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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To think she is obsessed with my husband?

74 replies

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 10:51

I’ll keep it short but I think my husbands friends wife is obsessed with my husband or at least has a crush. I’ve been out with her a few times and one night we were all having a drink at another friends house, my husband is quite a quiet man and she blurted out she’d love to know what was going on in that mysterious mind of his 😐 she’s made other comments but that one has really made me think she might be obsessed

OP posts:

SpindleWorld · 30/09/2021 12:59

I'd avoid her for being a tedious, vacuous, egotistical, annoying, immature and drunken knob tbh. And tell her, if she asks why.

And stop giving her any more headspace.

gannett · 30/09/2021 13:03

I don't mind anyone else finding my DP attractive or commenting on it in passing. I think he's fit so I don't see why they shouldn't.

But this woman is someone I'd distance myself from. Wouldn't make a big deal out of it but I'd note to myself that she seems to enjoy trying to get a rise out of me. Which isn't what a good friend would do. I'd mention to my DP how weird she was being - looks like you've done that and he agrees with you. No further action needed really!

Original poster

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 13:09

@girlmom21never had an issue with her until now when the comments are getting stranger and more often. I get on with her ok except for the odd comments she makes about my husband

OP posts:

flippertyop · 30/09/2021 13:21

I think you are blowing it out of proportion

Mymapuddlington · 30/09/2021 13:23

Drip drip drip.

On your first post, she seems fine. People are allowed to comment on other people and she probably assumes you’re all friends.

The drip posts are just a way to get everyone onto your side IMO.

Original poster

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 13:31

@Mymapuddlington couldn’t give a shit who’s on my “side”I was after honest opinions from strangers and their perspective on it to see if I’m over reacting. I’m not 13 years old I don’t need anyone to be on my side 🙄. I don’t mind other women complimenting my oh I just find she does it a LOT and was freaked out a bit about wanting to know inside his mind comment. That’s it. Thanks for your opinion.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 13:39

@flippertyop do you think? I do feel like I am then in other mind feel like it’s annoying me so much

OP posts:

LaBellina · 30/09/2021 13:45

She sounds insecure and attention seeking.

baileys6904 · 30/09/2021 13:54

Oh ffs lol

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. First comment was an everyday phrase, subsequent examples OP can't remember the details as alcohol involved.

If this was a husband posting about his wife, he'd be given completely different advise and told not to be so possessive

thinkbiglittleone · 30/09/2021 14:00

I think you are massively over thinking this.

She makes the same comment about your DH stepping in, after she's had a few drinks. And compliments him, to you.
She may just have nothing else to say about him so when he's mentioned she just repeated the same things

Crystalvas · 30/09/2021 16:13

OP pay no attention to the stupid comments on here. People telling you your insecure or attention seeking or other crap. Its your business how you feel and not theres. Again I will say you are right to feel the way you do. In your position I would feel exactly the same.

IrishMel · 30/09/2021 16:19

I completely get what you are saying. I also understand why your husband stepped in just to stop a fight. Try to avoid her as much as you can and if you do have to socialize with her and she makes those comments again. Just tell her calmly she is deluded and her comments are just ridiculous, laugh it off, do not let her see that she pisses you off as she will feel she has one up on you. She obviously is not happy and she is definitely not a friend. Be all lovey dovey with your husband see how her face is then. She must not be getting any attention from her own husband and in her deluded mind thinks your husband stepping in means something.

Onthedunes · 30/09/2021 18:26

She's not respecting you op.

There are many women who act in this deluded way, making judgments on how desirable they are with men, against other women.
The ones that bat it off and blame it on the insecurities of other women are the most insensitive, ignorant and sometimes can even be unaware that others do not notice.
Everybody knows the type and they do exist as much as the cool brigade like to make excuses.

This woman gets off on blowing your candle out to make hers burn brighter.
Ged rid of her, you don't have to be friends with her just because of your husband likes his friend.
Know who you like, who makes you feel good and respected and get rid of the rest.
It gets easier as you get older to know what you want and to impliment it.

