Ever breakup with your group of friends??

[neverornow]

Did you ever break up with your group of friends? Did you feel like you were grieving and dealing with rejection all at the same time? I have other friends and a busy family life but the void feels huge. They were my core ‘clique’ and we go back 20+ years.

Social media doesn’t help. I’ve just muted them all. Seeing the girls night out pictures is like taking a bullet. Plus I think they’re upping the ante with lovey dovey comments to each other lately aswell.

Any advice on how to move on once and for all? This has been brewing for a few years. I think I've even posted about it on here before.
I invested far too much over the years. It was 100% the right thing to have walked away but I just can’t seem to move on properly. Not seeing their interactions on social media will help hopefully. I got over an ex boyfriend quicker than this fgs!

Will someone give me a good virtual shake and help me cop myself on please LOL

It happened to me one friend decided against me and the others follow suit like another poster one who I was close to completely ignores me now. She has no idea what the other friend says about her or her kids but I haven’t let on . It’s about 4 years now and I have finally started to move on but for 2 or more years it was like a bereavement ... so I feel your pain

I too could have written your OP. It is one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever dealt with, even worse than the breakup of my 20 year relationship.

There was a long build up, and I could feel the toxicity getting worse. The queen bee sniped at and belittled me for being a SAHM amongst other things. I snapped one day and that was the end of it. Not one of my supposed friends had my back and it did make me question myself. Was I a bad person, was it all me, should I have just kept my mouth shut?

Like you I was consumed with grief, hurt and anger, it's taken a long time to get past it.

A couple of the group did try to reach out about 6 months after but by that point I had realised that they had stuck together more than likely out of fear of being the next one to be expelled from the group.
The hurt I felt had built a massive barrier and it is still there to a degree.
I knew I would never be able to be friends with anyone who could so easily sit in the sidelines and offer no support/loyalty.

I'm unlikely to make any other friends at this point but in away I'm ok with this.
I'm one of those people that can very easily chat with a stranger and end up with their life story, people seem to open up to me very easily. And being an introvert I find that I get enough human connection this way, and between family and work colleagues, I need to recoup.
Big healing hugs to you, it is hard but know that your not alone!

I have, still not entirely over it, it feels like a situation that you cannot talk to freely with other people about it somehow. Don't feel I ever will make friends with anyone again.

Thank you for sharing all your stories. I still feel very hurt about my situation and I think about it most of the time. It’s draining and I feel like I’m obsessed with it. I’m scared I won’t have a group of friends again. I have a few close friends that are 1to1 but no other group of friends. I wish I could just switch my brain of from it. Any tips on how I can do that? 💐

Gosh I asked that question maybe 2 years ago no answer stands out. I felt almost obsessed by it too and would think about it and talk about it incessantly. I guess it’s a process. One thing I try to do is tell myself that I’m wasting all this energy and they probably haven’t given me a second thought or how what they did effected me. It’s so hard not to give them headspace. You can’t control their behaviour only your reaction to it and they are just not going to be worth it. Easier said than done. :-(

Oh wow so sorry I feel your pain but you are probably too good for them even though it hurts.

Yes I've been edged out of a friendship group as I had the audacity to ask a mutual friend if they knew if our friend was definitely going out with my other friend's husband!!

For that I am out of the group and yes my friend ran off with my other friends husband but she's still good in the group!!

I really do not understand it!! Any ideas?

@pheonixrebirth - thank you

@Pollyrightnow you must read @WorkHardPlayHard1 reply - we are too good for them. It's true. That's why we walked away. Remember that when you find yourself thinking about them. It actually makes no sense at all when you think about it - to be hurting about losing people that we know are toxic and no good for us. We should be glad and rejoicing!

That or do what I did the other day when I started ruminating (again) and look up holidays to the Maldives. I have no intentions of ever going, could never afford it, but it took my mind off it all. Try find a 'happy place' like that in your mind to switch your thoughts to?

Just gotta try full the void. I'm looking into group exercise classes and running groups even though I fucking hate exercise but I need to get myself out there and get my confidence back and these seem like the only real options available at the moment. I might try an evening course next year. We seem to have some affordable evening courses in my local uni...it doesn't matter that the subject is...anything at all will do once there's people there lol!

Oh yes exercise is a great answer I forgot I took up a sport and now have lots of casual people I say hi to or play a game with . Definitely helped but I won’t be getting close that’s for sure once bitten and all that :-)