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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

me and dh said goodbye to our marriage today

40 replies

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 16:15

we attended relate this morning and both said there was no going back with regards to our marriage.

dh admitted he has agression towards women, stemming from what his mum did when he was a child and tht he needs professional help and that he is going to see a psychotherapist.

it was very sad.

even i have done all my crying for months it was still upsetting to see dh crying

OP posts:

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 06/12/2007 16:17

Oh Love

I have nothing to say that would be of any help[, but I couldn;'t ignore your post either

ssd · 06/12/2007 16:18

sorry for you

Flier · 06/12/2007 16:22

so sorry to hear this, do you have dc's?
on a positive note, at least it has made your dh realise he needs help and is now going to get it

KrIsTTYmas · 06/12/2007 16:25

I'm sorry
Do you have a good support network? I hope this can all happen as painlessly as possible.

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 06/12/2007 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dinosaur · 06/12/2007 16:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 16:33

yes we have dc,s one of each and they both have ASD, he is being good with the kids and having them everyweekend and also a couple of times during the week for tea.

im glad that dh has admitted he needs help, he has needed it for a long time but has buried his head in the sand and our marriage became unbearable.

but, im looking to the future now and hoping that 2008 will be a positive year for me and the dc,s.

OP posts:

charliecat · 06/12/2007 16:34

Aww Im sure next year will be much better for you. And its great hes being great with the kids

Dinosaur · 06/12/2007 16:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 16:36

i know dinosaur.

i am currently battling the lea over refusal to assess dd,s SN.

fighting the hospital trust for dx,ing dd with an ASD and then withdrawing

being accused of child abuse by dd,s nursery

and single parent to 2 kids who are very very trying.

but at least my life isnt boring eh?

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 06/12/2007 16:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

mummyofaprincess · 06/12/2007 16:40

oh jenk1 i am really feeling for you right now, me and my xdp have been split up for over 2 weeks now different to whats happened to you but i also have a very young DD and one on the way and i also know its going to be very hard, i just wanted to give you lots of hugs and hope everything works out for you x

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 16:40

yes on the basis that the paed "hadnt read the file properly"

she was dx,d on the tuesday and they withdrew it on the thursday after a "telephone conversation" with the ed psych who told them that she doesnt think dd is ASD. despite their own multi asessment concluding that she IS asd and a specialist report by a psychologist specialising in ASD,s who states in his opinion she is.

so we have got onto the chief exec and are awaiting his reply.

when i say we i mean i!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 16:42

here,s the thread dinosaur

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 06/12/2007 16:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 20:12

i feel very sad yet also quite numb.

i cant cry although i feel like doing so, i cant get the image of dh sobbing out of my head although its his behaviour towards me and ds that has caused our marriage to breakdown.

its so so sad, up until the last few months i thought we would be together forever

OP posts:

lucy5 · 06/12/2007 20:15

So sorry Jenk.

Original poster

jenk1 · 06/12/2007 20:18

relate gave us a book (well sold us!) called helping your children through a divorce.

i cant even bring myself to look at it cos i know exactly how ds is going to react when we tell him.

OP posts:

tobysmumkent · 06/12/2007 20:56

Message withdrawn

Original poster

jenk1 · 07/12/2007 07:51

he phoned me last night and said "are we doing the right thing, getting divorced, theres no hurry we can just stay seperated and after 2 years we can get a quick divorce"

i know he doesnt want a divorce, and i feel confused myself, but he has put me and ds through hell and i cant let him back in our lives until he has sorted himself out, i dont even know how i feel about him, i know i dont love him but at the same time the thought of divorce makes me freak out.

i really dont know what to do.

OP posts:

merrylissiemas · 07/12/2007 07:55

im so sorry to read this x

hippipotTEDCHRISTMASTREEami · 07/12/2007 08:00

Oh jenk, I am sorry to hear this. But on a positive note, it is great that your h has admitted he needs help and is willing to seek this help. It takes a strong man to do this. You two also seem amicable regarding arrangements for the dc. So hopefully you can build a successful friendship whilst your h sorts out his wories.
You sound like a strong woman, you will get through this.

mummy2aaron · 07/12/2007 08:07

Omg Jen no, I havent been about much lately and have missed this. I don't know what to say - you seem to be coping but there is a lot ahead. Take care.

Flame · 07/12/2007 08:08

Oh Jenk

Original poster

jenk1 · 07/12/2007 10:09

dh has just been to see dd cos she,s ill, he said he doesnt want a divorce and will do anything to save our marriage.

i dont want a divorce either, i dont know where this leaves us, do we try again and still go to relate and dh see a psychotherapist or do i break up with him for good?

i felt gutted yesterday, i think i was hoping dh would get help and get better and we could try again, he has told me thats what he wants to do and i do think he,s being genuine, i know the kids have missed him so much and he is so much better with ds, the woman at relate really did not hold back when we first went on how mean he has been to ds, but he is really really trying.

i know he wants to come home, and in a way i want him to but what if he goes back to being the way he was?

the relate lady told us she was convinced we had something left in our marriage that we could build on, she said its clear there is still something there but its up to us if we want to do it.

if anyone has been in this situation and can offer some advice id be really grateful.

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