What goes around, comes around. Who believes?

[pinguthepenguin]

Hi ladies.

I want to ask (if its ok) how many of you, from experience or otherwise actually believe in this?

I've posted a bit recently, because briefly, My exp left 3 months ago when our child was less than 2 months old (we had been together 3yrs). He had, at the time, been getting very close to a woman he worked with, and I was uncomfortable about it.( calling, texting, coffees out etc) I came to know her a bit, so trusted nothing would happen. When he ended us, I simply knew she had something to do with it,- a fact which he vehemenently denies still. Its since come to light that they are 'seeing each other', and although I know nothing physical had happened between them when we were together- they laid the foundations in evey other way possible.

Both him and her are now apparantly 'comfortable' with their situation, because they know they didn't cheat (like cheating is confined to the physical act only!). He maintains that he left because 'we don't get on'.

I am of course, devastated, but I'm trying to come to terms with it all. I've recieved some excellent advice on the Lone Parents thread regarding 'moving on' etc and it's helped alot.
What I seem to be obsessing about though is whether or not it will actually work between them. I think I'm doing this because Firstly- he has been very business like with me since he ended us and hasn't shown a shred of remorse....so I'm wondering if he will ever have his 'epihany of guilt'. Secondly...and a much sadder fact, for no other reason than because of what he's done....I want to see it all come crashing down around him.

He isn't an obvious ladies man...far from it, and the woman he has taken up with is quiet, very well-educated and has a child already. I don't think they are in it 'just for fun', so the idea that he may well come up smelling of roses after the destruction he caused is too much to think about. (although I clearly do!)

So what do you think? Is karma really a boomerang?

Message withdrawn

Karma just comes out and hits between the eyes when they least expect it - it isn't always how you think karma will srike, but it does bite on the bum........

Just read your other post - so you want them to break up, why ? perhpas it is a match made in hell - you never can tell.

Grieve for what could have been between you to and then move on with your life. You will no longer then sit worrying about them two - they really arn't worth a second thought and don't let them being together eat you up.

Just think about how lucky you are, you have a beautiful child, and the big deal is that you will watch this child grow up, you will have all the joy of living with this child, all the joy of cuddles on tap, all the joy of firsts - steps, words, etc whats the big deal - lets keep all that a secret He will never in a million years know what the big deal is and good gracious he will never know what he is missing out on, how totally sad - for him. Can I say stupid twat? durr

i too don't really think it is karma - however - just to share a little of my story - ex dh left me for my ex best friend - who also happened to be married. It since transpired that they had been getting it on the whole time we were married and perhaps beforehand.

He turned up to divorce court ( we had to attend) with her -patting her stomach and generally behaving like a big dick - and lots of people commented on him to me not knowing he was my ex - which made me smile. They went on to have a child - quite soon after that - named her the name we had been discussing for our children. BY that stage I had moved on and thought how spiteful to name a child to get back at your ex.

Her ex has gone on to marry a fabulous woman and have three great kids.

I got to travel, live overseas - meet my dh and have my three beautiful children ( see profile )

Not long after I had dd3 I was out at the theatre and I ran into them. I just laughed for a couple who were so obsessed with weight and body image - he looked like a buddha with the hugest beer gut - he was so big I did not recognise me. What gave it away - the foul look he gave me. I had to look twice to work out who the hell he was and why some person was glaring at me. So 14 years later - he is still treating me like 'the bitch' as he called me.

I just pointed him and her out to my friend and I just laughed and thanked god that I had a good escape. As to her - she looked beaten down by life - colourless blob - seriously.....

however when it was happening - and I am so glad children were not involved - I wished all sorts of things on them - all sorts of diabolical things to befall them and it made me feel better at the time. Once I grieved and got angry and did all that and moved it - no need to think like that - I was too busy living and getting on with it.

Thanks eidsvold

Another inspiring story! realise I'm giving the impression of sitting around with voodoo dolls, casting spells and wishing them every misfortune , but I have to say...I've been fairly positive, keeping busy etc (even taking my LO on hol today actually alone- morroco!). I'm trying not to let the entire thing consume me, although it doesn't always work.
Like I say...just the idea alone that he will regret his actions is a short fix for how I feel right now.

