Partner says I'm too strict with my DC

[jigsawjenny]

I wasn't sure where to post this really. Long story short, my partner of 3 years keeps telling me I'm too strict with my 2 DC. We don't live together but we do spent a lot of time together. He keeps saying in front of my DC that I'm far too strict, and now they are starting to question my parenting (they never had any complaints before). I've told my partner to stop saying it, but he doesn't. Am I just being over sensitive here? It really bothers me.

I've told my partner to stop saying it, but he doesn't.

You're not being strict enough with your DP.

He is undermining you to the point that your own kids are beginning to play you off against him.

Tell him ONE more time.
If he refuses to listen again, get rid of him.
It's that, or accept that he's the boss of you, the boss of your kids, & it's fine for your children to disrespect your parenting & have a wedge driven between you & them.

He shouldn’t undermine you in front of your dc, that’s out of order. What kind of things does he think you’re too strict about?!

@Bagelsandbrie A few examples -

I wouldn't let one DC have a huge tuna baguette 30 mins after a massive dinner.

I made one DC do their homework before allowing them on the Xbox.

I wouldn't allow one DC to have a mug of hot chocolate in bed, after they have brushed their teeth.

You get the idea! I don't think it's anything too awful?

Op, you sound like a very good mum and dp sounds like an idiot!

Your DP is being an idiot, especially doing it in front of the DCs. He needs to back off and respect you.

He sounds like a dick
Why do you keep him around?

Does he have kids?

All sounds completely normal and like good parenting.

Have you sat down and had an honest conversation with him about this? Explain to him why you do those things? Why authority and rules are important for children's development etc.

If he doesn't understand after being told honestly then I'd find it hard to want to be with him.

It's never as easy as LTB. So I wouldn't suggest this. But I also get that you can't go on like this. Especially when the DCs start to undermine your authority.

It's none of his business how strict you are with your dc.

He also really shouldn't be saying anything in front of your dc either. That's way out of line

It's never as easy as LTB. So I wouldn't suggest this. But I also get that you can't go on like this. Especially when the DCs start to undermine your authority.

They don't live together.
It is absolutely as easy as LTB.

How dare he?

Do you want your relationships with your children undermined and damaged? If you do then stay with him and that’s what’ll happen.

If not then bin him.

I would be telling him if he does it one more time then the relationship is over.
You sound like a sensible mother, he's an immature knob

You need to deal with it in front of them,

"DD, why aren't you allowed hot chocolate in bed after brushing your teeth?" She answers correctly, "you're right DD, you were listening at the dentist". "DP, if DD can understand I do this for her health, could you stop commenting, please?"

Model assertiveness, not compliance.

Sounds like he's trying to set up a "good cop, bad cop" scenario. They're your kids, you set fair boundaries and it's worked for you until now. He's the one shit stirring and I don't think I could carry on with him and his undermining of me.

Who is he to even comment? Especially infront of your children. I'm sure he knows exactly what he is doing! He's probably jealous at how well you do and is trying to stir the pot for you. What other reason does he have to be saying this infront of your children??
Fair enough if that's what he thinks, he can share his opinion with you privately. Not infront of your kids!

All those examples sound like you were perfectly reasonable. He’s being really unfair.

@Sparklfairy Yes he has one DC.

I wouldn't be "asking" him to stop undermining you, I would be telling him that if he does it one more time, you won't be spending any time with him and the kids together anymore as he's beginning to cause issues between yourself and your children

You've told him repeatedly to stop this and yet he continues. Why should he have yet another chance to further undermine your relationship with your children?.

Its time now to get this man out of your lives for good.

He needs to stfu and keep his nose out. He has no right to tell you how to behave in your own home, and undermining you by telling your dc that you are too strict would be the last straw for me.

I'd be giving him a monumental bollocking for doing that, and telling him that if he ever interfered with your parenting in any way again, then it's curtains.

Look him in the eye and say "I neither need not want your opinion on how I parent my children"
He's trying to be "the fun one" or just wants a quiet life so is pandering, both of which just make it harder for you (and the children) going forward.

He does completely pander to his own DC, something that I won't do with mine. I think it's important they do their homework, have manners and are generally nice children. But apparently that makes me strict!

Sounds like he wants to play good cop to your bad cop. Manipulative divisive behaviour.

As a partner of someone who has children I would only step in in front of them if I felt he was endangering their safety and I had to stop him immediately. If I felt the need to raise anything else it would be a quiet word when the children aren't around.

He might just be trying to make them like him by being fun but he's actually undermining you and massively over stepping here. Does he do this in other ways?

He wants to spread his awful parenting techniques onto your children .

I would have gone off him by now but if you haven't you will have to keep him away from your kids because he will spoil them in the real sense of the word ,