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Original poster

Am I being mean?

36 replies

MrsSnape · 07/12/2007 18:13

My kids go to their dads once a fortnight (saturday night) and I look foward to this time to have a break from them and especially a rest from my youngest who has ADHD.

Anyway, I also suffer from insomnia so hardly ever get a proper nights sleep so I especially look foward to these weekends so I can have a lie in and catch up on sleep on the sunday morning.

I was really looking foward to this weekend as its been a long fortnight and I'm knackered...the stress of christmas makes the insomnia worse too.

However, saturday morning we have a hair appointment for 9am so we'll need to be up early again. I thought "never mind, I still have my sunday" and then my mum phoned and said she'll be dropping something off here on sunday morning...with them this could mean anything from 8am to 10am but more than likely as early as possible.

Thing is they do this all the time, sometimes on purpose as they think its funny to get me out of bed or they'll phone at 7am on sunday morning or something and say "oh sorry, you still in bed?"

I know it probably sounds like I'm a lazy cow but I'm a single parent, my youngest son runs me ragged all week, we have a long walk to school every morning and everynight, karate 3 times a week (again long walks involved here) and this week its been carol concerts, karate gradings, family visitings and everything else and I just want a rest and begrudge having to get up so early on the one day that I could have a lie in.

Its like the odd occasion that I have a night out, my mum has the kids but will bring them back at 7am or something saying they're on their way to market knowing full well that I'd have been drinking the night before and wouldnt be rearing to go at 7am.

Last weekend the kids were at their dads they came around at 8am on sunday morning to drop something off for christmas, then came back at 10am for something else...

Am I being reasonable wanting sundays to myself or am I just being a lazy cow? be honest...I can take it lol

OP posts:
coppertop · 07/12/2007 18:16

Finances permitting I'd be tempted to book a night away somewhere and let them hammer on your front door all they like.

ItCameUponAMidnightClara · 07/12/2007 18:17

You are not being mean or unreasonable.

Everyone needs a break - can you not explain to your mum that you really need some peace on Sunday and could she come a bit later? Or are you able to go and collect it?

I'm the sort to ignore the phone/door though, I believe that hearing a ringing phone is not an obligation to answer it, and being inside a house is not an obligation to answer the door!

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 07/12/2007 18:18

NOT a lazy cow! Children are knackering, especially for single parents.. and children with ADHD are far more so!

ASK them to show some consideration for your rare opportunities to catch up on a bit of sleep, reminding them about your imsomnia in the same sentence!

collision · 07/12/2007 18:18

go to a travelodge. cheap as chips and you can watch tv in bed all morning!

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 07/12/2007 18:19

Clara, I have taught myself to be more like that. I ignore the phone often thinking "if it's an emergency, they'll have my mobile and they'll try that next.."

constancereader · 07/12/2007 18:19

Can't you just tell them you want a lie in? It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You do NOT sound lazy at all, quite the reverse in fact. Tell them not to come round so early.

Elizabetth · 07/12/2007 18:21

No you're not being mean or lazy. That's a bizarre way for your Mum to behave - almost cruel I would say. No wonder you have insomnia with people interfering with your sleep.

I second the Travellodge or B&B suggestion.

BeeWiseMen · 07/12/2007 18:22

they think it's funny to take away their insomniac, lone parent daughter's once a fortnight chance to have a lie-in? What is wrong with them?

I'd phone them tonight and tell them straight you're having a really hard time, are exhausted and absolutely need to be left in peace on sunday. If they ignore that then I;d be tempted to chuck a bucket of cold water over them from your bedroom window.

Do you think it's possible they just don;t realise how much you need this? Or is this part of a pattern of thinking it's funny to distress you.

ItCameUponAMidnightClara · 07/12/2007 18:28

Exactly, Shiny. It helps when the people who would be likely to contact you in an emergency know what you are like and so would call on redial or mobile until I answer.

A Travellodge is a great idea, especially if worrying about them coming round so early will make your night's sleep even worse.

BroccoliSpears · 07/12/2007 18:31

No, I think that sleep is important. We need enough sleep to fight another day. I'd be inclined to be devious in your situation. Take the phone off the hook. Disconnect the doorbell. Tell your parents you will be staying at a friend's or at a hotel and won't be back until 10.30.

yomellamoHelly · 07/12/2007 18:40

Ditto what everyone else has said. Do you think she does it deliberately because on those days she has your undivided attention rather than having to share with you with your boys? Would a few toddler tactics help?

