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Original poster

I am more financially secure than partner so

38 replies

whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 10:05

What would you do if in the future, you both wanted to buy a property together ?
We both have good salaries but I own my own home, he rents.
He has recently come out of bankruptcy and has begun ta nascent furiously. He will be in a position soon to not have to pay rent so expects to save £1k per month. We do intend to move in together in about 5 years. He will have £60 k by then which will be more than enough for us to buy somewhere together.
I have been badly burnt financially by exh plus I have three children to educate at third level.
I am thinking of giving children their inheritance before I die so they can get on the property ladder. I would sell my house and divide profits between them.
I would essentially be starting again at 51.
I would be in a strong position to get a mortgage and will have deposit for a shared mortgage.
Any opinions on this?
My priority are my children's inheritance and never being burned again financially.
I could hold onto my home and have him move in and he would pay a fixed sum with no rights over house as an alternative. Thoughts?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 08/10/2021 10:11

If he’d be happy to just move into a house you own with no legal rights then I’d pick that option. It’s something you need to discuss with him. He might not want to be so insecure. You might not still be together in five years. I’d sort out yourself and your DC and do what suits you rather than wait around on something which might not happen anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2021 10:16

If you want to be fair and also protect yourself I'd let him move in, pay half the bills, but nothing towards rent/mortgage. He can then invest the money or get a BTL property so he's no worse off and neither are you.

Original poster
whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 10:30

Yes it would be important to me that my children's inheritance is protected and that he has no legal right to my home but still contributes equally.is that a fair financial request for you think?
If my mortgage and related expenses will be £700 pcm then what would be seen to reasonable for his contribution when we earn similar salaries .

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2021 10:37

I don't think it is fair, no. I know he would be paying for accommodation elsewhere but then he could get on the housing ladder. Paying rent to you means he can't.

How much of the £700 is mortgage?

Original poster
whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 10:40

Ok. £ 650mortgage. He has. Much more disposable income than I but also hasmaintenance but that's nearly finished.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 10:42

I don't think owning his own home long term is a major priority. He has said that he would be happy renting indefinitely,even with me.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 08/10/2021 10:54

Why not wait to see where you both are in five years time. Because this is all a bit far off and relies on a lot of things coming together.

My issue is that your future planning is to release equity to give to your children. This plan relies on him saving 60k and having a job that pays a contribution to the mortgage. Laudable to want to help your children. But what happens if he fails to live up his side of the plan?

He’s a bankrupt. He is getting older like you and it’s harder to find work in your 50’s. Sometimes your health fails and you can’t work. The relationship could break down.

I wouldn’t plan this way. As much as I would want to be able to gift deposits to the kids, I would put my own retirement security first and that retirement plan doesn’t rely on a DP.

Plus what is his retirement plan. Does he have a pension?

Sorry but this is a plan for when you are in your 20’s and can make mistakes. In your 50’s, time isn’t on your side and your earning potential is dwindling.

TheTrinity · 08/10/2021 11:06

I think the first part of your plan is good, I think if you gift your children their inheritance you would have to survive 7 years after that as I'm sure you've checked. But I am very wary about entangling financially with your partner due to his past history of bankruptcy. If you want to buy a property together then it should be a joint mortgage and equal share of the deposit and sharing bills. If you decide to split then it's clearer to sell up or if there's a possibility of buying the other out then you may consider that. If you marry then definitely get a prenup. However, whilst 51 is relatively young, lots of things could change, What if you developed a health issue and could not work or the job market in your industry changes? Would you have savings to fall back on? No one can predict the future, but you can make sure you can retain your independence should things change for the worse.

HollowTalk · 08/10/2021 11:10

@MrsTerryPratchett

If you want to be fair and also protect yourself I'd let him move in, pay half the bills, but nothing towards rent/mortgage. He can then invest the money or get a BTL property so he's no worse off and neither are you.
I can never understand this. I've read hundreds of threads on here where people recommend the OP should let her partner live there without paying rent or making a contribution towards the upkeep of the house. Why would you do that? Why should he live rent-free? He could bugger off after a couple of years with all his savings, making a fool out of her.
Opentooffers · 08/10/2021 11:11

Protecting the children's inheritance is easy, just agree to not get married, then what's yours is yours.If in 5 years he wants to buy a house with you and is in a position to, then sell your house and do that.
Meantime, it comes down to are you happy for him to move in and develop a relationship with your DC, and is he ok about moving in with them, would your DC's be ok about that too?
If you are happier keeping your home setup as it is, and he's happy renting, then no need to change anything, 5 years is a long way off, you'll know by then if you want to share a mortgage with him.

Restlessinthenorth · 08/10/2021 11:15

Do NOT let this man live in your house without contributing. I am you....2.5 years down the line where I have paid all my mortgage and every single bill whilst he has been "saving for our future". We too were loved up and sure of the future when we did this. Today we are separated and he has walked away with 25k in his bank. Don't I feel the fool....

Lolapusht · 08/10/2021 11:16

Why was he bankrupt? That would be a major concern for me. The bankrupt person I know ended up in £40+k debt because they loved spending. No other reason than they didn’t want to live within their means. They’ve now found themselves a wealthy partner so it’s not a problem as they can continue to spend money that’s not theirs 🤷🏻‍♀️

EdgeOfTheSky · 08/10/2021 11:18

Never get married, own a place together but as Tenants In Common with your share specified as a percentage. Pay the deposit and mortgage according to that percentage.

