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Original poster

Son's new girlfriend

54 replies

JustGettingBy56 · 11/10/2021 13:58

Hi
I'm in my 50s so a bit older than some! My son is in his 30s and has recently, about a year ago, started a new relationship with a girl who is 10 years younger than him.

They only chatted on the internet for the first several months and he met her for the first time about 6 months ago.
I've never met her, though she seems very keen to meet up, so we'll probably do that in a week or two.
I'm a little bit worried though, because she seems to be moving things along a bit quickly, and I feel there are a couple of things that might possibly be red flags?
Firstly, only last week she asked if she could move in with my son, who currently lives alone; even he thought it was a bit soon.
Then, only a couple of days ago, she asked him if she could spend Christmas at my house! She told him that she doesn't want to go to her own parents because she doesn't get on with her dad - fair enough - but there's no mention of her seeing her Mum either?
Maybe I'm being a bit paranoid here, but I'm just thinking it's all a bit too soon, and a tiny bit pushy?
Anyone have any thoughts?
I don't want to cause trouble for my son, but also I don't want him to head into trouble down the way.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 11/10/2021 14:00

My thought is that your son is in his 30s. Mine's 21 and not interested in my opinion!

QueenBee52 · 11/10/2021 14:04

OP you sound like a lovely caring and switched on Parent..

all you can do

twoandeights · 11/10/2021 14:05

Sounds young and enthusiastic. Just be smart and keep your opinions to yourself. Do not get on her bad side. Be her friend. Keep your wits about you

FanjoleenaJolly · 11/10/2021 14:06

Where are the red flags, I don't understand? They've been seeing each other nearly a year, I would say at the ages they are, a year wouldn't be particularly early to start talking about living together. She's also talking about Xmas arrangements, not unusual either - if you don't want to host the pair of them, just say so. Honestly don't understand what the issues are in your post, your son is 30, not a live-struck 16 year old needing a bit of mum-guidance.

QueenBee52 · 11/10/2021 14:07

sorry pressed post too soon...

all you can do is express concern as how fast things are going ... but don't be too judgemental... he said No to her moving in.. so he perhaps agrees and is taking things slower ..

is there a possibility she might get pregnant to speed things along.. 🤔 who knows...

also.... You might like her OP.. 🌸

namechange30455 · 11/10/2021 14:10

Why on earth are you so involved in all this? I don't remember ever consulting my parents about whether to move in with a partner Hmm

tickertock · 11/10/2021 14:13

All you can do is mention your concern that it's a bit soon to be moving in after 6 months but at the end of the day, your son has to make that decision with her.
As for Christmas I think it's cheeky of her to invite herself when you haven't even met yet, I wouldn't be keen on that and I don't think that's unreasonable to reject her nicely over for Christmas Day.

Lindy2 · 11/10/2021 14:14

I think other than gentle comments about not rushing in to things too much I don't think there's very much more you can do.

Obviously if your son asks for your opinion you'd be right to state it but otherwise he will probably make his own decisions. He's already told her it's too soon for her to move in (which it is) so hopefully he'll choose not to rush things either.

Spending Christmas with you doesn't seem too much of an ask especially as they'll have been together a while by then. It would be a good opportunity for you to get to know her too.

IWillFindYou · 11/10/2021 14:16

The only red flag I see here is that your son is dating someone 10 years younger than him. Why doesn’t woman his own age want to date him?

TwinsandTrifle · 11/10/2021 14:19

Your son is in his 30s.

Do you always involve yourself at this level? Confused

CallMeNutribullet · 11/10/2021 14:21

Your son in his 30s you really shouldn't be getting involved with his love life over something so minor. Maybe her family aren't nice people and she wants to spend Xmas with her boyfriend?
She's keen on him. That isn't a red flag.

viques · 11/10/2021 14:23

In his thirties is a bit vague. Is he 31 making her very early 20s, or is he 39 meaning she is late twenties. There is a huge amount of growing up that people do in their 20s, so the difference between just 20 and nearly 30 is very marked.

If he has his own place why not suggest that they do Christmas for you this year?

cultkid · 11/10/2021 14:31

1 year is ages to be together

JapanJetplane · 11/10/2021 14:32

If your son is a decade older than her I very much doubt the power balance lies contrary to his favour.

AliceMcK · 11/10/2021 14:33

Yikes I’m with others, why are you involving yourself in your grown sons relationships. He could have a string of girls live with him, it’s absolutely none of your business. You need to cut those apron strings.

itsgoodtobehome · 11/10/2021 14:39

Oh this made me laugh. I am 51 and my DS is 9 so I guess I don't need to worry about this just yet, but my feeling is that when is he is 30, he can do what he wants!!

1forAll74 · 11/10/2021 14:52

HE is 30, so should be a bit aware of people he meets off a dating site. Some young women are quite forward these days, and can tell you anything, but it's up to your son, to suss things out. A lot of things can fall flat in this situation, or could turn out well. Your Son should take things easy for now, but that doesn't always happen with young people !

Essen · 11/10/2021 15:00

He is in his 30’s! Even if she is ‘pushy’, he should be able to manage his own relationship.

GoodnightGrandma · 11/10/2021 15:05

It’s good that she wants to come to you for Xmas.
My DS’s psycho ex sucked him into her family and we hardly ever saw him. When we did she was glued to his side, constantly on her phone, and reminding him that they had somewhere else to be.

furbabymama87 · 11/10/2021 15:06

They're both adults, let them crack on. You can give your advise if he wants it, whether he follows it or not is up to him.

WhoppingBigBackside · 11/10/2021 15:13

They only chatted on the internet for the first several months and he met her for the first time about 6 months ago.
They've been together 6 months

I've never met her, though she seems very keen to meet up, so we'll probably do that in a week or two.
She seems pushy

Firstly, only last week she asked if she could move in with my son, who currently lives alone; even he thought it was a bit soon.
Too soon

Then, only a couple of days ago, she asked him if she could spend Christmas at my house!
Cheeky

She's too young, too pushy and it's too soon.

You only have your son's word about these things though.

My guess is that she wants free accommodation

Ughmaybenot · 11/10/2021 15:17

Honestly a year really isn’t very quick to be talking about living together or about spending Christmas together, they’re not children!

Ughmaybenot · 11/10/2021 15:19

Oh six months, in reality. Hmm it’s a little hasty I guess but it’s nothing that I would be completely shocked over. And you have nothing to worry about given your son has no issues saying when it’s too quick for him, and she isn’t keen to pull him away from you and your family unit 🤷🏼‍♀️

GitsandShigggles · 11/10/2021 15:23

Your son is 30, maybe leave him to make decisions for himself.

3peassuit · 11/10/2021 15:25

I’d expect a man in his thirties to use his own judgement and stay out of his love life.