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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To think she is obsessed with my husband?

74 replies

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 10:51

I’ll keep it short but I think my husbands friends wife is obsessed with my husband or at least has a crush. I’ve been out with her a few times and one night we were all having a drink at another friends house, my husband is quite a quiet man and she blurted out she’d love to know what was going on in that mysterious mind of his 😐 she’s made other comments but that one has really made me think she might be obsessed

OP posts:

Chachachawoo · 30/09/2021 11:33

I think she enjoys the attention and winding you up. She wants to make you feel uncomfortable.
She sounds like a trouble maker. I would tell your husband she makes weird comments about him and ask to avoid them as a couple.
If you do have to see her and she repeats her remarks have a good stock reply to shut her down.
Such as: dh and I find it a bit weird that you're still going on about this... what does your dh think?

Crystalvas · 30/09/2021 11:35

You are absolutly right to feel the way you do. I’d be pretty annoyed to. Does you DH know how much it upsets you? Your DH needs to have your back on this one. Both you and your him need to say something to her in front of her husband. I’d imagine the embaressment will shut her up for good.

Original poster

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 11:40

Yea he knows @Crystalvas he’s said I should just take no notice, I told him the comments she’s made and he pulled a face and looked bit freaked out by it.

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2021 11:42

@Ladyraven0483

Yea he knows *@Crystalvas* he’s said I should just take no notice, I told him the comments she’s made and he pulled a face and looked bit freaked out by it.

I have/had a SIL like that. All you can do is look her in the eye and laugh.

Trust your DH. Don't let her get into your head.

mewkins · 30/09/2021 11:49

Typical attention seeking behaviour. Stop being around her when she's pissed.

Bookworm20 · 30/09/2021 11:49

With the other comments, yes I would say she either has a thing for him or she is jealous of you and trying to come across as though she is better/more attractive than you? Its all very odd.

I agree with a PP upthread. You and your DH both need to say something to her next time you're all together - with her DH there aswell preferably.

Maybe even something lighthearted like, 'You need to stop complimenting my DH Judith, hes beginning to think you've got the hots for him' (chuckle chuckle chuckle). And you DH could back you by chuckling away too and joking how hot he is, of course all the women fancy him (more chuckling, hahaha and all that)
That way it won't totally embarrass her, but will clearly get the message across that you both think its all a bit of a joke.

Original poster

Ladyraven0483 · 30/09/2021 11:49

@CuriousaboutSamphire thankyou I won’t let her get in my head it has been on my mind but now I’ve got some outside perspective I feel a lot better and going to avoid her where I can from now on

OP posts:

dworky · 30/09/2021 11:52

You're insecure in your relationship, OP.

You shouldn't be threatened by anyone complimenting your partner.

DrinkingWishingSmokingHoping · 30/09/2021 11:52

@girlmom21

She's probably just winding you up. I would if I could see you getting this tetchy. Especially as she never makes any kind of comment in front of him.

Would you? Why?

BarefootHippieChick · 30/09/2021 11:52

I think she probably fancies your husband, likes the idea of the attention, and frankly, perhaps isn't getting much actual attention from her own husband.

Bookworm20 · 30/09/2021 11:56

@dworky

You're insecure in your relationship, OP. You shouldn't be threatened by anyone complimenting your partner.

Cool wife has arrived.

But seriously? I don't know of anyone who wouldn't be a bit miffed if a women we socialised with was constantly doing this. It in no way says OP is insecure in her relationship! She isn't accusing her DH of anything, just this woman being a bit OTT and its starting to make her annoyed.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2021 11:57

@dworky

You're insecure in your relationship, OP. You shouldn't be threatened by anyone complimenting your partner.

You obviously haven't met this specific kind of Dementor

They can be quite subtle whilst being totally blatant. I could tell you stories about SIL you wouldn't believe (have posted most of them here over the years). Such people, male and female, are quite deluded!

FlorenciaFlora · 30/09/2021 12:08

I wouldn’t spend time with her anymore.

Dizzylizzy40 · 30/09/2021 12:22

I wouldnt make a thing about it with ur OH .. to be honest he is a man and despite what he says he will be thrilled to think she fancies him secretly ..the last thing you would want is him having ideas.. i would backtrack

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/09/2021 12:23

@girlmom21

She's probably just winding you up. I would if I could see you getting this tetchy. Especially as she never makes any kind of comment in front of him.

You'd make a mate feel uncomfortable for a laugh? You sound nice.

MakingM · 30/09/2021 12:25

@Ladyraven0483

She has said before that my husband is jealous of other men looking/ talking to her. She’s made comments that she likes how he looks/has a nice body. She just compliments him too much IMO I don’t think I’ve ever said anything about her husband apart that he’s a nice man. When she said that it threw me off a bit as we were just talking about him being quiet in general

That’s distinctly odd.

She’s said your husband is jealous of other men talking and looking at her?

That is very odd. I’m assuming he isn’t?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2021 12:26

@Dizzylizzy40

Good grief! Really?

That bar is set so very, very low!

girlmom21 · 30/09/2021 12:31

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@girlmom21

She's probably just winding you up. I would if I could see you getting this tetchy. Especially as she never makes any kind of comment in front of him.

You'd make a mate feel uncomfortable for a laugh? You sound nice. [/quote]
They're not friends though, are they. The OP clearly doesn't like her. I'd wind up an acquaintance who clearly has an issue with me for a laugh, yeah.

MakingM · 30/09/2021 12:37

@Ladyraven0483

Yea he knows *@Crystalvas* he’s said I should just take no notice, I told him the comments she’s made and he pulled a face and looked bit freaked out by it.

That’s unsurprising tbh. It’s his friend’s wife and it is odd. I’d be freaked out if it were me too.

Sounds like others have said - might be best if they go back to doing things alone as friends and knock the couples stuff on the head.

It’s not fun and socialising should be fun. I don’t socialise with the wives of my DH’s friends as they had known my DH for years and continued to say things that insinuated they were closer to him than I was even after we were married. It was all stuff and nonsense but it felt invasive. Some women can be weird tbh.

Pinkbonbon · 30/09/2021 12:38

More likely she's a narcissist (npd) or similar, who views you as her competition. SO she will likely try to flirt or go after your husband or make implications that destabilise your marriage because she can't have him. Its not that age likes him,it's that she can't bare anyone liking you more than they like her. Because you're her competition.

Other things to look for from her may include that she seems happy when bad things happen to you (a slight smirk perhaps) and a need to 'one up' you. She may also take an interest in your hobbies or things you say you want or want to do and take those things up for herself. Also, she may brag, boast, exaggerate her achievements and even outright lie a lot.

If any of this sounds familiar, she is not your friend, run..

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 30/09/2021 12:40

Tbh the whole thing sounds so childish, like a group of teenagers. Just ignore it and prob best to give her a wide berth when you’re out on the piss.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks or what she says. As long as your DH isn’t showing any interest you got no worries. Let her chat on.

faithfulbird20 · 30/09/2021 12:41

Sounds like she thinks he's her night in shining armour. Tell her about how he farted really badly last night. See her reaction. Normal woman would be like eww. Women with a crush wouldn't mind it at all.

faithfulbird20 · 30/09/2021 12:41

Knight obviously*

Dizzylizzy40 · 30/09/2021 12:48

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Sigh.. sadly yes. I have seen too much.

Pugmumm · 30/09/2021 12:50

OP I have the same issue with DP and a woman in our friendship group. She will like everything he posts on Facebook but when I am on his posts she leaves it!!

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