I'm not interested

[Strawberryshortcake28]

I'm not interested in what your saying

This is what my husband has just told me when I tried to speak to him while he was watching the news. Is it me or is this just a sign of total disrespect.

It brought tears to my eyes at how rude he could be to Me while we are currently away on a staycation in a lovely hotel.

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and he said it's my hormones making me emotional. Things have been rocky for a while he says I run him down all the time and he doesn't find me attractive or want to have sex with me and if I'm being honest I don't want to with him either I think about other men all the time.

This is just one of the many comments he has made another example is 'ill punch you if you ever do that again'. Also ignoring me Infront of my own family and spending the evening talking to them.

I think he'll make a great father but I don't think he enjoys my company anymore he doesn't make me laugh a d I walk on eggshells around him most of the time .

I'm not saying I'm the perfect wife we have been together ten years and I just feel too much has been said and done to amend or come back from . This has been the latest issue of a long list of problems .The issue for me is after these comments he doesn't take ownership or apologize just again highlights I'm running him down.

He has not got a lot of family or friends and tbh I'm recognising why now if he's treats ppl like this. He would have no where to go if I were to ask him to move out

Is this normal any advice ?

Congratulations on your long-awaited pregnancy. It's not your hormones making you unreasonable or whatever else he accuses you of, it's him - he's a nasty, cruel, spiteful man who will turn physically violent sooner or later. Please get him out of the house as soon as possible. Go to a solicitor tomorrow. He treats acquaintances better than he treats you; he'd treat other people's children better than he'd treat his own child.

It's easier to leave now.

This may sound stupid I just think he would because he is an absolute gentleman to other people puts on a great show opening doors for people getting along with my family taking my mum shopping so kind to others works really hard is the life and soul of the party at family gatherings playing with all the children etc

Because that is all a short term act and designed to make people think well of him.

You know and see the real person, who is none of the above. See a lawyer pronto.

A baby won't bring you closer - a baby tests even the strongest couples and not in a good way. Neither of you are happy, why co parent in misery when you could do it apart?

I think he'll make a great father

You are tragically, 100% wrong about this. Men who abuse their wives are never good fathers.

I can't suggest highly enough that you leave this arsehole before the baby is born. Everything will be so much easier if you do. You'll have months to settle into your new life before the baby is born.

If you stay he will continue to abuse you at a time, post baby, when you will be most vulnerable.

It's also common for men to start to tell people that the mum is crazy so they can fight for residence. I would be genuinely concerned that he might take this approach.

In my case Ex tried to isolate me from our children by being the perfect father infront of them but treating me horribly. I left as I knew I didn't want my children to grow up disrespecting me.

The fact he abuses and disrespects you shows he will not be a good father. Please know this.

Toxic men are often practiced at image management so that outsiders believe they are wonderful .

Strawberry

re your comment:-
"Thank you I have great support from my family both emotionally and financially but they are so set on u working it out or seeing what it will be like when the baby is here
They say he has mental health issues which he does but honestly I cannot support him anymore than I already have he refuses therapy and is already on medication for anxiety which clearly isn't working"

Who is the "they" who says he has MH issues?.

Your family have only seen the "nice" side of him however, and abuse like you describe also thrives on secrecy. Tell them the truth about your H and at the very least you now need to involve Womens Aid too. You certainly need to act now so well before your child is born.

What example of parental relationships were you shown as a child?.
You mention being bullied as a child; you are now being abused as an adult by someone exerting his power and control over you (and will also harm your child in not too dissimilar ways either).

The medication's not working because at heart he is abusive. He is not suffering from anxiety/depression or MH issues; it suits him for you to believe that of him. He is angry because he is abusive and not because he is angry. You're the focus for his abuses of you and in turn your child; he will NOT be a good father to his child either. Such men too hate women, ALL of them. Therapy is often refused by abusive men as they think they are dong nothing wrong here. This is who your H is and he is not going to change.

Rebuild your life without him in it day to day; you will thank your own self for doing that. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and you are not a rehab centre for such a badly raised man.

Why do you at all think he would be a good father to his kid?.

If he abuses you like he has and continues to do, he will NOT be a good father to their child.

It is far easier to rebuild your life now and leave before the child is born.

