Either that or you want some more time single before you settle down (if you plan on).

The butterflies and early excitement never lasts. But maybe this is a life lesson that you’re going to have to have on your own. I feel sorry for him, he sounds like a good guy, and he deserves better. Be kind to him if you do end things.

REDHERO · 12/10/2021 19:14

I stopped reading at 'caught feelings'. Sounds like a contestant from Love Island or a teenager.

dancemom · 12/10/2021 19:33

Also don't u set stand how you can have amazing sexy and have the Ick?

The Ick would mean you find it uncomfortable to even be in the same room, they make your skin crawl and the thought of sex with them would disgust you.

I think you're maybe a bit bored, have the grass is greener syndrome and are being influenced by this non friend.

You never need an excuse to leave a relationship but it would be a shame to leave for the wrong reasons.

Reinvest in your relationship.

Animood · 12/10/2021 19:37

Best friend and amazing sex.

Love, this is what a good relationship is. That's all it is. A best friend you have sex with.

Stick with it.

Animood · 12/10/2021 19:38

And don't listen to people who make you doubt yourself.

OhThatChicken · 12/10/2021 19:44

If you broke up you, realistically no matter what you said in the immediate aftermath, would never get to be friends again. Chances are you’d never see each other properly again. How does that make you feel? If it makes your heart hurt don’t dump him.

Sneezecakesmama · 12/10/2021 19:47

Maybe explain to your friend how you feel, and agree to split for 6 months to see if your feelings are real and long term?

spotcheck · 12/10/2021 19:54

'ick' as in?

Anon778833 · 12/10/2021 20:01

Also don't u set stand how you can have amazing sexy and have the Ick?

The Ick would mean you find it uncomfortable to even be in the same room, they make your skin crawl and the thought of sex with them would disgust you.

I thought the same...

Opentooffers · 12/10/2021 20:17

Dog! Well obvs your 'friend' is in your ear as he's jealous. If to your mind you had a disastrous few dates with said 'friend', why is he still hanging around as a friend? Of course he still has the feels for you - he will deny this to the end.
Thing is, why are you taking any ex's opinion and letting him get in your head? Do you not have your own mind?

Opentooffers · 12/10/2021 20:17

Doh! - bloody autocorrect

Overandonefor · 12/10/2021 20:20

What is this thread

momtoboys · 12/10/2021 20:21

I had a very similar situation when I was in my mid-late 20's. Great friend, handsome, great career potential. My mum thought the world of him. We tried the dating thing but I could never make myself feel those kinds of feelings for him no matter how hard I tried. It ended badly and we haven't spoken since. I miss my friend to this day.

DrSbaitso · 12/10/2021 20:55

He's your best friend, fit, good looking, good career and the sex is amazing. What else is missing? Butterflies? What does that even mean?

Look, if you're dissatisfied then nobody can reason you into being in love. But a great friend with great sex is pretty much what a great relationship is. You're certainly young enough to find someone else if you want to, but do you know what you're looking for?

Are you really expecting to get a flutter of excitement every single time you see each other for the rest of your lives? When you're in your 40s with small kids? When you're 75?

Would you be thinking any of this if your friend hadn't said anything?

DrSbaitso · 12/10/2021 20:55

A man like him will have no trouble finding another girlfriend after you split. How does that make you feel?

spotcheck · 13/10/2021 00:04

But surely OP can't be with someone she doesn't have romantic feelings for?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/10/2021 00:12

You're having some of the best sex of your life, yet he gives you the ick? How does that work? The "butterflies" issue is just nonsense, and a very fleeting part of a relationship. You've known this man for quite a while, it seems, it stands to reason you wouldn't have butterflies due to being so comfortable with him.

Your "friend" is a viper in the grass, so ignore him.

Chloemol · 13/10/2021 00:22

@butterflyze

The 'friend' can't have you, and doesn't want someone else to have you either. Ignore that friend's advice, it is not impartial.
This with bells on

The ‘friend’ can’t bare to see you happy with someone else

If you are going to dump anyone dump this ‘friend’

timeisnotaline · 13/10/2021 00:24

Your friend is not on your side!

kwarantina · 13/10/2021 09:19

I was thinking more about this.

I had a friend who dumped a guy like this. Someone we all thought was a great boyfriend to her. I remember her ringing me (early 00s) and saying that such a weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt free again. She was
excited to meet new people.

A few weeks later she missed the friendship and realised she’d made a mistake. She uhmed and ahed over asking him to meet up, by which point the guy had started dating someone new and refused to let her hurt him again.