Original poster
MrsSnape · 07/12/2007 19:18

I'm not really sure why they do it to be honest. I think a lot of the times it's my step dad that insists on coming here so early. He makes out that its harmless fun but he's a very manipulative person and I'm sure he does it to be cruel.

For instance last time it was him that suggested dropping something off at 8am and I could hear my mum saying "she'll be in bed..." in a 'we shouldn't be doing this' kind of voice and he was laughing.

The phone calls really get me, 7am on a sunday morning "oh sorry, you still in bed?" and she knows full well I will be. What makes it worse is that I suffer from migraine/tension headaches and the slightest interfience with sleep (just as the phone waking me) will give me headache for days.

I know they're always up and about early so maybe they just dont realise that not everyone is the same but it annoys me.

Can't really afford travel-lodge at the moment, being skint is another thing adding to my stress.

OP posts:
warthog · 07/12/2007 19:23

how about taking the phone off the hook?

can you stay over at a friend?

i think you have to end this by make it not worth their while. like not answer the door for at least 30 mins. use earplugs - horrible at first but you get used to them. try to thwart them at every turn!

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 07/12/2007 19:41

Call them at 3am every morning to talk to your stepdad, then tell him 'oh, sorry were you in bed'
Prick.
Of course you're not being mean.
Say you're staying at a friends house.

Katisha · 07/12/2007 19:43

Can you say you'll be staying over at a friend's house this Sat night? Even though you're not? It does seem mean to do this to you on a sunday morning.

nametaken · 07/12/2007 19:45

I would definately do the 3am phone call "oh sorry were you asleep" trick. And then again at 3.30 when they were just nodding back off. And then again at 4am ................

you get my drift.

You'll only have to do it once or twice and I guarantee your problem will be solved. Unplug your own phone of course and DO NOT answer the door to them before 10am.

Pages · 08/12/2007 13:25

ARE YOU KIDDING? Your mother is the selfish, unreasonable one. I would tell her to stay away, and failing that take the phone off the hook and remove the doorbell.

What an unsupportive mother.

Pages · 08/12/2007 13:27

Ps - me too Clara. I never answer the phone unless I actually want to.

moondog · 08/12/2007 13:28

God,how fucking mean and petty the lot of them sound. Poor you!

Unplug the phone and ignore the door.
I always do.

Pages · 08/12/2007 13:28

Do the know you suffer from insomnia? Do they actually care about you?

Original poster
MrsSnape · 08/12/2007 14:03

I have told my mum about the insomnia but she's very ignorent about stuff like that, it goes in one ear and out the other...she assumes it means it just takes me longer than normal to get to sleep.

It's just a big joke to them, after coming here they will go to my grandma's and say something like "we just got mrssnape out of bed hehe" and my grandmother would reply with "oh dear" etc...

I dont think they do it to be mean, they just don't realise how much it gets to me and I think they think I'm being lazy.

Like a couple of weeks ago I had been all round town christmas shopping on the saturday which had given me a huge migraine, I went to bed on the night with a thumping headache at around 10pm...the last time I remembered checking the time it was 4am...then a few hours later I was "woken" from a half sleep (which is worse that a normal sleep) by my son with the phone in his hand. Sunday morning...9.15am...my mum "what you doing still in bed at this time???"

OP posts:
Acinonyx · 08/12/2007 14:08

That is totally unreasonable - can't you just say NO - don't come in the morning? I would definitley take the phone off the hook and not answer the door (you could warn your ex so that they know then you don't have to worry about them trying to reach you). Definitely agree that they are being selfish and insensitive. It doesn't really matter why you need to sleep in - it's your right if you want to!

CarGirl · 08/12/2007 14:10

honestly unplug the phone & disconnect the door bell and tell them I do not wish to be disturbed before lunch time, I have got tons to do before the dc get home and I want to be alone.

You are not selfish or lazy. The next time they do phone and disturb tell them something like "trying to get some sleep, I'm unwell and up have been up half the night"

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 08/12/2007 14:22

Can you not go to them on Saturday and collect whatever it is yourself? Then there is no need for them to come to you.

You are not being mean. Your parents sound incredibly selfish and cruel.

If you can't do this, definitely tell them that you will be staying elsewhere overnight. And switch your mobile off as well!

scrummyfairyontopofthetree · 08/12/2007 14:22

No you are not being mean or lazy. It is your weekend off and you deserve to do want you want.

Here Here Broccoli that is just the sort of thing that MrsSnape should do.