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Original poster

Husband went to a stripclub and I cant stop feeling like it was cheating!

63 replies

MamaFGC · 05/10/2021 14:57

So my husband went on a stag do on Saturday, they all went into a strip club which I knew was happening but he said he wouldn't be getting a private dance. However on Sunday he admitted he did infact pay for a private dance.
Im currently 8 months pregnant, suffering from HG and being very poorly with this pregnancy. I feel very insecure. Not in how I look or our relationship but just with anxiety that I am failing and draining the life out of us all.
Now I dont know if this is contributing to it or not but I feel like paying for a woman to slap her vagina in his face is cheating. I never expected it to feel like this, my ex went to a strip club before and it didnt effect me at all.

Am I wrong for viewing it like this? How do I get over it and move passed it? My husband is very apologetic and didnt think I would view it like this.

OP posts:

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 05/10/2021 17:51

I think I would feel the same as you.
But since you said you didn't have a problem with your ex did your husband think you were quite laid back about this kind of thing?

Im also pregnant and I think with all the hormones going around my body I'd feel extra shit.
I wouldn't care if my husband went to a strip club but I would be pissed if he paid for a dance.
It's done now though, what do you want to do about it?

MopaniTree · 05/10/2021 17:51

I can totally understand how you feel, especially being pregnant. It's all just so sleazy and unnecessary.

Morgan12 · 05/10/2021 17:57

If money hadn't been exchanged it would 100% be considered cheating. No difference imo.

potter5 · 05/10/2021 18:03

I asked my husband what he thought and he said it was disrespecting the mother who is carrying his child. I agree.

baileys6904 · 05/10/2021 18:06

Did he know that this was important to you? If he thought he had the green light to go, did he know what your boundaries were or have you since changed your mind.
If he deliberately went against your wishes, that's one thing. If it wasn't deliberate, only you can decide your feeling and repercussions.

However strip clubs, private dances don't particularly bother me. However my partner is a home body and they wouldnt be a thing. Has he been in a strip club in the past? Probably. I have no interest in knowing.

Also, a lot of girls are making a lot of money from places like this. Look at onky fans to see many woman are making a shit ton of money flashing tits for cash. Its not something I'd do, but there are a lot of jobs I wouldn't do.
Also there are a lot of pearl clutchers that think nothing of going to male strippers, or 'liberating themselves sexually'. It's apparently a positive thing for women. Again, it's not my cup of tea, but to me, you can't judge one gender, without judging the other. Only you can decide what your next step is, but don't feel pressured by what you read here

RightOnTheEdge · 05/10/2021 18:12

I would feel like a private dance was cheating too.
It would be crossing the line for me. I couldn't forgive it.

Pinkbonbon · 05/10/2021 18:15

Private dance is cheating.
I'd be done.

DismantledKing · 05/10/2021 18:16

I’ve a very, very low opinion of men that attend strip clubs.

TonkinLenkicks · 05/10/2021 18:21

I had HG and it is the worst. I would class it as a betrayal, not just that but a woman with a HG pregnancy needs no stress, no drama and lots of support. I’d feel the same as you. What a pig.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2021 18:24

DH knows that a private dance is cheating on my book.

With a side order of objectification of sometimes vulnerable, exploited women.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 05/10/2021 18:26

Sounds like if he’d have said he was going to get a private dance, you would have said no. If he had then gone on to do it anyway, well he has no argument then.

Saying he wouldnt and doing it anyway means he can say he didnt think youd be upset and just apologise.

What do they say, it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 05/10/2021 18:29

@LorenzoVonMatterhorn

Sounds like if he’d have said he was going to get a private dance, you would have said no. If he had then gone on to do it anyway, well he has no argument then.

Saying he wouldnt and doing it anyway means he can say he didnt think youd be upset and just apologise.

What do they say, it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

‘....beg forgiveness than ask permission’? Stuff that. Pretty much tells him to do whatever he likes so longs as he says sorry afterwards, pretty shabby basis for a marriage or relationship IMO.

IrishMel · 05/10/2021 18:30

Just feel the same as the other women have posted here. He said he would not get a private dance and he did. It is all the more difficult for you as you are pregnant and unwell and feeling crap and he broke the trust. I would not be happy with a partner going to a strip club full stop. Is he sorry about the dance or sorry he hurt you. Just talk to him and see what he says. Difficult as you are pregnant and having to deal with this crap.

reader12 · 05/10/2021 18:30

I’d be pissed off and grossed out and definitely think less of him for doing it. But I wouldn’t end a relationship over it.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 05/10/2021 18:30

I wouldn’t consider it cheating necessarily, but that’s just semantics really. He said he wouldn’t get a private dance, presumably because you would be uncomfortable with it, and then did it anyway. I would find that really disrespectful.
I’m also heavily pregnant and feel like for some reason I would struggle with it much more right now than at any other time, I think this stage of pregnancy just makes you feel so vulnerable and you want to feel loved and supported, not like he’s out looking at other women.
Ultimately we all have different boundaries around this stuff and how you feel about it is up to you.

dworky · 05/10/2021 18:39

I would lose all respect for any man doing that, it's a sure sign they fail to see women as fully human.

Biscuits1 · 05/10/2021 19:03

This happened to me with my DH. I didn't even give him the go ahead to go to a strip club never mind a private dance but I found the receipt for £250!! It was awful. We did work through it though so even though you don't feel like it now, you will get passed this.

romdowa · 05/10/2021 19:12

I'd have been fine with the strip club , bit of a laugh at a stag but the private dance was a step too far, id be livid and I'm 8 months pregnant too. I'd be so hurt , I'd struggle to look at my dp again.

layladomino · 05/10/2021 20:23

Eugh no. Tacky, sleazy and he knew you wouldn't like it but that wasn't as important as paying to get turned on by a stranger.

flyingsauces · 05/10/2021 20:51

What would he have to do for you to consider it to be cheating? I personally can't see how someone stripping and shoving their genitals in your partner's face would not be counted as cheating. If he saw you out with a man's junk in your face what would he say?

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 05/10/2021 20:54

‘....beg forgiveness than ask permission’?
Stuff that. Pretty much tells him to do whatever he likes so longs as he says sorry afterwards, pretty shabby basis for a marriage or relationship IMO. exactly. I think he knew exactly how op would react if he said he was getting one.

fantasmasgoria1 · 05/10/2021 20:57

If my Fiance ever went to a strip club I would end things. When the subject came up a while ago he actually said that his personal view is that they are sleazy and there is no way he would visit one.

Pallisers · 05/10/2021 20:59

As someone said upthread, why is it ok just because he is paying for it.

If you walked into your neighbour's house and she was doing the equivalent of a private dance to your husband for free, it would be quite clear it was cheating.

I'm so sorry OP. I would really struggle to get over this.

milkytwilightt · 05/10/2021 20:59

It would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t want to be with a man that attended strip clubs.

Seesawmummadaw · 05/10/2021 21:02

It’s really disrespectful.

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