What goes around, comes around. Who believes?

[pinguthepenguin]

Hi ladies.

I want to ask (if its ok) how many of you, from experience or otherwise actually believe in this?

I've posted a bit recently, because briefly, My exp left 3 months ago when our child was less than 2 months old (we had been together 3yrs). He had, at the time, been getting very close to a woman he worked with, and I was uncomfortable about it.( calling, texting, coffees out etc) I came to know her a bit, so trusted nothing would happen. When he ended us, I simply knew she had something to do with it,- a fact which he vehemenently denies still. Its since come to light that they are 'seeing each other', and although I know nothing physical had happened between them when we were together- they laid the foundations in evey other way possible.

Both him and her are now apparantly 'comfortable' with their situation, because they know they didn't cheat (like cheating is confined to the physical act only!). He maintains that he left because 'we don't get on'.

I am of course, devastated, but I'm trying to come to terms with it all. I've recieved some excellent advice on the Lone Parents thread regarding 'moving on' etc and it's helped alot.
What I seem to be obsessing about though is whether or not it will actually work between them. I think I'm doing this because Firstly- he has been very business like with me since he ended us and hasn't shown a shred of remorse....so I'm wondering if he will ever have his 'epihany of guilt'. Secondly...and a much sadder fact, for no other reason than because of what he's done....I want to see it all come crashing down around him.

He isn't an obvious ladies man...far from it, and the woman he has taken up with is quiet, very well-educated and has a child already. I don't think they are in it 'just for fun', so the idea that he may well come up smelling of roses after the destruction he caused is too much to think about. (although I clearly do!)

So what do you think? Is karma really a boomerang?

generally yes in the end, but sometimes it takes a long long time. By then you will have SO moved on!

Me, me, me! I am a firm believer!! And thats why I'm a good girl, always tell the truth and never do anything naughty.
You just bide your time and keep an eye out....

I'm definitely a believer and my bstrd xp and that bth will definitely get their come uppance one day [grin, even if its in another life!!!

Whoops typed that a bit fast and didn't realise asterisks didn't come out!

My x husb left me with a newborn and a toddler, for someone else. I was devasted. For a long time all I could imagine was him and her going out all the time having lots of fun and having no responsibilities, they both had very good jobs and went on holiday alot, went out alot and brought the kids expensive gifts. Whilst I had no money, I sold my engagement and wedding rings just to buy the kids some new clothes and whilst I loved the kids I felt trapped as I never had 2 mins to myself let alone ever going out. After a couple of years I relly changed, I started studying again, got new friends and my confidence really grew, I didnt realize how much he had crushed me with abuse. I meet someone else who treats me and the kids so much better than he ever did, and my kids are now two lovely, polite and thoughtful little boys. Just as my life was back together and I was no longer caring about weather he was happy or not his life came seriously crashing down, to cut along story short his drinking got out of hand his new wife left and got an injunction so he could not see her or his little girl. Whilst drunk driving he crashed his company car, got sacked, lost his driving license and lost his home as well as all his friends. But the worst I think is that my boys are 4 and 5 and he doesnt know them at all, he has missed everything and all the joy they have brought me. So I am now I convert, yes what goes around comes around.
I hope you ok, it does take along time to get over them but it does happen. Be kind to yourself and try and concentrate on you and your child and everything else will follow. I think part of karma is not only them getting what they deserve but is you getting stronger and better life than before although it probably doesnt feel like it at the time. Another to remember is that cheaters dont change, if he cheated on you and left you in a vurable position the changes are he will do the same to her

yes yes and yes

Isn't the best revenge the one where you move on and have a happy life? He might get his come-uppance, but he might not. He fell out of love with you and hurt you, but one day you will have got over him and met someone else more lovely...

It WILL happen, I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone out there.

het kerry!

Liking the name!

yes .....karma bites you in the arse in the end.

And everything dior said.

Is who Jennifer Aniston?

Thanks for the replies...do keep them coming! Orange- thats a really extreme case of karma huh? I can't believe you had to sit back and watch him tdo all that with her though, how awful for you. As you say though-you're happy now, and have moved on, so its great. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I believe!

