What's going on in threesomes?

[Neveratruerfriend]

This is a question for those of you in an exclusive 3 friends group. You know, where there's 3 of you that often do things together and you are as thick as thieves.

My questions:
Does your threesome have a queen bee?
Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?

This is not the thread that I expected from the title

@TakeYourFinalPosition same here!

Congratulations on the clickbait title OP - 10/10

Yep, sometimes you need a title that's out there, to get any interest and climb up the leader board.

Let's hope someone comes along soon and satisfies my curiosity.

I'm so disappointed!

Threesomes Today sounds like a great magazine title mind you.

I'm in a group of 3 close friends who do a lot together.
I must say I prefer friend A and I don't think I'd see friend B as much without friend A.
No bitching. Although 2 of us sometimes are a bit about friend B's partner who's a bit of a cocklodger,

Don't tell me I'm the only one who's fascinated by friendship dynamics and what really goes on in the cosily-knit 3 friends groups (2's company, 3's a crowd etc)?

I was hoping for an explanation about the other kind of threesomes 😈😈

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Congratulations on the clickbait title OP - 10/10

Thank you, I take that as a compliment

@TakeYourFinalPosition

This is not the thread that I expected from the title

Me neither

But in answer to the OP.
I've been part of a threesome since we were 13/14/15ish. We are mid-late 30s now. Although me and one of them have actually been "best friends" since we were 3 and 4.

Does your threesome have a queen bee?
Very much not so.

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
Nope. One person will suggest eg "shall we meet for brunch?" Then a couple of locations are suggested and the most convenient is picked.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
I think the other 2 have less in common now than i have with either of them
Eg. Friend 1 is an eco warrior, lesbian, has MH issues, isn't into fashion, loves animals, hates kids.
Friend 2 is very into hair, beauty and fashion. Drives a massive 4x4 thing, loves kids, hates animals, isn't bothered about the environment, stereotypical "girly girl".
I'm a balance of the 2. Friend 1 and I meet far more often than either of us and Friend 2, but that's because she moved a couple of hundred miles away so it's a practicality issue.

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person? Nope. They are my "soul mates" in a non romantic sense. I think they both bring different things to my life (I can't speak for them but assume its the same). They both have traits/opinions that I hate, but I'm sure the same is true of me. Friend 1 and I are possible 'closer' but again that's possibly down to geography, and although she went away for uni it was still more local than 2 so I guess we stayed close.

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together? Nope! I dunt think we have since we were about 16! 2 of us might discuss something we've discussed as a 3 if we were worried about it. But more in a "what can we do to help" kind of way. For example, last time we met as a 3 Friend 2 said a lot of things that made her marriage sound very unhappy. When Friend 1 and I met more recently we discussed how we felt about it and are still trying to work out what, if anything, we do.

Having said all that we've been friends for years and years and years. We are so in tune (particularly Friend 1 and me) that we can communicate wordlessly. I think longevity of friendship plays a part for us.

@CiaoForNiao

Thanks for sharing this and being so open. It sounds lovely and I envy you (in a good way!)

Yeah. I'm in a few threes and have been in others over the years. It'll only be toxic if one of the three is toxic anyway.

Generally it's been ok.

I'm in a threesome! 🙋‍♀️. We've been friends for 22 year years since we met at mums and toddlers. We were originally a foursome, but kind of fell out with the other one years ago.

To answer your questions:

Does your threesome have a queen bee?
No.

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
No, although I probably suggest more stuff than the other 2.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis? Yes.
Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person? Not really. If I had to choose one I'm not sure which I'd choose. We all have our good qualities and our faults.
Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together? No, and hopefully they don't bitch about me when I'm not there!

We're all really different, so it's great we all get on so well. One is a nurse, sporty and very competitive, one is a SAHM with health issues and one is a bit posh and is a company director. We've been through a lot together and hopefully will be friends until we drop off the perch.

Damn!!!
I thought I was about to enlighten you all on the other type of threesome, but it doesn't appear to be what the OP wants to know about!!

How weird. That's the second time today I've seen "Queen Bee" on this board.

Are you NCing and starting loads of threads OP?

I'm not NCing, I promise.

Does your threesome have a queen bee? No, we are just three middle aged women who are friends No ego or anything like that. Too old for that shit!

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
No everyone chucks ideas into a pot. We dont all like the same things at the same time eg I dont like circuit training but the other two do so they do that without me. I like cycling so I do that with one of the others. We all like days out hiking, theatre, eating out so we do that together. If anything interesting is coming up it is shared in the WhatsApp to see who else fancies it.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
We work different hours and shifts. It isnt always possible to meet up as a 3. However it is never done sneaky or hidden.

