Partner says I'm too strict with my DC

[jigsawjenny]

I wasn't sure where to post this really. Long story short, my partner of 3 years keeps telling me I'm too strict with my 2 DC. We don't live together but we do spent a lot of time together. He keeps saying in front of my DC that I'm far too strict, and now they are starting to question my parenting (they never had any complaints before). I've told my partner to stop saying it, but he doesn't. Am I just being over sensitive here? It really bothers me.

Perhaps he realises he's a bit of a slack parent to his own, so tries to undermine your way of doing things as he'd rather pull you down to his level.

@jigsawjenny

I wasn't sure where to post this really. Long story short, my partner of 3 years keeps telling me I'm too strict with my 2 DC. We don't live together but we do spent a lot of time together. He keeps saying in front of my DC that I'm far too strict, and now they are starting to question my parenting (they never had any complaints before). I've told my partner to stop saying it, but he doesn't. Am I just being over sensitive here? It really bothers me.

Maybe provide examples of what you did that he thinks is strict.

But yes he shouldn't raise this Infront of the children, it should be discussed away from them

@HalzTangz I provided a few examples a few posts down from my original one

The fact that he chooses to do it in front of your children shows that there is a dynamic there.
Why would he do that? Why does he not wait and then discuss it with you later?
He's doing that to get the kids on his side or to undermine your authority to show that you are not 'the boss' around the place when he is there.
He's not doing it in the interests of the kids or in the cause of good parenting, it's either attention-seeking or oneupmanship on his part.

I would tell him one more time If you ever criticise my parenting or undermine me in front of my DC again then I will immediately end our relationship. This is a deal breaker for me. It's your choice, but one more time and that is it. I don't need anyone in my life who damages the relationship I have with me kids.

[quote jigsawjenny]@HalzTangz I provided a few examples a few posts down from my original one [/quote]
Yes I was just coming back to my post to say I saw the examples. To me you are doing correctly.

You need to get firm with him, your children your rules, his children his rules type thing. He doest comment when you are parenting advice versa.

If he can't agree and adhere to that, then terminate the relationship otherwise you will have a lifetime of this behaviour

Why won't he stop saying it when he's asked you not to? Does he generally disregard what you say?

You don’t need to have your boyfriend around your kids at all, so this is irrelevant. If you feel the need to keep dating him (why? A male that doesn’t stop when told no…🤢) see him elsewhere.

You don’t sound over sensitive at all. Your DP sounds completely unreasonable and it’s very inappropriate to undermine your parenting in front of your dc.

The examples actually don't matter.

Either OP is a bad parent, in which case he needs to leave her and report her to sical services; or he is an interfering busybody, who is trying to play Disney step-dad, and has walked all over OPs non-existent boundaries.

OP, you have told him to stop this and he hasn't - so what now? Don't lecture or prescribe - simply enforce your boundary with your action.

I'd choose to bin him off for having a lack of respect for me, but that's just me. Other options could include making him leave every time he does it, or removing your children into a different room and conintuing there. But honestly, too much hassle. LTB is so much easier.

Especially when you consider all the other ways he's likely to be undermining you and walking over those poor boundaries.

You need to draw a line with him and enforce it, for the sake of your relationship with your children.

Youve told him not to undermine you infront of your kids. He continues to do it and is causing friction between you and your kids. Sounds like he is setting things up for you to be bad cop moving forwards. Sod that for a game of soldiers. Who the heck needs some asshole in their life, playing them off against their own children.

@ChargingBuck

I've told my partner to stop saying it, but he doesn't.

You're not being strict enough with your DP.

He is undermining you to the point that your own kids are beginning to play you off against him.

Tell him ONE more time.
If he refuses to listen again, get rid of him.
It's that, or accept that he's the boss of you, the boss of your kids, & it's fine for your children to disrespect your parenting & have a wedge driven between you & them.

Answered in one post!

This 100% - especially when you've shown your examples which seem like good active parenting to me.

He wants to be Disney partner doesn't he?

Not strict, but boundaries. Your examples are perfectly normal.

So he repeatedly tramples over your boundaries in your own home and you still invite him over. Have a word with yourself and don’t let him over the threshold.

You can’t stop him from being a twat but you can declare your home a no twat environment.

@AryaStarkWolf

I wouldn't be "asking" him to stop undermining you, I would be telling him that if he does it one more time, you won't be spending any time with him and the kids together anymore as he's beginning to cause issues between yourself and your children

This

Massive red flag, he’s deliberately undermining you. He’s deliberately trying to show you up as a poor parent, because that gives him control over you. You eventually feel like you need him, like you’re wrong, like you’re a bad mum. It also alienates you from your children and creates a “us vs her” attitude.