'Living well is the best revenge'

I've heard this before Dior, wise words, and I absolutely know its true. It doesnt help me right now though....the only thing that does is the notion that he'll finally a shred of what he's done in the future.

Also- I don't believe that he simply fell out of love with me tbh. You don't realise that fact weeks after having a baby- its too obvious that the child/responsibility/loss of freedom etc was more than he could bear. not that he would ever admit that though. Prefers instead to use the old ' I don't feel the same way' line, because what can you say to that? It's a quick get-out clause, a disclaimer.

I think it was the same with my x, as soon as ds1 born he changed so much, almost like a mid life crisis although he wasnt middleaged. He had no interest in me or ds1 and only wanted to go out with the lads getting drunk. I then got preg again just a few months later, it wasnt planned and we were both very shocked but his shock never went away he refused to talk about the preg, didnt attend antenatal visits and refused to acknowledge ds2 when born then left. Some men just cant deal with it

my ex is v.quiet, doesn't drink, not an obvious ladies man. This makes what he's done so hrd to get to grips with.

My answer to this would be yes-and-no. I don;t believe in any kind of supernatural or higher power stuff that watches and punishes or rewards people for what they do.
What I do believe is that people who make a habit of behaving badly usually run into trouble of some kind in the end. If they are violent, sooner or later they will pick a fight with someone more violent than them, if they are untrustworthy then people will stop trusting them and may actively rip them off, if they are careless and thoughtless they will damage themselves badly. If they are deeply amoral, sooner or later they will break a law and be brought to justice via the courts.

It's a bit more mixed with regard to people who leave a relationship or refuse to be monogamous. These are not always bad or wrong things to do in themselves, but someone who repeatedly decieves partners will probably end up either lonely or desperately paranoid and jealous about a subsequent partner's possible non-monogamous behaviour. People who abandon and neglect their children often regret it in the end, but if they are sociopathic then they don't have the capacity to regret it.

But I do agree with all the posters who say that the best revenge on people who have mistreated you is to be happy. It shows them how unimportant they actually are, and most unkind people really really hate that. It's also much better for you than hanging onto rage.

Oh yes indeedy sow as you shall reap.

He will get whats coming to him, so will his home wrecking trollop.

You will move on and end up with someone so much better.

I think you can drive your self mad, trying to get your head around it. I think I did for a while, constantly asking myself if he ever did love me, because you cant just switch love off, can you? And if any of the 7 years we were together were real or was it just all a lie? Did I ever really know him? I never did get any answers to my constant questions, but I promise you you will get to a point where they dont really matter. It is natural to obsess about it, its part of the grieving process and you have to go through that to get through to the other side. Do you have much support?

My exh used to slap me, pull my hair, push me over etc, but he always said he didn't 'hit' me because he didn't use a clenched fist He did break my finger once though when he forced my arm up my back. I then found out after 18 years of marriage (when we eventually split up) that he had been having gay affairs during most of our marriage - often meeting strange men for sex in public toilets.

I was crushed, but carried on looking after the children while studying for a degree at a university 50 miles from home. I couldn't see my life ever changing for the better, since I ha always been told how 'fat, ugly and useless' I was. I have since remarried and had a little boy - kick in the teeth for my ex who always wanted a son - with a man who would never treat me the way my ex did.

As for my ex, he took up with one of his conquests and ended up phoning me crying one night when the boyfriend smacked him one. My lawyer thought it was kind of ironic that he'd ended up a battered husband! I certainly don't condone domestic violence, having been subjected t it myself, but it was a bit hard to find it in me to sympathise with him.