Your anxiety medication isn’t working because you haven’t removed the overwhelming source of your anxiety- your husband. You are treading on eggshells hence you always have feel anxious.

A baby will not fix your marriage - in fact abuse often worsens after a baby. You don’t want your child growing up thinking this kind of a relationship is normal! Leave whilst you can.

Well for starters he can stay in the hotel on his own, I'd be off back home, you don't need that crap whilst pregnant.
Put the house on the market or buy him out asap. I don't really get how you can afford to buy him out and yet he can't afford to rent somewhere? You do realise that all your wealth is half his too as you are married to him? Bearing that in mind, pay half his rent for him if that gets him out

OP,

If you won't do the right thing for yourself, do it for your baby that you want to keep.

He is an abusive man that talks to you like shit.

I absolutely pity any child being brought into such a dreadfully nasty environment.

If you wont terminate, get out before the baby arrives and give the baby a peaceful happy home with you.

As for access.

He's a pig, give him the least access possible.

Why would you want an abusive man spending lots of time with your baby.

Tell your GP about the abuse.
Start a papertrail.

Protect yourself and get out.

'ill punch you if you ever do that again'

Are you with my ex?

I can afford to buy him out because I will remortgage to do so and change it to my name and I would extend the term and and take the payments on myself would be half the price of renting

He will not make a great father.

End of.

Good woman.
Get organised and get a plan together.

A peaceful, safe, loving home is the greatest gift a child can be given.

Away from him, you are more than capable of providing this.

Sorry he's going to be a terrible father and babies test even the strongest relationship - they don't being troubled ones together, ever! Please leave this man, his abuse will escalate.

are you going to be able to remortgage and earn enough to pay that and childcare costs? They are very high. Please please go and see a solicitor about your exact situation? I'm another one who says you need to get away from this guy but he doesn't sound like someone who is going to be fair or easy about splitting assets so you need to know as much as possible. Under no circumstances believe anything he says about what could happen and what he could do eg, "Ill take the baby" or "you'll be on the street". Good luck.

He is not and will not be a great father.

He will not be a ‘gentleman’ when/if you try and divorce him.

What pet of his behaviour towards you makes you think he’ll suddenly turn into a lovely human being when you try and leave him and stop being his emotional (for now) punch bag?

He’s showing you over and over again he is a nasty abusive little man. Why are you saying different?

Are you the higher earner?

OP isn’t on anxiety medication, it’s her DH

I'm frightened for you. See a solicitor.

Oh and nowhere is it 'normal' to be threatened with or actually punched, by anyone at anytime. So many threads asking this about awful men swearing at the wives, hitting them and then blaming them. I teach PSHE.. I'm going to do some work with the older girls 😞.

Im in a lucky position I will not have childcare costs so I know I will be OK financially I am the higher earner but not by a lot we don't have a lot of assets just the house which we can agree on.

He wants to try marriage counselling and has admitted he has lost respect for me I'm still set on leaving but I'm. Hoping a counsler will highlight to him that he is being abusive or see that this won't work
He said he wouldnt want to be with me if I wasn't pregnant

I'm not interested in what your saying

.. doesn't find me attractive or want to have sex with me

ill punch you if you ever do that again'.

ignoring me Infront of my own family and spending the evening talking to them.

something sets him of he turns on me expects me to forget about it an hour later and accept that he doesn't apologize

He said he wouldnt want to be with me if I wasn't pregnant

Look, it's there in lights. Big bright blinding lights.

He diesbt even try to hide his indifference, contempt etc.

That's the one good thing I can glean aboit him from this thread - that that actually says it out loud and to your face (I don't actually mean thads a good thing about him, obviously.
Just a good thing in terms of you seeing him for what he is.

"They say he had mental health issues" .... mayve he does (in addition to being a horrible bastard) but if you spend any more time around him, in this relationship; youtr going to end up with mental health issues too!!!!!

Abd why should you, you're pregnant, you'll be post partem, you'll have huge hormonal shifts, you'll have even more hormonal shifts if you breast feed, you'll have sleep deprivation and the constant, sustained demands and stressed of a baby.

You really really don't need this fucker making you walk on egg shells, stressing you out, upsetting you, bringing you down etc.