I did the right thing….I think

[countbackfromten]

A few dates with someone who is genuinely the nicest person I have met in a long time. Great dates, really great until he mentions he likes the writing of a very prominent very conservative figure with some pretty awful views. On further asking he doesn’t believe in the most extreme of them, but says he tends to lean more towards that end of the spectrum. Red flags go off and I say thanks but no thanks.

Conversation was had via text and now I’m doubting myself and I’m not sure why. The dates were awesome and he was lovely but for some reason I’m overthinking it when I know deep down it was the right thing to do.

And I don’t know why my brain is doing this to me.

You do realise the thread will fill up with people wanting to know who you're talking about?

Either way, if you know deep down he's not right for you, I'd trust your instincts.

You did the right thing. Shame I know, but there it is.

Repugnant views are too much to overlook.

I think part of the problem is that I’m just so thrown by it because it is so out of the blue and there were no clues on the other dates. I’m usually pretty good at picking up on things and naturally quite suspicious now after being hurt before so I feel a bit stupid.

@AtrociousCircumstance you are absolutely right and I knew I would always be thinking about it deep down even if it was never mentioned again.

Is it Milo yiannopolos?

@TedMullins no but someone with some equally appalling views.

You definitely did the right thing. Just because he’s capable of being pleasant on a date doesn’t mean he isn’t inherently awful due to his views and moral stance. As I like to say, I’m sure some people found Harold shipman to be a lovely doctor…

If they're on the Katie Hopkins/ Nigel Farage end of the spectrum, you're better off out of it. That would give me the ick.

I would really question him and pick apart the writings. Counter it with facts and figures and see what he says.

But I wouldn't continue dating him

@TedMullins you are right and I would always be doubting what he said now based on this.

@Sakurami I wish I had the time or the energy to do that. I thought about it before I text saying I didn’t think seeing each other again was a good idea and did mention why I find this person’s views to be awful. But ultimately I knew it would be futile and walking away entirely is better for me.

Ultimately your views are very different. It'll probably mean your morals, boundaries etc are all very different too. You're best to end it now.

Despite what he told you, his right wing views would emerge sooner or later with regard to one issue or another. I personally would struggle and argue with a partner supporting those views.

@girlmom21 very true. I’m just so surprised given how he was on the dates and that I hadn’t even vaguely picked up on it. But would be a huge issue down the line.

Dating is not fun.

@Marineboy67 that would always be the worry. And I would always know that they were there and look at him differently. I’m just so shocked but that is because I can never imagine holding such views.

@countbackfromten
Indeed, whilst I was online dating if you scratched the surface one would soon find out.
Sometimes disappointing but definitely better to know ASAP.

Going to go out on a limb and say Jordan Peterson.

I think you should judge people by who they are, not what they read.

@MultiStorey that is interesting, why do you think that?

@altmember it isn’t just reading though, it is agreeing with these views.

If Jordan Peterson, I would run, to be honest. It shows that either he can't spot misogyny when he sees it, or doesn't care.
Not only does JP clearly see women as a set apart not to be respected unless they're womaning acceptably, but more generally his stuff is generally a load of insipid drivel, interesting only when he's being derivative.

@valadon68 the phrase “womaning acceptably” is sheer genius and I may use that in future!! Thank you

You did the right thing.
And remember people always put a gloss on things. I think that a lot of far right thinkers know that their views are unpalatable to many people and don't care. But I do think that people with these views looking to date are aware that it might be off-putting and would say things like "I like the writings of X but of course I don't believe in the most extreme of them" Yeah, right....

Different outlooks on like. Those views are abhorrent to you and therefore you aren't compatible.

@fumfspos thank you. Really helps to hear others say what the little voice in my head was telling me.