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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend thinks she has been filmed having sex without her knowledge.

31 replies

Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 09:06

If it is true, isn’t it illegal ?
And if he showed the filming of it to other people? Isn’t that illegal too?

My friend was seeing this guy a while back, though nothing serious, it was just sex.

Excuse the details, but she told me this to see what I thought.

One night he was asking her to move round the bed a bit while being intimate, on top of the sheets.

She wondered at the time that something was ‘off’ as his wardrobe had a mirror on it, and if he used it to film it all, but as time passed, she pushed it to the back of her mind.

She is now happily engaged, wedding planned next year..

Recently though she had been very quiet. When I asked her what was wrong, she showed me a FB message that her relatives brother sent her.

When she opened it, he had written ‘Is this really you?’ with a video attached, but when she tried to play it, it had been blocked with a message about inappropriate content.

She is worried now that this video might be her and her ex having sex and that it has been passed around.

As it is blocked, she doesn’t know if it is or isn’t, so can’t ask questions to her relatives brother about it without raising suspicions.

She is honestly in a flap and is wondering whether to tell her partner in case it is. I have tried to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. She was perfectly entitled to have a sexual relationship with someone in the confines of a bedroom, but she is in bits.

Has anybody else been in this situation? I’m trying to help her and somebody else’s experience/ perspective might hold the key.
Thank you.

OP posts:
MyCatDribbles · 09/10/2021 09:08

I’m pretty sure it’s illegal
How horrific for your friend. If I was her, she needs to confirm whether it’s her and then go to the police

WhoisRebecca · 09/10/2021 09:09

I’m sure there’s a spam message on Facebook like that though so it’s not necessarily that she’s been filmed.

LubaLuca · 09/10/2021 09:10

‘Is this really you?’ with a video attached...

This is a hack/scam thing that does the rounds on social media. I received the message from a woman I worked with 25 years ago, and a cousin a few months later. Suffice to say, no it wasn't really me either time, although I obviously didn't open the videos.

Evesgarden · 09/10/2021 09:11

There used to be spam messages going around similar to this.

She need to message the 'friend' who sent it as it mights be a virus

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/10/2021 09:12

@WhoisRebecca

I’m sure there’s a spam message on Facebook like that though so it’s not necessarily that she’s been filmed.
Yes it's a well known scam.
pommepommefrites · 09/10/2021 09:12

I've had that message from loads of people it's a scam usually someone's account has been hacked and they send that message to everyone in their inbox/friends list.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/10/2021 09:12

The scammer won't be the relative BTW - hell gave had his account hacked.

EatSprayGlove · 09/10/2021 09:13

I've had this type of spam a couple of times. Never watched it as wary what link may download to my phone and I was similarly concerned first time but my feeling is its a scam thing. I culled my social media massively as a result though!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/10/2021 09:13

I doubt that this guy sent that message
She needs to message him and ask him

KateTheEighth · 09/10/2021 09:15

There was definitely a spammy scam doing the rounds on messenger while back

OnPaper · 09/10/2021 09:16

Google "is this you facebook scam" . It's not her, it's a scam and If she has been trying logging in or follow directions of that link she needs to change her passwords ASAP.

www.techlicious.com/blog/facebook-is-this-you-video-scam/

SpringSparrow · 09/10/2021 09:16

Sounds like a hack/scam on Facebook. So probably the relatives brother had been hacked. I’ve had this message from friends on Facebook, they had received the same message and had opened the link, it then sends it to all their Facebook friends. Not sure what else it does to their Facebook. But ultimately she should tell the sender then he has been hacked. Some of my friends fall for it time and time again 🤦🏻‍♀️

SmileyClare · 09/10/2021 09:19

It does sound odd that a relative's brother would send her the explicit video with a "is this really you?" message. That's not how you would expect a distant relation to react. I think it's likely a scam.

It's possible her ex wanted to look at them having sex in his mirrored wardrobe rather than having a sophisticated hidden camera concealed inside it? I don't think she can make accusations like this without any evidence.

Whatever the explanation is, encourage her to share her concerns with her partner. She's done nothing wrong here and he must have noticed if she's "in bits".

LadybirdyBirdylady · 09/10/2021 09:22

Yes that's a well known scam but it doesn't mean he didn't film her.

Original poster
Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 09:35

Thank you all for your help. I will pass all this on.

I think she will be more than relieved.
Apart from the FB message which turned out not to be what she feared, there has not been any other evidence of any filming that’s come to light.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 09/10/2021 09:39

Seems like a scam to me .I would tell her to forget about it .

PatsyJStone · 09/10/2021 09:41

Definitely been doing the rounds for a yearor so now. She needs to forget about it as it’s nothing to do with anything that may have happened previously, that’s a completely different issue entirely. The two are definitely not connected, well, likely to be 99.99% unconnected.

Cascascascas · 09/10/2021 09:42

@Itsjustnotcricketisit

I think that message was just a hack of the other phone. I have had that message

Original poster
Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 09:52

@SmileyClare

It does sound odd that a relative's brother would send her the explicit video with a "is this really you?" message. That's not how you would expect a distant relation to react. I think it's likely a scam.

It's possible her ex wanted to look at them having sex in his mirrored wardrobe rather than having a sophisticated hidden camera concealed inside it? I don't think she can make accusations like this without any evidence.

Whatever the explanation is, encourage her to share her concerns with her partner. She's done nothing wrong here and he must have noticed if she's "in bits".

Yes it is possible he just wanted to look at them having sex in the mirror. I think it was the fear that he filmed her, rather than actually accusing him. It’s up to her now what she wants to do, though I agree she should talk to her partner about it.
OP posts:
PearLime · 09/10/2021 10:01

If it is true, isn’t it illegal ?

Yes.

^And if he showed the filming of it to other people? Isn’t that illegal too?
^
Yes.

It's defo a scam message on FB. Got me at the time. I shat myself too!

Ask your friend about her MH in general. When we're anxious about things that there is little to no evidence for, it sometimes means there is a deeper anxiety going on.

Original poster
Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 10:04

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

I doubt that this guy sent that message She needs to message him and ask him
It’s a scam, luckily @CloseYourEyesAndSee. The relatives brother is a FB friend of hers so he definitely posted it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 10:06

@PearLime

If it is true, isn’t it illegal ?

Yes.

^And if he showed the filming of it to other people? Isn’t that illegal too?
^
Yes.

It's defo a scam message on FB. Got me at the time. I shat myself too!

Ask your friend about her MH in general. When we're anxious about things that there is little to no evidence for, it sometimes means there is a deeper anxiety going on.

I will do @PearLime, thank you.
OP posts:
neededafart · 09/10/2021 10:06

It's a well known scam on social media.

Original poster
Itsjustnotcricketisit · 09/10/2021 10:08

@LadybirdyBirdylady

Yes that's a well known scam but it doesn't mean he didn't film her.
Well no, but she has no evidence that he has that has come to light. Where do you start to find this sort of evidence when none is showing up?
OP posts:
stardust40 · 09/10/2021 10:12

Lots of my friends and family had this message yesterday......complete scam.