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Original poster

Can you really be connected unconsciously, this a bit silly and woo

39 replies

1001nights · 04/10/2021 01:05

I am 40 next year and I am married.

I met my first love and boyfriend at school when I was 14 and we were together until I was 19 (he was a year older)

He is married too.

We haven’t seen each other in around 17 years.

I started dreaming about him regularly a few years ago. Vividly and lucidly. It would happen for a few days at a time and was very very intensely real.

And then out of the blue he contacted me on social media.

To make a long story short, this keeps happening. He tells me he can’t stop thinking about me. I laugh it off. I don’t feel that way but in my dreams he is always there. And then I stop the dreams. Then they come again for a few nights and bam I wake up and there is a message from him.

Please let me be clear, I am not looking for a reason or justification to start something. I ignore the messages mostly. But it is starting to feel oddly strange that we don’t actually talk but after a few nights of dreams every few months he will message me to say hello.

What the actual f.

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 04/10/2021 01:15

Silly and woo.

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 04/10/2021 01:16

It's just middle age and considering passed life choices. You're both doing it at the same time because you're simular ages/stages

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 04/10/2021 01:16

Similar...

Original poster
1001nights · 04/10/2021 01:17

Yeah I know. Just feels odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
1001nights · 04/10/2021 01:19

Sorry that was in response to the silly and woo comment.

Yes I agree, we are both at that age where we are thinking about our younger lives. The only thing that freaks me out is that it’s very rare he contacts me and then the dreams start and it’s like 3,2 1... months and months apart

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 04/10/2021 01:26

Maybe they are a warning alarm. The guy is married and giving it 'I can't stop thinking thinking you' - he is a dickhead.

Hen2018 · 04/10/2021 01:36

Somehow I missed the bit about you both being middle aged and married.

Silly and woo and twatty.

Original poster
1001nights · 04/10/2021 01:39

Why am I twatty for talking about something? I haven’t done anything wrong?

OP posts:
Hydrate · 04/10/2021 01:51

I don't believe in woo, but always knew when a certain friend called before picking it up. Weird.

SeaAndTea · 04/10/2021 01:57

The guy is married and giving it 'I can't stop thinking thinking you' - he is a dickhead.

Exactly. He’s not a nice bloke. He’s married but is contacting another woman. He’s after sex and you’re romanticising it. There’s nothing else to it. Men like that will take their chances where they can, occasionally it works for them.
Block this man from your social media, If you’re not happy in your marriage, change something. If you are, stop giving this any thought and get on with your life.

SeaAndTea · 04/10/2021 02:00

I haven’t done anything wrong?

Tell your husband how you’re feeling, show him the messages between the two of you on social media and also show him this this thread. No? Then you are doing something wrong and you need to stop.

Cherryana · 04/10/2021 02:05

Well I have a different perspective and I think we have unseen connections with people. Like invisible threads we can move further or closer away from people and sometimes we never connect again and sometimes we do.

With a romantic relationship, I think the unseen connection is much stronger. Which is why you are experiencing this. BUT I also think you are right to mostly ignore the messages.

Monty27 · 04/10/2021 02:05

More silly than woo.
You're just both going through the same thing about your pasts at the same time. Don't overthink it OP. That could be dangerous grounds.
As romantic as it sounds no don't go there look after the present.

Original poster
1001nights · 04/10/2021 02:07

I have told him. I had dreams and responded to messages from a childhood sweetheart by saying I will always think fondly of you, but don’t be silly. I told my husband I found it weird he messages after I dream about him. I also told him and showed him the messages he sent me as I didn’t want any secretive behaviour.

Why would you presume to know more about a situation than you do? I am not hiding anything. And as I said, I have done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
SeaAndTea · 04/10/2021 02:13

Are you going to show him this thread too? Tell him how much time you’re spending thinking about this? Are you in the UK? If so it’s the middle of the night and you’re up writing posts about another man.

Seriously, you need to forget about him before you fuck up your life. There’s no special bond between you. He’s just a bloke trying his luck.

shamalidacdak · 04/10/2021 02:52

He sounds like a nob but yes psychic cords are a thing google it

Sakurami · 04/10/2021 03:36

That is spooky! The closest that has happened is when I've gone to phone or text a friend I haven't contacted in a while and they message as I'm about to do so.

SpidersAreShitheads · 04/10/2021 03:49

I think I'm reading this thread differently to some of the posters here. I don't think OP is especially fascinated by her ex, but more intrigued by the possibility that such a thing as unseen communication/connection.

He obviously shouldn't be contacting you but you're not engaging and you've shown your DH so I can't see you're doing anything wrong.

As for what's going on, I try to look for obvious explanations. Coincidences do happen, and the brain is also conditioned to look out for them and attach a deeper meaning. Maybe you're dreaming of your ex at other times but you just don't remember it? Maybe keep a diary of your dreams and then see if he really is contacting you each time, or whether it's sporadic. You might see there's less of a pattern if you approach it logically.

All of that aside, I do believe there are things that science can't currently explain so if this really is a definite and repeated pattern then maybe it's a genuine case of woo.

Balonzette · 04/10/2021 13:56

That IS weird. I have no idea why everyone is being so snappy and rude to you OP. Of course you haven't done anything wrong. It's a very strange coincidence. I can't think of any logical reason for it.

Dery · 04/10/2021 14:10

Actually, I think it is possible to pick up that kind of information subconsciously. It happens to me a lot - not just with family and friends but also with colleagues and sometimes with other people too. I do think anyone can do it but some people are more open to it than others.

Many will say that I only notice the occasions when I do think of someone and then hear from them and none of the occasions when it doesn't so there's a big element of confirmation bias. That may be true but I would also say it has happened to me often enough and randomly enough for me to feel pretty sure that at some level some kind of receptor in me is picking up the relevant information.

I think it's all about energy/electricity. It really surprises me that people calmly accept that technology allows them to have real time conversations with someone on the other side of the world through signals bounced off satellites and to watch as a coherent picture on a screen a set of signals which have been scrambled together and sent along a cable or beamed off a satellite (TV etc) but don't believe we humans might also be able to receive information in ways which are not conscious. For me it's all part of the same picture.

WhatMattersMost · 04/10/2021 14:13

As a psychotherapist, I am increasingly of the mind that the unconscious is much more powerful than most of us know or care to admit.

8Sense8 · 04/10/2021 14:22

Yes it's possible for anyone to do this - if they maintain an open mind and calm emotions (easier said than done). It's may be easier to have precognition with someone you have a connection with, as you say, could be a subconscious connection. However, just because this happens does NOT mean you are meant to be together, or that it would necessarily be a healthy relationship to pursue. These are separate things. Hope that helps.

Dery · 04/10/2021 14:37

"However, just because this happens does NOT mean you are meant to be together, or that it would necessarily be a healthy relationship to pursue. These are separate things."

Absolutely this! Some of the people I've had this experience with are people I don't like at all!!!

FinallyFluid · 04/10/2021 14:43

Yes

I hadn't spoken to an ex with whom I had always had a good relationship for over a year, I started having the most horrendous decapitation and all sorts type dreams about him, tracked his brother down in London, he gave me a number.

I called, he was living on the bones of his arse having lost a great job with one of the large employers in Inverness, DH and I supported him by sending food shops until he got together the fare to go home to our home country.

He walked into another job there and I never heard from him again.

Then I remembered why he was an ex. Confused

But the connection was there.

FlorenciaFlora · 04/10/2021 15:13

He’s being really inappropriate.

Why haven’t you blocked him?