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Relationships

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Original poster

I am more financially secure than partner so

38 replies

whatplanetare · 08/10/2021 10:05

What would you do if in the future, you both wanted to buy a property together ?
We both have good salaries but I own my own home, he rents.
He has recently come out of bankruptcy and has begun ta nascent furiously. He will be in a position soon to not have to pay rent so expects to save £1k per month. We do intend to move in together in about 5 years. He will have £60 k by then which will be more than enough for us to buy somewhere together.
I have been badly burnt financially by exh plus I have three children to educate at third level.
I am thinking of giving children their inheritance before I die so they can get on the property ladder. I would sell my house and divide profits between them.
I would essentially be starting again at 51.
I would be in a strong position to get a mortgage and will have deposit for a shared mortgage.
Any opinions on this?
My priority are my children's inheritance and never being burned again financially.
I could hold onto my home and have him move in and he would pay a fixed sum with no rights over house as an alternative. Thoughts?

OP posts:

user1471538283 · 08/10/2021 18:09

Wherever any adult lives he has to pay rent so he could move in and pay you rent and bills. Like many I have worked too hard and too long to have what I have. But then I'm never living with another man as long as I live.

CharlotteRose90 · 08/10/2021 19:15

@HollowTalk I’ll agree to disagree with you on this. I believe it’s fair that he doesn’t pay the rent as he gets no legal right to the house. It’s only right. I never said it was for free either I said he would have to pay half the bills for living there. I’ve lived with partners before in their house and not once have I been asked to pay the rent just bills same as everyone I know. I must be a female version of cocklodger then 😂😂. It’s just not done and it’s wrong. If he saves money by moving then good on him he can save and buy his own place to leave to his children in the future.

sospspsp · 08/10/2021 19:57

[quote CharlotteRose90]@HollowTalk I’ll agree to disagree with you on this. I believe it’s fair that he doesn’t pay the rent as he gets no legal right to the house. It’s only right. I never said it was for free either I said he would have to pay half the bills for living there. I’ve lived with partners before in their house and not once have I been asked to pay the rent just bills same as everyone I know. I must be a female version of cocklodger then 😂😂. It’s just not done and it’s wrong. If he saves money by moving then good on him he can save and buy his own place to leave to his children in the future.[/quote]
Not a cocklodger, more like a temporary house guest

Starseeking · 08/10/2021 20:08

I wouldn't ever entangle finances with someone who had gone bankrupt in the past, no matter what the backstory. It really is a last resort, and shouldn't be taken lightly.

If you are all happy for him to move in, I'd charge him half bills and half the going rate for renting a room in your area, then in a few years he can buy a small flat as his pension. You keep your house for you and in time, your DC (I'll be doing the same with mine following my recent relationship breakdown).

Xenia · 08/10/2021 20:14

I wouldn't move a bankrupt in. Just seem him a few days a week.

scoobydoo1971 · 08/10/2021 20:39

I am a similar age to you. I own outright, have financial independence and have inherited a 7 figure fortune in recent years. I have children to protect, and a history of previous aspiring gold diggers who have made me cynical. My boyfriend rents and does not seem to have significant assets, given his years in the workforce. We have a nice relationship which is fun, but there is no chance I will ever live with him, marry him or let him borrow significant sums of money. I don't think he cares either way, but if he pushed these issues then I would end the relationship. When someone becomes bankrupt, their credit rating is poor and much of their debt is wiped out. You have to ask yourself if you want to be in a serious relationship with a man who is not financially stable, or finds unaffordable debt leading to bankruptcy to be acceptable. It would be a deal breaker for me, and I would worry that I was being used for money given how difficult it can be to borrow after a bankruptcy. If you move him in, you risk him making a claim over your property in the future, or debt collectors door knocking a lot. There have been many court cases about this, and the law may change in the future to give live-in partners equal rights to married couples. Please seek legal advice based on your personal circumstances.

PolarSmile · 08/10/2021 23:39

If he moves in then it should be as a lodger and yes,he should pay the going lodger rate. Anything less and he's freeloading from you.

ChargingBuck · 08/10/2021 23:49

My priority are my children's inheritance and never being burned again financially.

So don't fuck it up by getting into ANY financial arrangements with a bankrupt.

Especially one who tells you he is going to save £60k in 5 years.

He's either lying - future faking because you're a good prospect - or he's telling the truth.
The truth is far worse. I wonder how his creditors would feel, if they knew he was able to put £1k of un-needed income aside every month?

ChargingBuck · 09/10/2021 00:00

@whatplanetare

He went bankrupt when Divorcing. He and his exw were caught in the economic boom and got a massive mortgage, when it came to divorce they did not agree on repayments and many other financial affairs so his only Option was to declare bankruptcy. It was the final option and lowest point for him. He has paid his dues now and is ready to restart. His exw meanwhile refused to pay the mortgage on their home whilst living there for years and has now been threatened with Eviction.

Right.

So it's his ex wife's fault ... but he's the one that went bankrupt?

Were there children from this marriage? Maybe his ex couldn't pay the mortgage because he wasn't paying any maintenance.
If there were no children, it's odd that he was able to go bankrupt when he had a house to sell.

People don't generally go bankrupt because they can't reach a financial settlement in their divorce. That's what the legal system is for.
Something doesn't add up - I'd keep this man for fun OP, & not risk any financial entanglements with him.

Whatonearth07957 · 09/10/2021 17:13

Cohabitation agreement. Payments for rent and utilities in black and white. Your assets ringfenced. Don't marry.

user1493494961 · 09/10/2021 17:33

So he declared bankruptcy but will supposedly have £60,000 saved in 5 years time! Run a mile Op.

DrSbaitso · 09/10/2021 18:16

Do you have to live together? You say you want to buy a house together but then that you don't want him having a claim on your home. Any reason you can't continue to live separately?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2021 18:23

He's going to be rent free for 5 years before moving in with you? Why would he then move in with you and have to pay half the mortgage on a house he'll never have rights to?

How old are the kids? Could you sell, split the money between the kids and some into savings and move into his place? Or rent yours out?

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