If he moves into a property that you buy, I don’t get the argument that he should contribute nothing to the cost of owning / paying the mortgage.

What would seem fair to me is that he buy his own property and if he rents it out, he pays half that income to you as rent. As well as a share of bills. Then you both benefit equally from each other’s property.

The headline message, given your circumstances: don’t get married. And if you buy together make sure it is ‘in common’ not ‘joint’

Original poster
whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 11:46

He went bankrupt when
Divorcing. He and his exw were caught in the economic boom and got a massive mortgage, when it came to divorce they did not agree on repayments and many other financial affairs so his only
Option was to declare bankruptcy. It was the final option and lowest point for him. He has paid his dues now and is ready to restart. His exw meanwhile refused to pay the mortgage on their home whilst living there for years and has now been threatened with Eviction.

OP posts:
PearLime · 08/10/2021 14:43

@Restlessinthenorth

Do NOT let this man live in your house without contributing. I am you....2.5 years down the line where I have paid all my mortgage and every single bill whilst he has been "saving for our future". We too were loved up and sure of the future when we did this. Today we are separated and he has walked away with 25k in his bank. Don't I feel the fool....
Everyone needs to read this and take stock.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but inwards and upwards.

PearLime · 08/10/2021 14:44

@whatplanetare

He went bankrupt when Divorcing. He and his exw were caught in the economic boom and got a massive mortgage, when it came to divorce they did not agree on repayments and many other financial affairs so his only Option was to declare bankruptcy. It was the final option and lowest point for him. He has paid his dues now and is ready to restart. His exw meanwhile refused to pay the mortgage on their home whilst living there for years and has now been threatened with Eviction.
This is enough to make me never want to tie myself to this man financially.

He has given his side of the story and clearly blamed his ex. But it takes 2 to tango OP.

Proceed with extreme caution!

Restlessinthenorth · 08/10/2021 15:34

@PearLime thank you. I am ok and can move forwards knowing I owe him nothing and am still financially secure. But huge lesson learned, and I hope others learn from me sharing my story. I will never, ever compromise my finances for a man again. Me, myself and I, front and centre of all decisions from this point on!

CharlotteRose90 · 08/10/2021 15:50

If you let him move in make him pay half the bills but you can’t change him rent. I wouldn’t trust him with a barge pole given his history as looks like he’s blaming his ex but it took both of them to do it not just her.

PearLime · 08/10/2021 16:23

[quote Restlessinthenorth]@PearLime thank you. I am ok and can move forwards knowing I owe him nothing and am still financially secure. But huge lesson learned, and I hope others learn from me sharing my story. I will never, ever compromise my finances for a man again. Me, myself and I, front and centre of all decisions from this point on![/quote]
Good for you!

EdgeOfTheSky · 08/10/2021 17:23

If you let him move in make him pay half the bills but you can’t change him rent

Why not?

HollowTalk · 08/10/2021 17:43

@CharlotteRose90

If you let him move in make him pay half the bills but you can’t change him rent. I wouldn’t trust him with a barge pole given his history as looks like he’s blaming his ex but it took both of them to do it not just her.
Of course you can charge him rent! He could be her lodger. People here take #bekind to mean they should be a mug.
CharlotteRose90 · 08/10/2021 17:48

@HollowTalk nothing to do with being kind it’s called not being selfish. It’s her house and that she plans to rightly leave to her kids. Why should he pay half the mortgage and have no right to it. What if their was a repair that needed doing is he to pay half? Her house she pays sorry. I get he pays half of the bills but not the rent . People are so greedy it’s irritating.

JuneOsborne · 08/10/2021 17:51

In the simplest terms, not buying a house together and never getting married ensures your kids futures wrt to money.

Buy house next door to each other, ala Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. Then, in the event of a split, you each have your own houses?

Fdksyihfd · 08/10/2021 17:52

Could you buy as tenants in common? Or he lives in your home and buys a home to rent out so that he has that stability or you live in his house and rent yours out. If he lives in your home then of course you can charge him rent; have some legal agreement if it makes you feel more secure

HollowTalk · 08/10/2021 17:58

[quote CharlotteRose90]@HollowTalk nothing to do with being kind it’s called not being selfish. It’s her house and that she plans to rightly leave to her kids. Why should he pay half the mortgage and have no right to it. What if their was a repair that needed doing is he to pay half? Her house she pays sorry. I get he pays half of the bills but not the rent . People are so greedy it’s irritating.[/quote]
But this is exactly how we have got a load of cocklodgers in our midst. The woman has the house and the guy moves in. Pays half the bills, even though he'll be eating more than half the food. Pays nothing towards the upkeep of the house. Pays no rent. Then he's free to walk off later with his savings.

Why is it selfish to expect an adult living with you to not live there for free? Let's say he's paying £800 pm rent and then moves in with her. He has £800 spare each month. How is that fair? Why not have him pay her £400 so that they each benefit by the same amount? Why should he be the only one to benefit?