Husband has left me will he come back?

[Loolabells]

So my husband has decided he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore and he doesn’t love me. I am devastated by this it seems to have come a bit out of the blue a few weeks ago he told me that he was unhappy and he needed space but now he’s decided to go to stay at his mums.
I really want for him to come back and work on the relationship do you think he will come back?

"Playing devil's advocate, I never understand on threads like these how men get called all sorts for 'abandoning his wife and children'. Maybe there is a ow, maybe not but people are allowed to fall out of love and continue to parent their children"

I think the issue is not that relationships break down - they do.

It is more that on a general level, it is men and not women who, if they find childraising hard (especially in the early years) view their situation as having the "option" to stay or to go. And if they decide to "go" they are not judged in any way like a woman who walks out on her own children. And don't give me the "he will just co-parent from another house" response - anyone who has had a baby knows full well the very full time and full on nature of looking after a baby/toddler (and in other ways older children). Having your child for x days per week (unless it is absolutely 50% of the time and no less) is NOT accepting your responsibilities as a parent. What it is is someone who decides they have "options" like "I prefer living with my mum because she does x y z for me and is not distracted/pre occupied with a baby" or (more likely) "I prefer living with my mum because I can see my secret OW when I like and my OW does not have a baby/is not distracted by my baby and so can give MMMEEEE all the attention" etc

I’m so sorry OP. I’ve been exactly where you are.

My then husband announced that he wasn’t happy & left. He could offer no explanation and I was completely blindsided plus I’d recently given birth to our DC.

Like you I blamed myself, didn’t

@Loolabells

He’s said previously that he finds it hard sometimes that when he comes home from work helping with DS and the house is too much. Yeah I have lots of family and friend support but don’t want to tell people as it makes it feel more real for me

Sounds like he wants to stop being a parent and and adult. It’s too much for him to do his fair share but it’s fine for you to be left to do it on your own. He sounds selfish.

If I was you my concern if he came back would be that I would be on constant tender hooks waiting for him to leave again.

Sorry hit send by mistake! I lived in a fog, everyone asking why he’d left but I had no answers. It was very tough. Two weeks later a third party let me know that he’d been having an affair. Essentially he’d left to be with her but didn’t have the balls to tell me. Ironically it would have made it easier if he’d been honest in the first place. He denied it until there was firm proof.

I filed for divorce and although very hard, I’m so much happier now and I don’t regret it.

I wish you the best OP. Hold on to the fact that it does get easier.

In my professional experience, he probably will.
You are in an awful position: you have been left behind and you do not know the reason.
He is probably tired, fantasizing a different life...whatever this may mean to him.
Try ( and I know how hard this is) to look at the most important person in this: you.

He left.

Whatever the reason, he did not stay. No fight, no trial, no confrontation.

If someone goes away they make you feel powerless. You are left with no voice. Behind.

What love is there in this behaviour? What love was there?
What care for you?

Do you want to stay?
And if so, what are the conditions and what the consequences?

This is not your fault. Please don’t waste time wondering what you have done wrong. There is no excuse for not trying to talk and communicate about a relationship, seeking help with professionals, when you have children (they must always come first), this is clearly something he has not done. This is on him and it’s a horrible thing to do to your wife and small child. You will need support please seek some out.

"This is not your fault. Please don’t waste time wondering what you have done wrong. There is no excuse for not trying to talk and communicate about a relationship, seeking help with professionals, when you have children (they must always come first), this is clearly something he has not done. This is on him and it’s a horrible thing to do to your wife and small child. You will need support please seek some out."

This with bells on. The early years of parenting are extremely hard work and parents of young children spend an awful lot of time very tired and rather strung-out - does he imagine everyone else finds it easy? And the early years of parenting are very tough on relationships. Sounds like he's just not up to the job and he's finding excuses to run away. How old is he? He sounds very immature.

So sorry to hear this as this is so hard when you have a little one. Do not beg or even make contact. Let him see you are doing well and get out and about walking every day with your child, it will help clear your head and make you feel good. Talk to friends and keep busy. You did nothing wrong. He should have the decency to talk it though with you but if he did not he is a coward. Use this time to think what do you want. How can you live with anxiety if he did come back that he could just take off when things got too much for him. Look after yourself.

He’s 28 and I am 26! I am looking to have some support from counselling

@Pollypocket89

Playing devil's advocate, I never understand on threads like these how men get called all sorts for 'abandoning his wife and children'. Maybe there is a ow, maybe not but people are allowed to fall out of love and continue to parent their children

I hope you're OK, op

Because there's also something called putting kids first and accepting responsibility!

Very convenient that they fall out of love during the first year of parenting which is undeniably hard (even moreso on the mum) and attention is no longer on them.

Issue we have is this "fall out of love" nonsense. We're not all 15 and in a high school romance which is how people treat marriage these days!