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
No, I have known one of them much longer and I introduced the third person to my friend. Those two get in well and weve been friends for about 18 years now.

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together Never. These people are my friends, wtf would we bitch?
All three of us also have a circle of our own friends outside our group.
Over the years those friendship groups have also merged. So a friend of friend A has become friends with a friend of friend C.
It makes for some great parties and days out!

Does your threesome have a queen bee?
No, but we are different in terms of how social we are

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
No. We bring up ideas, but if 2 want to try something 1 doesn't, then we'll do that but also something for all 3 of us

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
We might have separate phone conversations etc, but all 3 meet up, unless as above eg

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
No, love them both equally

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?
I don't like the term bitch, but we do discuss. I know the other 2 talk about me and vice versa. So we know we do it if that makes sense.
If for eg I'm really stressed with work, uni, study etc, the girls would probably chat about how stressed I am, that I will make myself ill and I should stop doing abc etc.
Similarly, one of us is acting very bizarrely right now, not making the right or best decisions, so 2 of us have had discussions about how worried we are and what we can do to help

Though, the same questions do pretty much also apply to the other kind of threesomes

I have a great 3 way friendship group so I've answered your questions based on that -

Does your threesome have a queen bee? No

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does? No - we have a WhatsApp group so one of us will post somewhere they think we could / should go and we make arrangements from there.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis? No - both friends are closer to me than they are to each other. I see them both one on one or all 3 of us meet up, they don't meet up just them very often.
I went away for a long weekend with friend 1 but would not have done this as a 3 or with just friend 2 (friend 2 is not a good traveller, she gets very anxious and struggles physically with aspects of being away from home).

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person? No but they are very different. So if I want practical advice or to chat crap about Harry Potter I go to friend 1. If I want emotional support or a drunken night out full of dancing I go to friend 2.

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together? No.

I did have another few 3 way friendships. One ended a while ago because one of them tried to bitch about the other to me and got irate about any interactions that didn't include her so it hasn't worked out.
The other has fizzled out as I was a lot closer to friend 1 than friend 2 (and friend 2 has sort of faded away now, after her DH had a falling out with mine and friend 1's).

I am in a group of three good friends and the closeness between us has shifted and had different dynamics over the years. We were at university together, lived together and have been friends since then. We all live in different countries so it's difficult to meet up but we stay in touch.

Two of us discuss our other friend as she's going through a bad patch with many issues in her life right now; we discuss how we can help - it's not bitching. I'm sure they have discussed some of my disastrous decisions regarding men over the years but I don't blame them at all!!

When we see each other in person it's fantastic.

Hi, I'm in a 'threesome' friendship group.

Our contact is most often by messaging then maybe 3 get-togethers a year, including a week end away. The get togethers aren't always all three of us. Distance and busy lives make any more impossible.

It's all very equal though. No Queen Bee. Everyone makes the same sort of effort. No bitching. Genuinely no preference.

I think it would be harder if we saw more of each other, or if 2 of us had very similar lives and the third's was very different for example. But we're all quite different. The venn diagram is fairly evenly split!

Just realised I'm very lucky

lol at the title.

Are you in a threesome OP?

I have been in a threesome friendship for 30 years - we all met in our first job.

Does your threesome have a queen bee?

No, we're all very different though. I'd say I'm the most extrovert, but one of us is more self absorbed than the others.

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?

No, we're overly consultative I'd say. But we also tend to just know what we all want to do and do the same thing every time we meet anyway.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?

We rarely meet up just 2 of us. We wait until all 3 are free, but we have done at times over the last 30 years. 2 of us have children at similar ages so have met up with OH's and kids from time to time.

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person

I think me and one of the other two is more annoying and loud, and our lives have been more dramatic and the third one is more the neutral go between. She's our calm, our peacemaker. I'd say we are both fonder of her, and more protective of her than we are of each other

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?

I think there may have been some side conversations on what's app in the last 30 years. Mostly it's when one of us is going through a hard time and we're worried about the other person. Sometimes maybe.

Does your threesome have a queen bee? No
Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does? No but one is more organised!
Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis? Yes
Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person? No. During certain times I might seek out the advice of one over the other but I love them both.
Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together? haha no, never. Why be friends and do this crap?

I'm currently in a threesome. For 30 years it was a foursome, but now one has drifted away in the past few years.

Does your threesome have a queen bee?

• No

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?

• No

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?

• I like them all, but am typically closer to one than the other. That closer person has changed a life circumstances evolved.

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?

• I find it easier to be with one specific person, or the threesome. One it a little more difficult when 1:1

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?

• Never. We'd often speak about the person that is not there, but generally in a kind way. Of course we've had differences, arguments over the years, but no grudges held.