DH says he has never told me about his friend because she is a woman and he knew I would be upset – and he says my reaction to finding out proves to him that he was right to say nothing
'I robbed a bank, and the reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd be upset, and look! I was right!'
Does it make it right to rob a bank?
It's DARVO. So blatant.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
I'm curious to know how many on the thread would share a room with their opposite sex sibling. I wouldn't, unless it was absolutely necessary. I'm an adult and I appreciate my privacy. I think that's fairly standard.
If he was in his home town, why didn't he sleep at home in his own bed? If a friend comes to town, it's not common practice to stay in a hotel with them, let alone the same bed. Have you asked him why he didn't come home? Not that he'll tell the truth, but his reaction might be revealing.
The worrying thing here is that you're needing to post on a forum for validation, when he's only about an inch short of coming home covered in lipstick with a bra in his pocket. Has he been a loyal, respectful, attentive husband up until now? There must have been warning signs, with somebody who is this willing to lie through his teeth right to your face.