So anyway, in a long-winded reply, I think the answer to your question is yes, I believe you get what you give in the end. Good luck to you and your little one.

yes yes yes i believe and i know totally how you are feeling right now, my xdp left me for a girl at work i have a nearly 3 year old DD and im 5 and a half months pregnant, like you she knew all about me my dd and the lo but still they did it anyway and he just up and left 2 weeks ago Well i hope them 2 get whats coming to them!! and i hope my xdp and her gets whats coming to them. Since my xdp left he hasnt given me a penny for DD and hes off out with her when hes not working and yes it makes me
I hope your ok? hugs x

There could be 101 reasons why your exdp has left and i am v. sceptical about men who just happen to leave/start getting 'involved' in any way with another woman whilst they have a tiny baby at home, 99 out of 100 i honestly believe its much much deeper than just happening to find their 'soulmate' or anything like that. I think its much more likely your exdp has 'issues' 9for want of a better term' which will never allow him to be happy and settled with the person he is with, dont ask me why but for some men its more important to be looking for/ in the first flush of a relationship than accepting the (sometimes hard but ultimately real, honest and worthy)reality of what they already have.

I say this to highlight that there is nothing whatsoever you could have done to avoid this situation, you took a chance and trusted this man and he has failed you miserably.Give it a few years and I would bet cold hard cash that the same thing will happen with this new woman. the facts speak for themselves,this man has seemingly quite calmly and remorselessly walked away from his Dp of three years and his child, there is something that doesnt add up there and it will come back to bite him on the ARSE and HARD!!! So yes I do believe in karma, like a previous poster said it may take many long years but his actions will not lead him to happiness.

I answered your post because somthing about it resonated with a situation in my family.
My sisters exdp left her when her DD was 6weeks old. the baby had been planned and they had a whole life together, had been together over tn years.he packed his bags and left, giving the reason that he 'just didnt love her and it would be easier on his DD if she did not get used to having him at home'. It transpired that he was 'platonically involved' with a woman who works for his company who also had a small child and was in process of going through a break up. the point being that three years down the line they have not been able to move into any form of healthy or whole relationship and he continues to believe that if only she would 'get over her traumatic relationship' they would walk away into the mist together. he is miserable, his ex is now happily involved with another chap (its been a hellish process but she really has moved on although she didnt think she ever would). he is effectively out in the cold.

Keep faith in yourself and your family, look after yourself and gets loads of support. You dont need to wish bad karma on this man as he seems perfectly capable of screwing up his own life!!

Good luck

Thanyou all for your replies, they're really helpful.
Mimimilk- yours really hit the nail on the head I think. My ex is in his mid thirties and should have been reasonably to settle down, but what he has under his belt instead, is a handful of long, but ultimately failed relationships, and a baby that he will only half know. I think he is somehow addicted to the first flush of romance, the bloom, and although he tends to stick it out for a long time, they havent lasted. I'm prone to thinking that he is very taken with ow because she is a high-flyer and very loaded. Part of me thinks he's flattered that she's interested in him, and so will try very hard to keep her. I dont think he can quite believe his luck tbh. The thought that it will be a successful relationship makes me sick.

In terms of support, I live far away from my family, and he knows this, yet cares none about it. He has effectively gone back to living the life he had before our child came along and has wiped me out of his memory completely. He sees our child around twice a week, but never more than that, and never wants to know how she is in between.
He knew when he left (well,actually I had to do the leaving, didn't even help with that either) that I had no family support, but says 'loads of people do it, whats the big deal?
He really has become rather unpleasant since the split, (including taking baby to see new twinky) and I think this is a contributory factor in my wanting things to belly up for him. I realise it isn't productive, I realise I need to concentrate on my emotional recovery- but in the short term, the only pleasure I get is thinking he will eventually reap what he has sown.

Sad isn't it? Like I've nothing else to do.

A belief in 'karma' has kept me going at various points in my life otherwise the injustice of some very upsetting situations would have sent me mad !

What I do have to accept though is that it's extremely unlikely most of us would ever get to see or hear of any such divine retribution; particularly if we've moved on from a person(s) or situation. You just have to trust that one day something will happen to even things out and let it go. If you think about it logically, despite outward appearances, it's almost certain that people who behave in appalling ways and who seem to get away with it, are actually, deep inside, pretty screwed up and probably unhappy. Some would say that's karma enough.