Pingu - sorry, I did not intend to demean your feelings by saying what I said . I just didn't want you to become obsessed with waiting for his downfall - it might never happen and you don't want to end up bitter about life.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day you will realise that you ARE better off without him. A real love will stick with you through thick and thin.

pingu I'm glad you started this thread

I feel exactly the same as you and have all the same questions.

some excellent replies. orangehead in particular - really good posts.

mmmm, at the moment I'm hoping there is no karma coz it may bite me in the ass, made a fool of myself by ring ring ringing my dh who's left me and dd, then thought shit I hope that doesnt happen to me (even tho I'm only trying to save my marriage) we went for a chat today and he told me he had thought about coming back but that he couldn't coz things would be the same as before, er can he see into the future I had sort of got him out of my head but then he came round crying last sun which put me back to square one, so if what goes around comes around does that mean he will get what he deserves for walking away from us without giving it a second chance or will I get what i deserve for desperately trying to get him back?????

TLV - I dont think you 'deserve' anything: As you pointed out- you were only trying to keep your family together. Karma, if it exists, wouldnt bite you in the ass for doing good deeds I hope!

I don't think so. Life is just too complicated. Most people act in a way that they think is right most of the time, even if their reasoning can get very twisted, and even good people can do bad things. I can absolutely understand how you feel, but better to focus on your life not his. To some extent the moment he walked out of the door should be the moment you cease to be interested in him except in his capacity to be a good father to your child. Not saying that's how you feel or even how you should feel, but in truth that is how it is. People give up on relationships for all sorts of reasons (my dh thought he wasn't good enough, for example) - probably as many reasons as they stick at relationships that aren't really working. You may in retrospect even be glad that he has gone when he has - it gives you more time to find someone else for example. My dh's aunt was left, in her fifties, and it turned out her dh had been having an affair for twenty years. He didn't want to leave her when the children were small or her mother was still living with them, but by that time she was on her own, with children who had all long left home. Now that's really cruel I think.

i don't believe it all.

just look around at the sheer number of twats who've truly gotten away with even murder without an ounce of compunction and are doing fine.

i know people then say, 'but they'll get theirs' or 'inside they're hurting'.

but you know, i've never known that to be true.

some people just carry on being arseholes and nothing keeps them in check.

i think people like to believe in this sort of thing because it makes them feel better after getting burned.

but it's far better just to focus on building up so many good times and experiences after such a person is gone from your life that you hardly think of them, and when you do, it's too feel sorry for what a git they are.

About two years after I split up with an ex he got in contact and said massive aplogies for beig such a dick at the end of our realtionship.

By that time I couldn't have cared less about him but it was still interesting to hear about how life hadn't quite working out how he thought it would and how he was sorry for acting in the exact way someone had just done to him.

But please don't waste any more time or effort on him..... onwards and upwards!

pingu, could have written your post myself about 5 years ago. I would like to think its true. Actually although my ex and his partner are still together I don't think they have a hugely happy relationship. She has him very much under her thumb.

I do not have a "happy ending" new relationship to report but for all that I do have a pretty good life and it is completely free of the mind games he used to like to play.

I also have a gorgeous 5 yo DD and can never regret the role he played in bringing her into my life.

I think to a degree. It all depends, sometimes it is very quick, sometimes you never find out.

I was someone's 'other woman,' something which I will never, ever forgive myself for - and funnily enough, when he eventually ended up as my boyfriend, it was about 2 seconds before he found someone else to get it on with.

I know he cheated on me as well, though he would never admit it there was plenty of evidence and I couldn't believe what he said, knowing his history of lying about me - so in a way I got what I deserved, and knew it.

I always thought, hoped, believed he would do the same to the 'new' woman as well, and to this day I have no idea whether he did - he married her a couple of years after leaving us, but that means very little as he was married when he met me

I would guess it is all happening again, or if not, likely to. I don't think someone with that mental set up will change too easily.