What you feel is justified, I'm sure you don't accuse all other women of doing this.

Onelifeonly · 30/09/2021 18:31

I am on "your side" OP. How dare she say your DH is jealous if other men talk to her! It's like she is trying to 'possess' him in some way - whether because she is obsessed with him, or to get at you, it's hard to say. But it's totally inappropriate behaviour. I wouldn't want to socialise with her.

Onelifeonly · 30/09/2021 18:31

Mistymoors · 30/09/2021 18:37

This one needs AVOIDING !! Never have a made any comments like that about another friend’s husband !!

waybill · 30/09/2021 18:51

she blurted out she'd love to know what was going on in that mysterious mind of his

I cannot imagine someone saying anything like that out loud unless she was hoping the man in question was surreptitiously thinking about her instead of his wife. And she wanted to rub the wife's nose in it.

Onthedunes · 30/09/2021 18:52

It's down to jealousy and coveting what someone else has, be it happiness, wealth, looks, security and not being fully satisfied with what they themselves have got.

To accuse women of being insecure in certain instances about certain individuals who overstep boundaries is not being insecure, rather it is the women who overstep the mark who are insecure about what they have in life and what they still covet.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 30/09/2021 19:10

Would agree with the person up thread who suggested that her own husband does not appear to give her the attention she craves. Seems also some element of narcissism besides the attention-seeking. I would not socialise with her, she isn't your friend.

Had a slightly similar situation where one of DH's oldest and closest friends got married to a woman in a tiny registry office while living abroad, so she didn't meet his friends till a couple of years later. She was quite obsessed with my DH when she clapped eyes on him. Her DH is not on social media but was all over my DH's page, commenting on his appearance and posted on his profile picture that she realised she married the wrong man. I am sure this was at least semi-joking but my DH was pretty shocked about the lack of respect for his friend. He responded that he was delighted that he married the right woman and resolutely shut it down. She is actually quite a sweet woman aside from that tactless comment and I don't believe there was any malice intended towards me. I am friendly and polite to her in a bigger group but do not meet with her apart from that. But your situation is a bit different, in that she implies that your DH is jealous over her. I would laugh and resolutely tell her not to be so deluded!

todaysdilemma · 30/09/2021 23:05

She isn't a friend. This isn't about insecurity or jealousy or 'trust'. This is about having to spend your precious free time in the company of a woman who is trying to wind you up, who is making you feel uncomfortable with awkward comments. Trust your gut. If this was with a work colleague who made snide comments about your work, you'd feel upset right? This is no different, except it involves your DH.

Let your DH meet up with his friend on his own but stop the joint stuff. Or if you absolutely have to, and she's making these comments, like a pp advised, jokily call her out. Your DH has obv noticed her weird behaviour too so that's good. But you aren't over reacting, no one wants to watch a 'friend' gush and crush on your partner.

blushnoir · 30/09/2021 23:07

@girlmom21

She's probably just winding you up. I would if I could see you getting this tetchy. Especially as she never makes any kind of comment in front of him.

Can I ask why you would deliberately wind someone up?

AmIteallythatstupid · 01/10/2021 06:44

If it was me I'd avoid as much as possible BUT if there is another occasion where she starts bleating on about your husband being jealous of other men around her I'd casually say something 'hmmm thats not the case at all as ive said so many times but the fact you are talking about sounds to me that you would quite like him to be jealous...does someone have a little crush'

Dery · 01/10/2021 07:41

“Tbh the whole thing sounds so childish, like a group of teenagers. Just ignore it and prob best to give her a wide berth when you’re out on the piss.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks or what she says. As long as your DH isn’t showing any interest you got no worries. Let her chat on.”

I think it’s this. If your DH is showing no interest then this whole carry on just makes her look a bit foolish. It’s no insult for other women to find your DH attractive if that’s what’s going on here.

Silenceisgolden20 · 01/10/2021 07:53

What's stopping you telling her to be quiet when she says this as it's all really boring,?
Out of politeness?
She certainly isn't being polite to you.
Shut her down and have no time for her. S

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