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Original poster

Discovered brother-in-law's porn

36 replies

lascar · 04/10/2021 18:54

I was babysitting my niece (7) and nephew (9) who had to use their Dad's computer to do their homework. We couldn't find the login so my nephew clicked on the Opera browser icon to see if would work on a different browser. When we did so about 1001 porn windows opened up, plus a chaturbate screen (indicating he was using porn webcams). They laughed in shock, I quickly grabbed the machine and closed everything down. Now I don't know what to do. He's a nice guy, my sister says they often fight because he wants more sex and she's tired. I sense the best thing is to say nothing, but it was very easy to find and it seems my niece and nephew often use this computer. What should I do???

Thanks.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 04/10/2021 18:56

Tell your sister - that was very very inappropriate for the DC.

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 18:56

I should also say he isn't British and doesn't know how to use computers very well - though it seems he knows how to use them well enough for his porn interests! But perhaps not well enough to close everything down. I don't know.

OP posts:
Donutdisaster · 04/10/2021 18:57

Of course he knows how to use computers!! Jesus, the evidence is there!!

Donutdisaster · 04/10/2021 18:58

What's Not Being British got anything to do with it?

RaisedByPangolins · 04/10/2021 18:58

He’s perfectly entitled to look at whatever he likes as part of his sex life. Whatever windows are popping up aren’t necessarily indicative of what he’s been doing, they could be pop ups or spam etc so don’t go jumping to conclusions after seeing a momentary glance at a screen.

If you have his number I’d just say factually that you were helping the kids with their homework and some unsavoury windows popped up, thought you should let him know that they’ve seen it in case they ask any awkward questions.

If you don’t feel like you can say that to him directly then maybe say it to your sister. It’s not fair on young kids to be exposed to that stuff and especially when you’re looking after them you don’t want them saying “I saw the naked ladies when lascar was here” or something. From a safeguarding POV somebody should be told so that they’re more aware of not leaving tabs open.

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 18:59

@PersonaNonGarter Thank you. I know you're right.

OP posts:
fidgetmad · 04/10/2021 19:00

The bit that worries me is that a 7 year old girl sees it and laughs in shock.....

I have a 7 yr old dd who would have no idea what she was looking at and is more likely to be totally confused and ask what it is rather than laughing. I can imagine 101 questions, confusion, disgust......but a 7 year old laughing with shock? Sounds like she's More familiar with seeing this than I'd expect of a 7 year old girl.

Maybe I'm far too naive

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:00

@Donutdisaster Because he didn't grow up with computers and only started using them in the past few years, hence his clumsiness with them perhaps.

OP posts:
Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:03

@RaisedByPangolins Thank you. Very sensible.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/10/2021 19:03

@fidgetmad

The bit that worries me is that a 7 year old girl sees it and laughs in shock.....

I have a 7 yr old dd who would have no idea what she was looking at and is more likely to be totally confused and ask what it is rather than laughing. I can imagine 101 questions, confusion, disgust......but a 7 year old laughing with shock? Sounds like she's More familiar with seeing this than I'd expect of a 7 year old girl.

Maybe I'm far too naive

Absolutely this. Really worrying that she wasn't completely confused by it.
IWantT0BreakFree · 04/10/2021 19:03

I'd speak with your sister. The fact that there are very young children who are not being protected from extremely graphic sexual material is not OK. Your BIL clearly is not willing or able to adequately protect them, so you need to notify their other parent who can then take steps to keep them safe. She also needs to know in case either of them mention it at school. I would be incandescent if I found out my kids had been exposed to this and I had been kept in the dark about such a serious issue.

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:06

@IWantT0BreakFree Thank you.

OP posts:
Thissucksmonkeynuts · 04/10/2021 19:08

How would a 7 or 8 year old know this is something to laugh at?
I hope your sister is aware that cohesion to have sex is a criminal offence?

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:08

Thank you all. I know you're right. I'm babysitting their kids because they've gone for the night to a hotel to celebrate their wedding anniversary, so the timing isn't great for telling my sis, but I know I have to.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 04/10/2021 19:08

😂 British men… are they better at viewing pornhub incognito unlike for example Albanian or Namibian men?
Where’s he from?? The Land of 1001 Porn Tabs?
Right, joking aside… your sister is in a terrible relationship (I think this is obvious), so I’d tell her what happened and prepare to help her leave this loser. What’s in it for her and the children? It’s terrible that the children saw this.

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:11

They didn't see it for very long and what they first saw was a sex cartoon, hence the surprise & laughing. I saw the worse stuff.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 04/10/2021 19:13

I’m sorry to joke OP. I’m in an incredibly bitter place… I’m mid-divorce from a porn addict who is an IT lead for the NHS… sorry ‘was’. So he’s a computer wiz AND an enormous cleft asshole.
Be there for your sis. She needs to get the flock out of there. Flowers

Blindleadingtheblind · 04/10/2021 19:14

Grim. I think your sis deserves to know, kids should not have access to that kind of content so easily especially if the computer is used for homework purposes.

NatashaRf · 04/10/2021 19:16

@lascar

They didn't see it for very long and what they first saw was a sex cartoon, hence the surprise & laughing. I saw the worse stuff.
Even a sex cartoon isn't something children should find amusing. It would upset/worry mine.

I agree their reaction is very concerning

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:16

@TheVanguardSix All best wishes. Sorry you are going through this and well done for being free now.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 04/10/2021 19:18

You need to let your sister know that her children were able to easily access porn on the laptop. Whether she's bothered that her husband watches it is no one else's business, maybe she doesn't mind.
But her children being exposed is not right.

DriftingBlue · 04/10/2021 19:19

You have to mention it to your sister. The issue of porn is solely between her and her husband. However, it being on a computer for the children to see is entirely different. It’s also extremely easy to avoid. The problem could be solved by having multiple user profiles on the machine.

JustLyra · 04/10/2021 19:26

You need to mention it to your sister. Mostly because it's something she needs to know - the children shouldn't have been exposed to that.

However, you also need to tell her in case the children tell her (her trust in you will be damaged if you don't) and in case the children mention it to anyone else.

Imagine if the school mention it to your sister because one of the children mentions it and she's caught totally unawares!

silkience · 04/10/2021 19:26

I have a 7 yr old dd who would have no idea what she was looking at and is more likely to be totally confused and ask what it is rather than laughing. I can imagine 101 questions, confusion, disgust......but a 7 year old laughing with shock? Sounds like she's More familiar with seeing this than I'd expect of a 7 year old girl

you're overthinking this part a bit. Adult nudity....penis on show, big fake breasts, laughing in shock is a normal reaction for a 7-year.

My personal opinion? It's vile that he enjoys watching women being degraded, with no concern for whether they have been trafficked or co-erced into it and It's shocking that he left it open on a family PC where his kids could access it

Original poster
lascar · 04/10/2021 19:29

Thank you all. You are very sensible and all correct. I don't want to tell her but I have to. Thank you.

OP posts: