What's going on in threesomes?

[Neveratruerfriend]

This is a question for those of you in an exclusive 3 friends group. You know, where there's 3 of you that often do things together and you are as thick as thieves.

My questions:
Does your threesome have a queen bee?
Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?

Yes, there's 3 of us who have been close friends since we were 16 / 17. (But we are also in wider friendship groups together.)

Does your threesome have a queen bee?
No

Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
No but we generally meet up one on one due to the fact that none of us live very locally to each other and one lives further away than the other two . We have a pattern of mainly meals out or days out, depending on time of year and circumstances. Meet as a three more at 'big' events like birthdays, anniversaries etc.

Do all 3 of you equally like and interract on a 2 by 2 basis?
Yes we all interact on a 2 by 2 basis but I meet more often with one of them as we live close enough to meet for an evening.

Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
I have spent much more time with one of them and we two are closer. I value both friendships though.

Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?
No but we talk about the other in general, newsy terms.

gulp 😳

I was in one in my late teens and it was toxic - basically I was a bit weak, and the queen bee one decided she wanted to oust the other girl, and I’m ashamed to say I was complicit in that. The other girl was lovely too! But queen bee and I had more in common interest and sense of humour wise I guess - and our backgrounds were more similar (queen bee and I were quite working class, whereas the other one’s family was loaded).

Either way, it was horrible really and even in my 40s I still feel ashamed when I think about it.

Of course, queen bee then turned against ME when I got into the university she wanted to go to and she didn’t. She “left me” for another girl - one I couldn’t stand!

It was all utterly devastating really in the way that these things are when you are that age… Have avoided threesomes (friendship ones, anyway!!!!) ever since.

I’m part of a girlie friendship threesome, l’m early 40s and we have been together for over 10 years now. We have meals out together, swap makeup, sometimes clothes, have days out together, breaks away and rotate lunches and dinners in each other’s homes.

There is little we don’t know about each other and we have cared for and supported one another during life’s inevitable highs and lows.

Friendship beds: Sometimes we all co-sleep together in a kingsize bed, occasionally smaller. Don’t misinterpret this, especially given the thread’s title, this is purely platonic. It’s more chats and giggles than lots of sleep but it’s special bonding.

There is certainly no bitchiness. As for Queen Bees we all are. Over time we have taken on different roles. For example, l tend to arrange our overnight travel (lock up your adult sons, fathers and more!) another restaurant/wine bar visits etc. This has never being planned, it more or less evolved.

Does your threesome have a queen bee?
-> NO
Does one person tend to dominate, eg make decisions on what the group does?
-> NO
Do all 3 of you equally like and interact on a 2 by 2 basis?
-> NO. We'd meet up 1-1 sometimes, but totally normal for a 3rd person not to be there the whole time
Do you secretly prefer one of the others to the 3rd person?
-> YES, but no one knows that
Do you bitch about person 3 when there are just 2 of you together?
-> NEVER EVER

I think a threesome friendship is something that grows and evolves over time. I always felt normal to me to be in 1-1 of in a group. Our group just evolved like that accident where three people came close together.

It might be that is takes some time for the dynamic of the group to develop and evolve (or breakup!). My only sexual threesome experience was a bit awkward, it was hard to figure out who/what goes where/when, etc. It's likely the same with your friendship dynamics, it will evolve and grow.

This thread is making me smile because everyone is having to answer these really negative questions about their friends with "um, no, we're friends."

Is one of you the queen bee?
Does one of you secretly hate the others?
Do you bitch behind each others backs?
Do you think one of the others would steal your DH?
Do you suspect the other two are plotting to frame you for a crime?
How did the three of you kill the fourth friend?

@Sniv, that's a very good observation :) But I will say that the dynamics in a group friendship are a bit different for me. 1-1 is easy, for 4 or more I've found there is often a group leader that organizes/suggests things to do, at least that's been my experience. But three could be an awkward number.

@20Past3, I smiled at your post about when/when/how, etc. The other challenge (in my one and only time) was how to know when the threesome was finished. 1-1 it's easy, but I was a bit confused Is this over now? Or do we keep going? Or not? Three is indeed can be a difficult number :)