Boyfriend won't delete girls on social media

[lola1987]

Hi I'm new on here but desperate for some advice so please be kind!
I've been with my bf for 6 months but just noticed he had loads of women friends on his social media that he doesn't know, but are the sort of girls that are not the kind you'd feel comfortable with your boyfriend having on there. Eg. Big Boobs on display in underwear, bum out and very sexual pics on their profiles, even some with links to their 'only fans'. I confronted him and asked that he unfriended any girls that he doesn't actually know, and he admitted that he doesn't know them. However, he refuses to delete them saying he won't be dictated to and won't delete them as he's had them on there for years. I had noticed that sometimes he spends hours upon hours active on Facebook till the early hours of the morning and I think this is really suspicious behaviour and said I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't consider my feelings. Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

Whilst he sounds a bit vile with all the wank material friends - you sound insecure and maybe not ready for a relationship? Have you come from a relationship that had issues around this?

ive been with my chap 6 years. Never looked at who each other is connected to or chatting to online. We dont feel the need as we trust each other.

I'm in love with him if they are genuine female friends no problem but when I asked he said he didn't know which I find strange you would know who your adding on social media

I'd be deleting HIM in this case.

Onwards and upwards, he's a classic sleaze with no respect for you.

Oh probably best but it's not easy when you love someone

Move on. He's clearly not life partner material.

You’ve had some good advice here OP, I hope you follow it.

He doesn’t respect you, how can he when he doesn’t think women are worthy of his respect at all.

I am agonising over this please some good advice
I've been called jealous many times over this
I don't have a issue with genuine female friends on his social media but I do random ones and this is a guy who says loves me and wants me and wants to marry me

As the lady said so succinctly.

Irrespective of how he sees the bimbos, he's up all night on FB like a 13 yr old.

Dump him and find a man who loves you.

Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

No, yes, yes.

You found out your b/f has a crass habit which upsets you & makes you think less of him.
He disagrees, & clearly values his crass habit above the pleasure of your company.

Instead of entrenching, & wasting time on trying to change him - you changed yourself - ie your relationship to him.

Bloody well done.
It's so depressing seeing endless threads about pornhounds from OP's who have wasted years trying to change a crass man who doesn't deserve them. Delighted you are not one of them!

Congratulate yourself on your wisdom in only losing 6 months to your charmless fucker ex, & give yourself a lovely celebration activity this weekend.

But the thing that's hurt the most is that he knew how upset it made me and still refused and it left me wondering why he'd prioritise them over me if he doesn't even know them.

Hey - let go of the hurt.

He didn't do this knowing how it upset you.
He did it TO upset you. It was a subtle form of negging. "These are the busty, pouty stereotypical objects I expect to be pleased by. Make sure you match my expectations, or I'll run off with one of them."

^^

He's also tried turning it onto me saying that people are laughing at me because I'm being so pathetic x

He's lying!
He's as transparent as a child - "and all my friends say so too, so ner!"

Run for the hills… if he’s like this now. Lord help you in a few years!

i am in love with him i told him how i felt and he called me nuts over the social media thing then he said he was blocking me as for the best
i can not stop crying

It's up to him who he has on social media, but I can see why you feel suspicious. Even if he did delete the 'girls', that wouldn't make him trustworthy.

Well, any man who has these sorts of connections on his facebook is a bit suspect in the first place frankly. Time to move on and consider yourself lucky you've only wasted 6 months.

it is up to him who he has on social media no problem if genuine friends but random ones he claims to love me but i am not even on his social media not even FB

Don't waste any more of your time on this bloke, he has no respect for your feelings whatever, and clearly views women as sex objects to be leered at.

are you the op??

op? i am new on here

You can't dictate but you can end it.

This one isn't a keeper. He's a sexist who likes to keep a lot of free wank fodder always available. And he sounds a bit mean.

Throw him back.

i told him that he just laughed called me jealous and nuts and was blocking me as for the best i can not stop crying

I thought you'd already ditched him?

Anyway ... deep breaths - your upset will pass.
Seriously - how can you be "in love" with this tosser?
He's a sleazy little man who pervs over semi-clad strangers, & when he realises how much you dislike it, deliberately rams it in your face until you naturally become upset - & then he rams you upset in your face too, to belittle & control you.

He loves thinking you are 'jealous'. I don't think you are. I think you are disgusted.

Those are 2 very separate emotions. When you have some time, spend it thinking that one through.
You don't want to be like those ridiculously posed caricatures of women.
Of course it's distressing to learn that he rates them.

That is not a decent man. Not the man you hoped he might be. Therefore - you do not love him. You were in love with the idea of him.

Let that idea go - it's not real.

I would leave him OP, you deserve better.

You can’t force him to delete them but I don’t think you’re unreasonable to wish he didn’t follow these women.

I’m not insecure if a partner found other women attractive (that’s normal) but would find it very off putting if they felt the need to like/follow those types of accounts. It comes across a bit desperate and sleazy

What he's doing is not OK in my book. There is a BIG difference between following celebrities, which everyone does, or people you known and finding them attractive. But random women you dont even know? He shouldn't be broadcasting it for the world to see when in a relationship. Huge deal breaker for me, and makes me see the guy as sleazy and overly thinks-with-dick.

I find other men attractive, but I don't thirst on social media after them because it's disrespectful